Meditation

This is my first fanfic in forever! But I’m on a Star Wars kick, and this fic idea came to me while watching Obi-Wan Kenobi. I love me some angst.  (TW?: ptsd, anxiety attack) ———————————-

Master Qui-Gon loved to meditate. Obi-Wan loved trying to break his concentration.

From pokes (the ribs always got a good flinch), to using the Force to tug at his ponytail, to tickling the inside of Qui-Gon’s ears with the tip of his Padawan braid— Obi-Wan was full of restless energy. And Qui-Gon would lecture him time and time again that meditation would benefit him greatly in the future…Obi-Wan agreed to disagree. Outside of its use during Force training and combat, he never quite understood the application of meditation.

And that’s why, during increasingly bad nightmare-induced panic attacks after Qui-Gon’s death, Obi-Wan sat up wide awake on his bed, struggling to breathe for what seemed like hours, to no end.

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Obi-Wan still meditated on Tattooine; maybe not as often or intently as he used to when he was a Jedi, but Master Yoda had said that one of the keys to contacting his old Master’s Force Ghost was achieving a meditative state with the Force deep enough to be able to “truly see”…how ironic, that his Master’s favorite pastime and one that Obi-Wan took so long to be appreciative of would be the key. So Obi-Wan dutifully sat on his knees, head bowed, thoughts gone except for one simple plea: “Master…” Silence was always the response.

More nightmare-induced panic attacks haunted Obi-Wan in the middle of hot, desert nights on Tattooine. But instead of seeing his Master’s face, now it was Anakin…

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Obi-Wan knelt facing the wall, stiff, every muscle in his body locked up. His hands trembled uncontrollably as the rising panic threatened to crumble him. Qui-Gon had to answer this time. He had no idea what to do and for the first time in a long time, fear turned his insides icy cold. Anakin was alive. An overwhelming mix of emotions tore through Obi-Wan. There was guilt, but relief. Then the fear again. Obi-Wan begged for his Master to respond, but he could not clear his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, stuck in a cycle of reliving memories…moments of happiness…pain…love…loss…

The cold metal of the transport floor stung Obi-Wan’s hands as he collapsed forward, shoulders heaving as every breath he took started to become more and more ragged. A voice inside his head warned him to not be too loud, lest he wake the sleeping Princess. Obi-Wan thought of his Master, of all Qui-Gon had seen and done during his time as a Jedi Knight, his naturally calm demeanor that Obi-Wan suddenly realized couldn’t really have been natural at all. He thought of Qui-Gon kneeling before Maul, peaceful right before heading into disaster… Obi-Wan started counting his breaths.

Inhale…two…three…four…

Exhale…two…three…four…

After a few minutes, his muscles began to relax, and he lifted himself back up to a kneeling position. Slowly his heart began to beat complementary to his breathing again. Obi-Wan found his mind surprisingly quiet enough to feel the Force wrap around him and he stayed safely in that moment for a long while. Eventually, he quietly rose and sat next to the Princess, who was curled up in a ball on top of a cargo box. His last thought before he fell soundly asleep for the first time in years, was perhaps Qui-Gon was right about meditation after all.

GUYS I WROTE MY FIRST FANFIC IN FOREVER!!

Should I log into my ancient DeviantArt account or Fanfiction.net account to post it or just post it here??

I’ve never uploaded my fanfic to this page before, because a lot of it is smut I wrote in college for people for money 😂 Or really macabre stuff I wrote to cope with my depression.

But idk, I feel like I see and read so much fanfic on here that I need to upload it here cuz the other websites aren’t that popular anymore but I do want it to be read and have feedback cuz it’s been such a long time? ahhhhh helpppp