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@katelenswaine

2-28-20

I hear you but your lips arent moving and i see you but in a another light

Snake eyes infecting my soul, I think I'm losing

My mind

I cant grasp reality, half the time I'm out for tea

How do you stop believing what you're seeing

How do you know what's happening, like what's really there

I play ring toss with my halo, fuck it why not hot potato

I just don't want to share

My feelings

Anything

I cant talk over my thoughts

I cant stop stabbing you with my knife

Is this for the rest of my life

A letter to you 💘 2-28-20

I want to write this but you'll never see it, mainly because you have a girlfriend and it would be extremely wrong for me to pour my heart out. But this is what I want to say, I'm sorry if I broke your heart you didnt deserve that, you are an amazing person & were a great boyfriend. I dont know how you put up with me haha but it's TRUE you have a kind and gentle heart, you're not violent or angry but you're not afraid to speak your opinion. You're soft spoken & passionate, you're loving & sweet & honestly way to good for me. Deep down I knew I wasnt the one for you, I'm horrible at communication, i dont need to talk every day & the distance was hard. I knew you needed someone who calls, someone who wants to be with you all the time & I knew I couldn't be her. It's been years & still think about you, your eyes, your teeth (which are perfect) & the way you looked at me. I miss you quoting the matrix & listening to death grips while I had my smoke & you took your toke, I miss your family because your parents are the shit and your sister is my best friend. I miss your friends & I'm sorry I ran, when things get tough I run & I wish I talked & not texted. I wish I didnt hurt you. I wish things turned out better. I wish I could kiss you, sleep over, play rock band. I wish things were different but it's my fault. You were my first love & you taught me so much, I wish I could call or have tea & watch pulp fiction. I know you never cheated but it still broke my heart, you were struggling & I couldn't help you. You were drowning & I cant swim. There was more good than bad 100% I fucked it up & that sucks. I wish you love, happiness, peace & laughter because you deserve the sun. I'll always love you. I hope you're doing well & living your best life, I hope its filled with hoppy beers, karaoke, dax flame & of course bubba the black Jesuit. Xo

Feels

I'm not who I used to be

I loved scabby knees and cold sunny days

Drinking tea and smoking weed

I lost that part of me

The fire cracker always on the go

Positive thinking came naturally

Now I'm not sure what I like or what I want

I think what I'm saying is I was sure

Now I'm second guessing and over thinking

Its like my mind is sinking

Maybe I'll get back to her