I’m a piece of shit. I know a lot of things but the things I don’t know are the things that make me stand out in this world which sucks.

Update

I’ve lost 25 pounds on keto and I’m happy for my self that I’m working on my self, for the first time. I’ve been going to to the gym as well I just want to keep on going losing weight. Holidays are here thoe so I’ve been cheating but I’ll be back on my shit tomorrow. So many people have said I’m looking good and I like that, I like that people are noticing it. But I’m feed up with my job I find my self just looking for excuses to call in because I honeslty hate what I do only because I’m not get paid enough when others are doing less then me and making more money. Career wise I feel like I know what I need to do it’s just this fucking job I have at moment is keeping me from achieving more for my self. I think 2 more months of working here and then I’ll put in my two weeks. When I turned 22 I was sad/depressed but I have come a long way and I don’t want to feel like that again so I’m just going to keep going straight with keto again so I can lose another 25 pounds. Let’s see if I can make another month at O’Fa

Today I turn 22. And I feel more numb then ever.

Honestly I hate going to sleep because it makes me forget of what’s actually going on with me. After I sleep, the next morning I’m thinking of something completely different. I numb myself not even knowing I do it to my self. I don’t know why I like typing the truth here. Odd !

Who ever is reading this I hope your doing better then I am, emotionally. I have good things going for me but I always come back to feeling sad and just hopeless. I don’t know why, as I’m writing this I’m crying because i have never put this in a public place. Maybe i want someone to read this and reach out to me. Maybe I need something else, honestly I don’t know what I need. I numb my self with hanging out with people I love dearly or doing things that I truly love, but dose feeling are still there trying to come back to the surface. But if I’m been completely honest. I sorta like feeling like this, i think it’s the only way I know that I’m still alive or know that I’m not dreaming. If I’m ever going to be happy I can’t see that for my self in the near future. But I want to keep trying to get there. I think there two explanations for me feeling like this but they are out of my reach to even try to fix it because it happen so long ago. And I don’t want to put that person in my stupid situation. It just fucking sucks.

But like I said if you are reading this I hope you are having a great life. I hope you are living it with the person you love the most or the people you love the most. Full of laughs, smiles and adventures. So cheesy but it’s the truth.