Am I More Than You Bargained For Yet?

So, my girlfriend of three weeks broke up with me last week because she found out how much of a manipulative narcissistic apathetic asshole I really am. She told me that it would be fine if I cheated on her so of course, I did. Kind of. Well, I really manipulated another girl into thinking that I was into her and used her to feed my ego. But now I have no girlfriend and no side bitch and I’m left staring myself in the face and I’m honestly so fucking tired of being like this. Like it’s not really fun being a narcissistic asshole who doesn’t empathize with anyone because in reality, I hurt everyone I touch. I’ve been binge drinking a ton and also watching a lot of Bojack Horseman because as strange as it is, the fictional anthropomorphic horse is the only person in my life who I feel like really understands me. I try not to hide behind my Borderline Personality Disorder but like, if I didn’t have BPD, I wouldn’t be a shitty awful person. I honestly want to be a better person but every time I try, I fuck up.