im like peeved when people are like idk xyz was so boring especially when its like a favorite of mine and km like are you dense or... like how can you be bored while being injected with content. it could literally be interesting if you apply yourself. like the first 5 hours of higurashi are so good and the concensus is like oh they're just talking whatever whens the plot happening 🙄 and I'm like... there's no way we're like looking at plot at the expense of everything else we have to die. idk i hate when people show off their lack of curiosity like a badge of honor it's so ugly but whatever. just had 4 beers so im the insane one rn. ya i can't blame people for having their souls destroyed by material conditions but idk at least be ashamed of it. i didn't say that ☝️

when i decided i can just learn whatever i want and don't need to be scared of difficulty it's changed my life like crazy. this year I've read more books than in half my lifetime im pretty sure. i learned vim motions and use them every day now for work. im studying low-level programming just for fun & with no expectations and i made solutions in C i wouldn't have thought of doing in college. and that knowledge informs the code i write at work. ideally id be spending more time with german but being employed kind of kills the energy for that even though i really like my job. and there's so much more i want to learn i guess i really like my field of study and work and im super grateful in hindsight i chose this craft even though it was mainly inertia and nothing else. oh and i want to learn how to draw too. well whatever.

she's not even indie.

i have sort of a crush on this girl. well idk but i like her in a way that feels different from other likings toward my girl friends so i guess i like her. well i have like 0 desire for her sexually or romantically but like i'm addicted to her vibe. actually i noticed i have like a type of girl i'm like this with but it's noticeably more intense with her. interesting. by type i literally mean she's redacted. idk i just pull up.

didn't watch

like how did she do thius. anyway

me clutching 2 coffee machine espressos: this is my heart. this is how i feel.

i watched contact starring jodie foster the other day and despite it being borderline unbearable because of the pervasive american brainrot it was close to being a masterpiece thematically. the entire heavyhanded conversation about religion and science is probably a symptom of its times and it felt remarkably stupid but the end basically redeemed the movie to me. politics of experience. though i don't like that the story basically confirms that she was "right" so it almost completely undermines the entire thematic pillar about belief. but i liked it. the ending specifically. it could've been amazing in more competent hands so that's what frustrates me. i have no love for american cultural exports so i won't interpret it any more charitably though

i'm not crazy.

i wasn't a grimeshead until i discovered halfaxa and geidi primes i think they're actually masterpieces. halfaxa especially. i like darkbloom visions and art angels but i never like returned to them after listening once or twice. and her newer stuff is unlistenable to me mainly because i can't stand her stance on anything basically. but i can't stop listening to halfaxa. interesting. and zoal face dancer. gambang.

interesting. when i pulled up and this lesbian was inquiring me about gay bears i was like well you have the nintendo gay bears. gay guy gay bears. etc and then there's indie bears. oh how many of us are there? it's just me. im the only one. and she stared me down.