Kinda wanna make out with you kinda wanna punch you in the face

Anonymously,

● ask me inappropriate and nosy questions, ● ask me anything you’d always wanted to ask me, ● ask me for advice, ● tell me something you’d never tell me off anon, ● tell me something about your life, ● tell me a secret/confession, ● tell me something about the person you love/hate the most, ● tell me what you think of me, ● tell me if you’d go out with me and why, ● tell me what you’d do with me if we met, ● tell me why you followed me and why you stayed following me, ● describe me the way an author would in a book, ● describe me or my blog in three words, ● describe yourself and i’ll tell you if i’d go out with you, ● send me turn on/offs, ● flirt with me, ● sext with me, ● JUST BE FUCKING TALKATIVE AND TALK TO ME!

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knowing that harry has a big dick is so good for my soul

reblog if you a lil dead inside

so is it a thing in (american) english to use “texas” as a word for like, something that’s out of control or chaotic, or as like, “crazy”? like “that party last weekend was totally texas!”

because that is a thing people say in norwegian and i just think it’s important for americans to know that?

this is the best thing I’ve ever heard

i’m sorry wHAT

this is the texas-est shit i’ve ever heard

Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?

I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.

Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.

Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.

Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.

“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.

MOUNTAIN LODGE

it literally smells like waking up on a cold night to find a bearded richard armitage adding another quilt to the bed before he gets back in and pulls you snugly against his chest

I’m not fucking around I feel like I should be watching chris hemsworth in flannel and suspenders whittling a delicate masterpiece in front of a fireplace rn

All right, Tumblr, I saw this post a few months ago and immediately realized I had to smell this candle.  I have never in my life experienced such a burning need (pun intended) to smell what the Yankee Candle website described as a warm aroma of cedarwood and sage, but what Tumblr described as my new boyfriend.

The trouble is that nearest Yankee Candle Company store was a bit of a trek, and my schedule tended to prohibit this olfactory adventure.

So for the last few weeks, as I’d scroll my Tumblr dash and look at images of attractive manly men, I’d sigh and wistfully think, if only I could engage another sense with this image. If only I could I could truly fathom the ideal fragrance of this man.

And then this happened.

And I knew.

I knew whatever was happening, I needed to get to a Yankee Candle Company. The scent of Mountain Lodge would transport me instantly to this scene. The aroma of this infamous candle could make me live out a self-insertion Avengers fanfic.

So I got in my car, made the drive, and located the Yankee Candle Company.  The store was crowded with holiday shoppers. My nose was immediately assaulted by hundreds of warring scents.  

I battled through the sea of humanity and the Angel Wings-Merry Marshmallow-Magical Frosted Forest assault, buoyed on by my need to understand what Steve Rogers ripping a log in half with his bare hands smelled like.

I waded toward the back of the store, only to discover the man candle section seems to have been discontinued. What was I going to steady myself on, once I found my scented gateway to hanging out with the Avengers on Hawkeye’s farm? I felt lost, adrift, unable to find my bearings amid Soft Blanket-Fluffy Towels-Home Sweet Home.

And then… rising from the “Fresh” display, there it was.

Mountain Lodge.

It was the moment of truth. What would it be like to smell this infamous candle?

I opened the lid. I took a deep breath.

And I giggled.

Ah yes.  This was it.  This gentle, pleasantly masculine fragrance, in fact, reduced me to what I’d probably do in the actual presence of Chris Evans: giggle like an idiot.

The smell makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me gently swoon: all reactions that, indeed, can be elicited by an ideal man. I can barely handle the true power of Mountain Lodge.

Several months have passed since this discovery. I have regaled friends with the saga, and after hearing of it, they, too, felt the burning need to smell the candle.  One by one, we have all become Mountain Lodge converts. In times of need, this candle is our refuge. Our group has developed escapist superpowers, infused by the Yankee Candle Company. 

THE CANDLE, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND.  

MOUNTAIN LODGE.

This is how you do advertisement

we love everything about all of this. We will always be there for you, just light your Mountain Lodge candle and know that our love burns bright for you.

The official Yankee Candle™ tumblr account has recognized the Mountain Lodge mythos. My work on the material plane is finally complete. A being of pure light, I slowly ascend to the aether.

when someone tells u that u shouldnt eat so much pasta

hey

hey friend

dont kill yourself tonight ok

you have a really pretty smile and i know its not always easy to manage one but itd be a bummer if we never had the chance to see it ever again

youre really important and you matter a lot so stay safe and try and have a nice sleep

I would like a moment to thank the people who reblog post like this so that it eventually shows on my dash.

It is keeping me alive

are you ever just switchin back and forth between your social media but everything is dead so you get really desperate like maybe i have a new email, maybe there’s a new island on poptropica, maybe i have a myspace notification

A fashion show of everything you wore in 7th grade

this is so fucked up

For the love of god

I’ve smoked only about 4 ciggs in my life and this already makin me wanna stop

It looks like someone is blowing air into a rotting plum

Erin….

this this needs to be seen by everyone

Scary thing is it only takes about a year for the effect seen on the left to start, and once it starts it doesn’t go back! Never smoke guys.

it makes me wonder what someone’s lungs look like when they haven’t personally smoked, but they’ve been around smokers their entire life.

I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR AGES

OH SNAP

date me its for a school project 

This is too fucking adorable