i know it's an example of me taking idioms too literally, but the phrase "when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail" never fails to make me imagine something like when that lion in madagascar starts hallucinating all his friends as slabs of steak
me when i have a hammer in my hand if i'm being fully honest
When I was little I LOVED the taste of blues clues kids toothpaste. I'd just straight up eat it. My mom thought this was unhealthy and would take away the toothpaste if she caught me eating it. Or threaten to switch to grown-up mint toothpaste (not as tasty). I would crouch behind the open bathroom door slowly squeezing out blues clues kids toothpaste onto my hands and eating it as quietly as possible
this gave me such a beautiful visual i had to draw it. the true human experience of eating a little goopy in the dark
wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”
he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.
after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”
anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”
half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.
and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.
It's like the same as lockpickinglawyer but opposite energy.
I feel like this'll be an obscure
but somehow a character choice you knew about, but have you heard of Debonair Diamond from the manga Hunter's Guild: Red Hood? (Which is sadly canceled but had time for a good ending)
Holy shit
Holy fuck
oh I didn't realize you used to be a huge piece of shit
now this may surprise some of the audience, but the majority of humans have to survive a phase called "being a teenager" and the results are often catastrophic
Some great advice I got from a therapist when we were discussing guilt over past actions and behaviors (some paraphrased, some written down during session):
“You only ever realize you did something less than ideal once you’ve grown past it. So if you find yourself thinking, ‘Wow, I was a terrible person,’ or ‘Oh man, I did this rude awful thing,’ try reframing it as: ‘Wow, I’ve grown into a much better person now,’ or ‘Oh man, I am a much kinder and more understanding person who knows not do something like that again.’ Nobody starts out perfectly kind and reasonable, and it’s worth recognizing and celebrating when you’ve grown as a human being.”
i don't think you guys know what a sweep is
it's a sweep as long as i vote for it
ma’am could you please take a step back. yes—yes ma’am it’s because of your AOE poison attack aura
ma’am please
fun fact! did you know that you can gain extra ‘forbidden time’ by staying up late in the night? but Watch Out
Shit this is great! You can get so much done if you don't sleep!
why do you hate swifties so much
because they aligned themselves with the treacherous count dooku
like literally smoking from the engine
white and you smell pancakes? it’s the coolant. panic and pull over, but you’ll live
a slight blue tinge? it’s the oil. panic and pull over, but you’ll live
grey, looks like fire smoke? gasoline; the most combustable and dangerous. pull over and leave the vehicle, pray.
sharing because i didn’t know this when my car started smoking white yesterday and i was so afraid for my life.
Reblogging because a dear friend of my Moms with mechanic experience told me the same thing when I got my license.
White or blue, you’ll pull through. But if it’s gray, get away.
i think banishment is the funniest possible spell you can cast on someone. like i'm not even going to fight you. YOU'RE going to leave. you have no choice.
a guy i banished to the desert 10 years ago finally tracks me down after years of plotting his revenge and i immediately banish him to the desert again
10h
"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.
Fucking word.
Learn your rights!
this image has done so much for my perception of myself it isnt even funny
a new contender
the “god DAMNIT” kills me Every Time
Zac’s hesitation does it for me.
