I Love You

Kurt had a day.

Not bad. Definitely not good. Just... A day.

A day he'll never forget actually. It was so full of ups and downs. From Shepherd plunging a knife into Sean's heart, to joking with Jane about whether or not he could handle Rich Dotcom. From shooting Rich to... Jane's date. That hurt. When Shepherd shoved a knife through Sean Clarke, Kurt's adrenaline spiked, he felt so alert for so long, he thought he would throw up. He got the same feeling from Jane. Except it was everytime she moved, spoke, brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, etc. Her admission of her date was too much. Kurt went straight home, got a damp rag, and laid down. Staring at the ceiling.

Though he did have to say, it still wasn't the worst part of his day. He felt bad. Witnessing first degree murder should automatically be the worst part of your day.

But when it comes to Rich.....

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Kurt and Rich were sneaking through the secret underground tunnels of Jamison College, in order to get into the Deadalus gathering.

"This is interesting." Rich says, while coming to a stop.

"What?" Kurt replies shortly.

"Well this is the door, but the handle's different."

"Different how, Rich?!"

"Wel- well it's not there anymore?? Probably on account of all the hookers I snuck in it." Rich gestures to the handless door.

"Ok, so what's behind this door?" Kurt inquires, looking around.

"The closet. What are yo-"

"Stand back."

Kurt, with a running start, kicks the door in to find himself deep within the walls of a massive walk in closet.

"Aaaaa just how I remember it."

"SHHHHH!" Kurt puts his ear to the door, the one still on it's hinges, just in time to hear the gasps of attending guests and a soft female voice hushedly asking someone to notify security of the discrepancy.

"Shit."

"What?" Rich asks, genuinely confused.

"The guests are getting security to come check out 'the noise in the closet'."

"Oh. What are we gonna do Stubbles? I'm a sly guy but how do we explain that?"

"Oh God, why do you hate me?" Kurt says looking towards the ceiling.

"What? You're acting strange Stubbles, like weirder than normal. I mea-"

Rich was cut off by Kurt's large hands cupping both sides of his face, to kiss him. Without separating he backs Rich against a near wall, mimicking the earlier noise. Rich squirmed at first but expectedly went along with the unexpected.

"Come on Stubbles, you can at least use some tongue!"

"Shut. Up." Kurt snarls. "Actually. . . I need you to make some. . . noises." Kurt says while blushing furiously.

"Security is on their way." Tasha notifies through comms.

"Yeah you guys better get out of there." Reade warns.

"And say what? Oh hey haven't seen you in a while, please excuse my entering through a closet?!" Rich whisper-yells.

"Everyone shut up!" Kurt also whisper yells. "Now Rich I need you to moan a lot. Loudly."

"You could always make me Stubbles!"

"Rich!"

"Kurt what the hell are you doing?" Reade asks, growing increasingly concerned about his teammate's mental health.

"Rich just do it!"

"OOOOH! STUBBLES, YES!" Rich practically screams.

The party guests turn a side eye. But the security, like Kurt hoped, were turning away, figuring that the noise came from two enthusiastic partygoers. Or if the other patrons were anything like Rich maybe more.

Of course Weller didn't know that yet.

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"Ohhh. Now i get it, I can't believe this is working." Reade says, half laughing at the ridiculous noises coming out of his earpiece. "Hey Kurt it's work-"

"Will you shut up?!" Tasha butts in.

"What are you tal-"

"He doesn't know that they stood down yet." Tasha says wriggling her eyebrows. "Hey Kurt most of the security guards stood down but you still have a couple incoming. . . You might need to amp it up a bit!"

Her and Reade try and fail to stifle their laughter after Rich let's out a completely overexaggerated 'UNGH'!

"Come on Stubbles, they're not buying it, you're gonna have to join me if you wanna get out of here."

"Why me? God why me?" Kurt says again looking up.

Kurt let's out a loud and breathless 'Oh God' that completely undoes all of Tasha and Reade's composure. They are hysterical by now. They completely lost it when Rich and Kurt started harmonizing!

"Stop! Stop!" Tasha said. "I can't take it anymore." She pulls herself up from the floor of the van, where she fell from laughing so hard.

"Yeah guys, the security's gone. They're long gone." Reade adds, clutching his stomach.

"Yeah Rich so goo- wait what?!"

"Yeah you're clear." Tasha clarifies.

"You could have compromised this entire op!" Kurt says furiously.

"We all know that's not why you're mad Stubbles. And as the bible states-"

"I swear to God Rich, if you say another word I will shoot you."

"Another word."

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Kurt flushed red just thinking about it. What was he going to put in his field report?!

He turned to lay on his side to take in the fresh scenery of the wall instead of the ceiling. After laying there for about two minutes, he finally got up to fix himself dinner.

While gathering ingredients, Kurt's mind inevitably wandered back to Jane's date. Everything about it tore at him. What she'd be wearing, what she'd eat, would she cover her tattoos, would she wear makeup. . . . . . . .

His thoughts were interrupted by a phone call.

It was Jane.

A million questions ran through his head. Why is she calling him? Shouldn't she still be out on her date?

He lunged for the phone but then. . . He stilled. Didn't move a muscle. He picked up his phone, turned it over, and resumed gathering ingredients.

Once the phone eventually stopped buzzing, Kurt's inner turmoil came to play.

'Why didn't you answer?! Jane could be in trouble!'

'Be rational Kurt. She's on a date, probably just calling to let you know that she'll complete her paperwork tomorrow, since she's busy.'

'Look, everyone knows you're in love with her, but you can't act like some overprotective boyfriend whenever she's around.'

Kurt shakes his head. He wasn't in love with Jane Doe. Was he?

'Of course you are! That's why you lunged for the phone as soon as you saw her name, but put it down when you realized she was still on a date.'

'No. If I was in love with her, I would have immediately answered.'

'No. You love her so much that you realized that if she's having fun, even with another man, you wouldn't want to ruin that. That's love.'

'What am I supposed to do? I can't love her from afar.'

'This may be selfish but what if I proposed the idea that Oliver is Sandstorm?'

'It could work. But why not just tell her how you feel?'

"Because I'm just not ready yet." Kurt voiced sadly.

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First thing the next morning, Kurt was walking up and down the hallways, over and over again. In order to 'accidentally' bump into Jane on her way to Patterson's lab.

After three consecutive minutes, Jane appeared. She was wearing this loose, pastel green shirt, that roughly covered all of her upper body tattoos as well as bringing out her eyes. She paired it with tight blue jeans, which she almost never wears, and a few silver rings on her right hand.

"Wow." Kurt whispered. What looked like any other outfit, looked stunning on her. He almost forgot to 'bump' into her.

"Jane!"

"Oh, hey!"

"You get Patterson's text yet?"

"Yeah, heading there now."

They walk in silence for a few heartbeats, until they turn into a secluded hallway.

"Jane wait." Kurt says while gently grabbing Jane's arm.

"Kurt, what is it?"

"After you told me last night, about your date. I started thinking. . ."

Jane subconsciously starts to hold her breath. Her expression wreaks of hope.

"Hey! Glad I found you two, Patterson's got something." Tasha pops in.

"Yeah." Kurt says releasing Jane.

Saved by the bell.

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The debrief, while no longer than usual, felt unbearably long. The charged energy from Kurt and Jane's previous conversation still radiated off of them.

While any hope of continuing it was completely shut down by the tattoo clues pointing to three different entities, causing the team to split up completely. Kurt with Roman, Jane with Tasha, and Patterson with Reade.

This was going to be a longgg day.

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The team finally reconvened at about 5pm. They had just finished the field reports. All three of them. It was exhausting.

Fortunately for Kurt his adrenaline spiked right back up about an hour later when Tasha, so graciously, reminded the group that they never filled out the field report for their Deadalus mission. Which caused Reade and Patterson to burst out into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Jane asked, looking to Kurt, smiling.

Kurt goes wide-eyed. She doesn't know.

This was going to be a long night.

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The team had just finished catching Jane up while writing the 'going to be extremely redacted' field report.

"Wait I'm still confused. If you just wanted Rich to moan, why did you kiss him?"

All eyes look to Kurt.

"We- well I was under the impression that security was going to be charging through the door at any second." He says glaring at the pair of agents who were strategically avoiding his gaze. "And when they did, if they saw us. . . you know-"

"We don't know, Weller!" Patterson howled.

Kurt glared.

"Yeah I kind of want to know how far you were willing to take it Assistant Director!" Reade joined in.

"We're done here." Kurt said as he walked out.

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Jane had just walked out of the locker room to be met head on with Kurt.

"Kurt, hey!" Jane says, surprised.

"Hey."

"Umm. . . I actually wanted to talk to you."

Kurt raises his eyebrows in obvious confusion, cueing Jane to continue.

"When we were. . . Uh you know- outside of P- Patterson's lab. You didn't finish." Jane stumbles through her words as a new wave of nervousness hits her with full force.

"Oh that." Kurt says, grabbing Jane's arm, mirroring his earlier gesture and leading her away from the locker room door.

"Jane, I was up all night and I couldn't stop thinking about it. We need to be careful. Sandstorm feels like it's everywhere."

"You think Oliver is Sandstorm?"

"Yes. . . No." Kurt shakes his head.

"Kurt you're not making any sense." Jane says studying him.

"I know. I know. I just- no I don't think he's Sandstorm."

"Then why did you-"

"I've been trying to come up with reasons of why you shouldn't date him for the better part of 13 hours."

"Kurt wha-"

"And I got nothing, because the only reason is that I love you."

Jane goes wide-eyed. It was as if all the air was sucked out of her.

"I love you Jane."

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"I Love You" is actually getting tweaked so it will be uploaded tomorrow unless anyone just wants a sneak peek!

Posting a fic called I Love You tomorrow!

Hey guys!

I'm going off the radar for two weeks or so, I have the most SPECTACULAR fic ideas and I need some time to write them! I might post sneak peeks, I don't know yet. What I'm planning on doing is writing at least 2-3 fics and then kind of spam posting them on the same day. So you'll have plenty of new content from me with various ships!

Since I'm undecided about sneak peeks, I've decided to share below what the fics AU's entail. I'll leave the rest to your imagination until I post them!

I'm writing the fic AU'S below and the ships that are in the AU's but I won't put them together so you can guess which goes with which! It'll be a fun guessing game! You can also/or guess what the fic will be about.

Love you all, hope this is fun!

AU's:

Lifeguard au

Stardust AU

Law school AU

Train AU

Animal AU

I Love You AU

We are not a tangram/Lie here with you AU

Ships

PattersonxBostonxRich

ZapataxPatterson

ReadexZapata

JanexWeller (x2)

PattersonxRich

(No ship for this fic) The team

Valium (Chapter two)

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Kurt wakes up, from his three hour nap with Jane, really sore and not as well rested as he should be to have slept for three hours. To be honest, he hadn't slept well in...a very long time.

Kurt stealthily rolls out of bed, to not wake Jane, and walks out to the living room. He paces endlessly in a back and forth motion. Turning thoughts over and over in his mind.

It's wrong! You can't just go behind Jane's back, it's- it's unethical! Not to mention immoral!

But something is definitely wrong with her! I mean, what if she winds up hurting herself or...worse.

Kurt had had enough. He pulled out his phone and dialed Borden.

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"Are you crazy?" Tasha heatedly asks.

"Yeah what the h*ll Patterson? We can't do that! Concerned or not it's a HUGE invasion of privacy!" Reade chimes in.

"But if you guys would just listen-" Patterson uncomfortably tries to but in.

"No! Because not only is it an invasion of privacy but it's i-ll-egal, I'm not taking part in an unnecessary risk. Necessary illegal things, yeah sign me up! No question. But this? Honestamente estas loca." Tasha's Spanish accent comes out as she argues.

"Mr brother was a drug addict!" Patterson explodes. " He went off the deep end a long time ago and I never talk about him. But everytime I get a call in the middle of the night I think, it's finally the call." Patterson's sterling blue eyes begin to water, so she takes a deep breath to continue. " I'm not crazy. I just- I don't want Jane to end up like him, okay?"

Reade, Tasha, and Nas, who has been eerily quiet throughout this conversation, look to each-other in agreement.

"Alright,I guess we're hacking into Borden's computer."

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After thirty minutes, Kurt climbs back into Jane's bed to hopefully get some better sleep.

But just as he starts to doze off, he feels Jane beside him starting to squirm. She's mumbling nonsense and turning from side to side.

Oh God. She's having a nightmare.

Kurt gently pulls on her forearm in an attempt to wake her. But she violently jerks it away from him and escalates to yelling in her sleep.Kurt knowing that his heart can't take much more of this frantically kneels on top of her and grabs her forearms, trying to gently sit her up to maybe awaken her. It didn't work.

Then she started screaming.

Kurt's never heard her scream before. She was never frightened by gunfire or put in any position, in the field, that scared her. It was awful. The way all her core muscles contracted in order to gain energy to scream harder, and the way her voice cracked from the force of her screaming was sickening. Kurt started crying, while still kneeled over her.

"Jane please, just wake up, please!"

All of a sudden Jane's bedroom door bursts open.

It's her detail.

"Assistant Director Weller?" The first agent through the door asks.

Sh*t.

"Get out!"

"But she's-" The other agent started.

"I said get out!"

"Yeah okay." They hurriedly left.

Kurt could worry about them later. Jane was still...

"Jane wake up, it's a dream it can't hurt you. Just wake up okay? Just wake up."

Now Jane's screams had subsided and she was back to yelling. She was yelling about rings, a piece of rope, keys, and Valium, an- and- he couldn't have heard that last part right. She was yelling his name.

Kurt couldn't take it anymore. He ran to Jane's kitchen and got a cup of water. While hoping she wasn't dreaming about being waterboarded, he poured it on her.

It worked! She awoke with a start, sitting straight up eye to eye with Kurt. She was hyperventilating and wide eyed. Then she locked eyes with Kurt.

Did she remember how he got there?

He didn't need to ask as he saw her expression change. The understanding in her eyes very faint but there, almost but not quite masked by her lingering fear.

She basically jumped out of her bed and ran straight for the bathroom.

"Jane!" Kurt tried to follow, but she slams the door in his face. "Jane please we need to talk."

Her sobs muffled by the door, are still audible. Jane quickly turns on the shower and falls to the ground inside of it. She's still fully clothed, but in no state to care.

Once Kurt hears the shower he sits down with his back against the bathroom door and tries to dry his own eyes with the bottom of his shirt.

He listens closer and can still hear her sobs, through the door and the shower. He needs to get in there. Then Kurt suddenly realises, she didn't lock the door.

He quickly stands up, but very very slowly opens the door. Startling her right now was one of the worst ideas. Then he saw her. She was balled up against the back shower wall fully-ish clothed, from earlier, but soaking wet.

Kurt stepped into the spray of the shower also fully clothed but willingly getting drenched from head to toe, and sank to his knees. He tried to gather her in his arms, but she flinched away from his touch and scooted fully into the back corner of the shower. Kurt opted to sit with his back against the shower wall, watching the shower spray. Listening to her cry beside him. This was definitely one of the times he's felt his most helpless.

But then after a couple of moments pass Jane suddenly wraps her arms around Kurt's shoulders. The force and speed of it would have knocked him over if he had been standing. He quickly wrapped his arms around her as well, holding her as close as his wet, wrinkled clothes would allow. Jane maneuvered into Kurt's lap without releasing her grip, but instead of straddling him, she wrapped her legs around him mirroring her arms. While Kurt moved one hand to her middle back and the other to cradle the back of her head.

She continued to cry in his arms for a longer time than expected. But when her cries subsided she pushed, actually pushed, herself off of Kurt and stood.

"Get out." She said, her voice hard but simultaneously shaking.

"But Jane-"

"I said get out!" She screamed.

Now he's heard her scream at him in two new ways.

He stood up, and stepped past her to grab a towel, and left.

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"It's useless he must handwrite all his notes." Patterson says frustratedly. She had been digging through Borden's computer files for a little over half an hour.

"Well I guess that's it then. Hey, maybe it's for the best right? So we won't lose the complete trust and respect from one of our teammates." Tasha inquires.

"Not necessarily." Patterson thinks out loud.

"Excuse me?"

"Hear me out, what if... Well, we/I could hack into the security cameras."

"What? The notes would have been bad enough but this- is just... I mean-" Reade attempts to step in.

"Also what would we gain from that? The feed wouldn't have audio, and we could barely read their lips because of camera angles. Honestly it just seems like we're reaching now. Back us up here Nas." Tasha tries to reason.

Nas starts to shift her weight from side to side.

"Nas come on. You're supposed to be the level headed one, right?" Tasha tries again.

Nas clears her throat. "We would get more than we think."

"What the h*ll are you talking about?" Reade questions.

"When I first came I- I planted a bug in Borden's office."

"You what?!" Tasha and Reade scream in unison.

Patterson looks down without reacting.

"And you knew?!" Tasha points at Patterson.

"I ran a bug check in Borden's office and found it. I disabled it immediately, and gave it to Weller."

Tasha nods.

"But right now we nee to focus. Yes I planted a bug and maybe that wasn't right bu-"

"Maybe?!" Tasha scoffs.

"But since I did." Nas continues. "I have all of Jane's sessions archived onto my personal phone. If we line up the security feed with my audio then we could essentially have a front row seat to any and all conversations of importance within that office."

A silence feel upon the group. It was a good plan. But could they really be in board with this?

"That's why you were so quiet when we were discussing the ethical injustices of looking through Borden's computer. Do you have any boundaries? I mean my God woman!" Tasha spat.

"I'm NSA, my whole job is to-"

"Your whole job IS NOT to spy on your team members so don't even."

"Look, I needed to know where Jane's head was at, at all times. I didn't even listen to you guys."

"Yes because that makes it so much better." Reade adds.

"Look we need to come to an agreement. I don't like it either. But Jane is our friend and she needs our help. So we need to decide right now how far we're willing to gi to help her." Patterson mediates.

Another silence.

Tasha sighs. "I'll go get the popcorn."

"This isn't a movie, this is a MASSIVE invasion of privacy " Reade says, obviously irritated with this whole ordeal.

"A massive invasion of privacy that I'm staying overtime to watch instead of going to get dinner, so popcorn is the only alternative." Tasha says over her shoulder as she heads for the break room.

When Tasha returns with popcorn, she sees that the screens have been manipulated to play the feed. Patterson grabs a piece of popcorn.

"Okay, now that everyone's here we can get this over with. Nas, we need to hit the buttons of the feed and the audio at the same time."

"Yes ma'am."

"There's no going back." Reade warns looking Patterson straight in the eye.

"I know,but it's the only way." Patterson inhales deeply. "On three. One. Two. Three."

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Jane "actually" showered for an additional thirty minutes before coming out. She halfway expected to see Kurt sitting on the edge of her bed, but he wasn't. So she put on her favorite white, mid thigh high, robe and walked out towards the living room.

Kurt was sitting on the couch wrapped in a towel. Slightly shivering.

"You can get in the shower now." Jane offered.

Kurt looked up at her and raised his eyebrows.

"Then we can talk. I promise." She must have read his mind.

With that, Kurt went to the shower. In total he took about 20 minutes, he had to wash up with a lavender and honey scented body wash but some sacrifices had to be made. Once he turned the faucet off he realised that he didn't have an extra pair of clothes. That's when he heard a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Jane asked softly.

Instead of verbally answering, Kurt wrapped a fresh towel around his waist and opened the door.

Jane handed him his fresh clothing. At Kurt's stunned look she explained.

"I snuck in earlier and dried them."

Kurt smiled widely, causing her to blush.

"Thank you."

"I'll be on the couch when you're ready."

---------------------------------------------------

Kurt walked out to the living room and true to her word, there she was. On the couch, her hair dripping onto the cushions.

"Hey." He approached.

"Hey."

He sat on the opposite end of the couch but turned towards her, which made him seem closer. Jane shifted uncomfortably in her seat, so Kurt started.

"I talked to your detail. I think they got the wrong idea." Kurt flushes thinking about the awfully awkward exchange.

"Oh God!" Jane laughs.

"It was awful!" Kurt laughs with her.

"You just had to bring up the plate thing didn't you?"

"Oh yeah, I'm traumatized. I can't even look at a plate now!"

Jane laughs harder. But their laughter soon dies out from the tension in the air. They needed to talk.

"Jane. Your night...terrors. How long have they been going on?"

"About four months." Jane refuses to look at him.

"Is that why you take the Valium?"

There was a long silence.

"Yes."

"Okay. But Jane there's still something off here. If you've been taking Valium for so long how come it's never effected you like this before?"

Jane starts to fiddle with her robe string, and Kurt gulps.

Focus Kurt!

"You want to know the truth?" Jane suddenly looked him square in the eye with her jaw clenched.

"Please."

"I took three times my prescription."

"You what?! Why would yo-"

"Why? What do you mean why? You saw what happened in there, and that was after three doses! I am so-tired-Kurt."

"You could have killed yourself!"

"I didn't care! It was early in the morning and I had slept for maybe eight hour collectively in the last four days! I was done. Wether I fell asleep or overdosed, either way I needed rest.

He couldn't comprehend what just came out of her mouth.

She can't be serious.

He decided to change the subject.

"So what do you dream about?"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"Ask me something else."

"No Jane we need to discu-"

"We don't need to discuss anything!"

Jane got off the couch and started to walk towards her bedroom.

"You said my name, Jane!"

She stopped in her tracks.

"When you were screaming. You were saying all kinds of things, it sounded like nonsense, but I just couldn't figure out the significance until now. You said something about rings, our rings from our undercover mission. You said keys, which I can't figure out yet. Rope, for the homemade mace you made to escape the blacksite. You said Valium, which is obvious. But then you said my name... Why?"

Jane finally turned around. "Why?"

She walked towards Kurt at lightening speed ready to argue, but then... Her demeanor changed all together. It's like she exhaled all of her pent up anger. Then she began to speak. "I relive two moments every single night Kurt. The night that you arrested me, right here in this room. And the day you said that you "don't even want to be in the same room" with me. Don't you understand what you did to me?" Jane was talking right below him, they were close.

"I didn't mean that."

Jane steps back.

"Yes. You. Did!"

"Well I don't anymore and you know that!" He steps closer to her.

Jane scoffs.

"What does that change Kurt? I'm still on Valium, I'm still killing myself in the gym because maybe if I physically exhaust myself enough I can actually sleep! But you didn't mean it, so that somehow all goes away right?" She was yelling and furious, but her yells were somewhat soft. Their closeness made it hard to want to yell.

"You know what I meant just now, Jane."

"I dream about you more than the blacksite Kurt!" She said looking him straight in the eyes. "It's you that torments me in my sleep! All of my thoughts in my waking life have an under-toned voice behind it saying "On your knees, hands on your head." I can't sleep, I can't eat, I sure as h*ll can't focus! It's you Kurt! You- you broke me.

Something broke inside of Kurt with her last words. He felt a physical pang in his heart.

Jane turns on her heel, and covers her face to try to hide her crying. She escapes to her room leaving Kurt paralyzed in her living room.

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"Okay guys session 4 is up and running! Also we have eaten six bags of popcorn but haven't thought of just ordering something." Patterson says while fiddling with some cords.

"Doesn't matter, I like popcorn more than "real" food anyways." Tasha remarks.

"Hey! Popcorn totally counts as real food!" Nas jokes, finally giving in to the team banter.

"Literally how are you guys in shape?" Reade jokingly questions.

Patterson hits the start button on Jane's fourth session after her return. She didn't say much of anything for the first twenty minutes, so they voted to skip until something interesting- INFORMATIONAL, because this is not at all enjoyable, happens.

"Hey wait their talking, Nas fast forward the audio to 45:30 please." Patterson delegates.

"Yes ma'am. " Nas says jokingly.

Tasha turns the volume up.

"Jane it is normal to feel...lost when you disconnect from someone you loved."

"I didn't love him." Jane says harshly. They had forgotten how different Jane had been when she first came back.

"Maybe you did."

"I- I mean mayb- wait how is this supposed to be helping?"

"Jane we can only deal with our emotions if we identify them."

Nas, Tasha, Reade, and Patterson collectively lean forward in their chairs. This was what they were waiting for.

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Jane quietly returned to the living room with a pair of white sneakers on.

"Where are you going?"

She walks past Kurt without saying a word and straight into the kitchen, to grab a drink. Once he hears thw crunch of glass under her sneakers he realised why she had to put them on. He had meant to clean all the broken glass earlier, but got reasonably distracted with the "Jeller sleepover".

"I was gonna clean that up." Kurt says, a safe distance away from the glass.

Jane still didn't talk. She reached in her cupboard for a glass, good thing she didn't break any cups. Then proceeded to grab red wine out of her other cabinet.

You shouldn't be drinking while you're on Valium, Jane."

"Don't care." Jane says as she completely overfills her glass.

Sensing her resentment towards him Kurt asks. "Should I leave? You said that I torment you, and it seems as though I'm some sort of trigger for you, so should I go?"

Jane twirls gorgeous the dark red substance in her cup a couple of times them downs the entire glass before answering.

"No. Sleep on the couch."

Jane sidesteps him to walk towards her room once again. And again she returns within seconds. She hands Kurt a spare comforter, but doesn't look at him. He silently takes it.

Jane grabs her wine glass and bottle, pouring herself another overly full glass as she continues down the hall. This time once she enters her bedroom, she doesn't come out.

---------------------------------------------------

Kurt had been lying on Jane's couch, replaying the eventful day he had for a little over an hour when he got a text from Patterson.

The message was brief. Too brief.

Kurt instantly clicked on the attachment. Once it opened he was shocked. It seemed to be security camera footage. From- from one of Jane's therapy sessions? It had to be a relatively close to when Jane first returned because she hadn't cut her hair yet in the video.

What the h*ll is going on?

He pressed play.

"Maybe I did love him." Jane blurts.

Kurt's eyes widen.

Jane raises her voice, but it cracks as tears start to fall. "Then what he-h-he arrests me, and is essentially responsible for my three months in h*ll and what?! I still love him? Why? I mean that's the only reason his words can still hurt me like this right?"

"Exactly." Borden leans forward in his chair, like he does whenever he engages in an interesting conversation with a patient. " But the question is Jane, do you want to actively try to fall out of love with Kurt so you can start this healing process or hope that he will find his way to loving you back which could stall and potentially destroy any chance at a healing process I can provide?"

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I am a couple of scenes away from finishing chapter two of Valium but my mother just announced that she wants all my siblings and I to have a "movie night" 😭😭😭💀💀 so I am still working on posting it but it may be a couple hours after midnight. But don't worry I'm not sleep depriving myself to finish it, I just normally go to bed at that time. I also wanted to perfect a scene requested by @iuo1133 (a heartbreaking scene, but no spoilers😉😉) so I'm rewriting it again. For like the seventh time.

Anyways, it will be posted really late sorry for the disappoint.

Announcement:

Chapter 2 of Valium comes out on Friday!!!

I know the (unoffical/ridiculously hilarious) stereotype is that Jane can't cook but I had this nagging inspiration drop of glitter that said "Wouldn't it be great to write a short drabble about the team regularly coming over to Jane's safehouse because, since she's traveled so many places internationally, she always makes traditional foreign recipes! Like Russia, Pakistan, Bulgaria, China, and like EVERYWHERE ELSE!"

Valium (chapter one)

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It's a particularly cold September morning. Jane had been back with the team for four months and they had finally found some kind of normal. Nas on the other hand could be pretty hard to work with.

It was officially 8am and Reade, Tasha, Patterson, Nas, and Kurt were all at their respective 'biomes' within the NYO. But Jane... Jane was nowhere to be found.

"I already tried, it goes straight to voicemail everytime." Kurt says agitatedly. He and Nas had just walked into his office continuing their conversation from Patterson's lab.

"Look Kurt chances are that Sandstorm may have grabbed her." Nas replies desperately trying to keep up with Kurt's pace.

Kurt walked behind his office desk.

"And that doesn't concern you?!"

"She's doing the job we asked her to do!" Nas yelled.

"I'm done arguing with you."

"Where do you think you're going?!"

Kurt shrugged on his jacket and tried to walk past Nas before she grabbed his arm.

"Let. Me. Go."

"Why? So you can go make sure your girlfriend is alright?"

Kurt pulled his arm out from her and clenched his jaw. Not entertaining her, he tried to calmly answer.

"Nas-"

"What?! I was in bed with you last night and now this morning you're willing to put the biggest case of your life at risk to make sure another woman is okay!"

"You really want to do this here?"

"You're doing this on your own Kurt."

"Fine if you wanna talk we can talk." Kurt reached behind his desk and in a file to pull out a micro transparent listening device. "We can talk about that. You've been spying on me and my team for God knows how long and you expect me to care when you get jealous over Jane?"

Nas tried to reason with him but was getting nowhere, especially now. He was shutting down... Well more like shutting her out. She needed to change tactics. And fast.

"You are going to get her killed."

"What?" Kurt glared.

"You going to her safehouse to check on her will most definitely tip Sandstorm off and you will be the sole reason that she is killed! When she signed up for this operation she knew the risks-"

"How do you know Sandstorm has her?" Kurt questioned and slightly stepped closer towards Nas.

"What?"

"What if they don't have her? Have you thought about that?"

"That would be great, then she would come in eventually."

"Eventually?! You don't care about her at all do you? Your only concern is this mission!"

Kurt made a beeline for his office door.

"Kurt wait!"

The door was slightly cracked before he stopped.

"No nas, I'm done. I can't do this. Your blatant disregard for the safety of my team, you hiding things from me, bugging our offices, I'm done." With that said Kurt walked out of his office and headed straight for the SIOC elevator.

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It was a particularly hard night. It was the worst night. Shortly after escaping the blacksite, in Oregon, the nightmares came. But recently, as if they weren't bad enough, they've evolved into fully fledged night terrors. After going three consecutive days with only two hours of sleep per, she consulted Borden who prescribed her Valium to help her sleep and it worked.

Until last night.

Jane had taken her normal dose and fallen asleep within a half hour like normal. But not even twenty minutes later her protective detail, which had been immediately reassigned to her once she returned, had rushed into her safehouse because they heard gut-wrenching screams from within. Upon realization they carefully, but definitely panicked, tried to wake her. Once they succeeded their first instinct was to call Weller and update him but she begged them not to, and after seeing her in such an awful state they decided against it. Rationalizing with the sense that she wasn't in any actual danger so what need would they have to wake their boss up in the middle of the night?

Right?

Eventually Jane tried to fall back asleep, to no avail as within forty-five minutes her detail was back in her room. After that Jane realized that she wasn't going to get any more sleep and instead started to distract herself. She exercised, drew, cooked (ish), and showered.

Once five-am rolled around Jane thought to take matter into her own hands. She needed sleep! She opened her prescription bottle, got out three times her prescribed dosage, threw her head back, and popped 'em in.

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Kurt had taken the Lexus and parked about three blocks from Jane's safehouse because whether he wanted to admit it or not, Nas was right Sandstorm could definitely see him coming to Jane's safehouse as a huge red flag and decide to "cut their losses".

While walking Kurt shot Jane a quick text to let her know that he would be coming through her back door.

No answer.

He slid open her back door and immediately closed it once he was inside.

"Jane?"

He took a couple steps deeper into the house silently praying that she didn't just oversleep.

Then he saw her.... Well her hair, she was covered by the small coffee table in Kurt's direct sight line. She seemed to be laying on the ground in... The middle of her living room?

Kurt side stepped the coffee table, his first instinct being to check for injuries. He took a couple more steps before turning completely around.

OH MY GOD SHE'S NAKED!

Kurt said internally.

"Jane what are you doing?!" She obviously wasn't injured or distressed. This just kept more and more bizarre.

"Excuse me?" Kurt said still turned around.

"Your what?"

What is wrong with her? Is she sick? No she's not coughing, or sneezing, or sweating, panting, moaning.....

Weller oh my God this is serious, get your mind out of the gutter!

Kurt scolded himself.

Okay okay okay so she's naked, on the floor, engaging in odd behaviors, and talking strangely..... Oh God.

"Jane are you high?"

Jane giggles and lightly snorts.

Sh*t.

"Okay then what are you on?"

"Valium?"

"Where did you get them from?"

Borden.

What am I supposed to do with her? She obviously can't go to work.

Kurt looks over his shoulder to see Jane "stargazing" at her popcorn ceiling.

"Jane it's 11am and you're inside!"

Ugh God. Okay first and foremost I need to get her off the floor, into some clothes, fed, and then straight to sleep. Then contact my team to let them know I'll be taking the day and so will Jane. Optics be dam*ed, she needs me. And after Jane wakes up we are going to have a serious talk. Okay let's move.

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Later at SIOC.

"Guys it's Weller!" Patterson yelled signaling for Reade, Zapata, and Nas to follow her to the center console of her lab.

"You're on speaker."

"Is everyone there?" Kurt asked.

"Yep you got all of us." Tasha answered.

"Great. Jane and I are taking the day off. She has a couple of... issues to work out, to say the least, but we'll be back tomorrow."

No-one of the team dared to question this initiative, so Kurt started to delegate.

"No field-work is done without my say-so. Patterson you are in charge of any and all investigative work involving the tattoos. Nas the same instructions go for you except with the Sandstorm case. Tasha-" Kurt was cut off by a loud crash in the background.

"Yes?" Tasha responded.

"Hold on." Kurt walked from his "pacing spot" in Jane's living room to see Jane on her counter top with five porcelain, easily breakable, plates in her hands. "Jane, get down from there! What are you doing?" Kurt approached her slowly. She threw another plate at the wall mimicking the crash from earlier.

Jane says as she breaks another plate.

"I'm pretty sure this isn't what he meant!"

Another plate.

"Jane! Okay okay okay, why are you angry?"

She says throwing a plate towards Kurt who just barely dodged it.

"Um-" Kurt sputters fully aware that he's still on speaker phone, and the entire team can most definitely hear this conversation.

"Jane please get off the counter."

Kurt rubs his temple then brings the phone back up to his ear.

Tasha and Reade are equally stunned and confused, Patterson is trying her hardest to stifle her laughter, while Nas is completely unamused.

"Trouble in paradise?" Reade asked.

Patterson and Tasha back away from the console and cover their mouths to not let Weller hear their laughter.

"Very funny." Kurt says and rolls his eyes.

"Okay seriously what is going on? Why is Jane talking like that? And is she okay?" Tasha questions back to back.

"Oh-My-God." Patterson says, in complete Patterson fashion, wheels turning in her brain so fast you can almost see them. "She's high."

Tasha, Reade, and Nas collectively turn to look at Patterson.

"No... No way. Jane is way too hyper-focused on this to be on something." Reade tries to rationalize.

Kurt rubs his temple again.

"Look Jane and I are taking the day, Patterson you have tattoos, Nas you have Sandstorm, Tasha you're on approvals and clearances that anyone may need from me today, and Reade you get the fun job... Paperwork!" Kurt jokes (a rare occurrence really).

"Oh come on!" Reade exclaims.

The team, even Nas, chuckles while they hear another crash from the other side of the phone.

"Jane I swear to God if you throw ONE MORE PLATE!" Kurt directs his attention back to his team. " Ok everyone I really need to go. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"What about Jane?" Tasha asks.

"Let me worry about her."

"Well at very least try not to get a concussion." Reade quips.

"I'm hanging up now."

"Wait!" Patterson says.

"Yeah?"

"Don't think I don't notice."

"Excuse me?"

" Okay okay okay? You're taking a couple of pages out of my book! I'm actually quite flattered." Patterson smirks.

Kurt lets out a light chuckle.

"I think we all have actually. I heard Reade say 'opposite opposite' the other day!"

"Oh really!"

"Hey! We were supposed to keep that between us!" Reade jokingly scolds Kurt.

"I really have to go now, I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Kurt hangs up.

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Once Jane ran out of plates Kurt looped his arms around her knees and pulled her forward so she would fall over his shoulder. Then he calmly walked her back to her bedroom, where he thought she had been sleeping, and layed her down.

It would have been awkward to carry Jane to bed in only a shirt and panties in a completely platonic way, if he hadn't already done it three other times already. And counting. Plus he was glad (somewhat disappointed, if we're being honest) that she even kept on that much. Trying to control Jane had always been hard even when she first came out of that bag in Times Square, let alone now!

Kurt tucked her in for the fourth time today.

"Now Jane, I really need you to stay in bed this time okay?"

When Jane didn't acknowledge him, Kurt sighed and climbed into the other half of her bed to lay down.

"We are taking a nap!"

Jane gasps. "A Jeller sleepover!"

"Jeller?" Kurt chuckles.

"It's Jane and Weller, I made it up a longggg time ago."

He's gotta admit that when she's not a royal pain "high Jane" was actually pretty funny.

It seems as though having a "Jeller sleepover" was a perfect idea because once she grabbed Kurt's midsection, intertwined her bare legs with his,and snuggled up with him she immediately started dozing off.

That's when Kurt started asking questions. He figured that the best time to try and get any useful information out of her would be now, at her most vulnerable, high and tired.

"Jane?"

"Hmmm?" Jane basically hummed, her voice almost completely back to normal.

She readjusted her 'snuggling grip' around Kurt, holding him tighter. Kurt couldn't stop the butterflies he got from the gesture.

"What did you want to ask?"

He didn't want to ask her why she needed the pills. He wanted her to confide in him with that information, not scheme it out of her. Only when she's completely competent and sober will he ask her that.

"How long have you been taking Valium?"

"About four months, I think?"

Four months. So as soon as she got back from the black site, almost half a year and I had no idea.

"Can I go to sleep now?" Jane said with almost childlike innocence.

Kurt hated to deny her anything but he needed answers.

"Two more questions okay?" He stroked her hair then quickly took his hand away.

"Okay." Jane nuzzled her head into his chest.

More butterflies.

Kurt cleared his throat to compose himself.

"Earlier, when you were on the counter you said that Borden told you that you needed to get your anger out."

Jane yawned.

"Yeah, he said breaking things is a normal coping mechanism with PTSD, and actually one of the least destructive ones compared to drinking."

"Hmmm."

She has PTSD??? Of course she has PTSD she was in a freaking blacksite for three months what did you expect? And you didn't even check in on her.

"Ok last one, you said earlier that you were utilizing your "Jane calm zone". What is that?"

Jane closed her eyes.

"It's where it's quiet." Jane looked up at Kurt for the first time since he got in her bed.

"My thoughts swirl around my head all day unwantedly. They distract me, all the time. Sometimes I can't think because they're screaming. So I imagine a calm place,it's different everytime. The setting doesn't really matter, I just need quiet."

Kurt just stared at her. Whatever he was expecting her to say, that definitely wasn't it. He thought her "calm place" was just a direct hallucination from the Valium, but to know she actually uses it to.... Quiet her thoughts.

He shivered.

"Go to sleep now Jane."

He stroked her hair again. He's been refraining from touching her. High or not he would still be holding her in bed, but he was exhausted. So what the h*ll he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer than she was holding him. It felt better than it should.

He was still actively ignoring his feelings about Jane but he wasn't mad at her anymore. They could even laugh and joke sometimes. He wanted to be there for her. Now more than ever. She needed him, whether she would be able to even remember today or not, she needed him.

Within two minutes of them holding each other they were both in a deep sleep. That couldn't last long enough.

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I would like to make a sincere and formal apology to everyone for being pretty much absent since the finale, but I want to assure everyone that I'm not going anywhere, I just started college courses and they have been a doozy 😭😭 but I am working on like five WIPS at the exact same time and I plan to post at least two to three different fics this week and I need you guys to hold me accountable. Right now the ones that I'm planning on posting are

1. The fic I (hopefully) mentioned about Jane being on Valium for nightmares and

2. This one I never mentioned because it was more of a personal fic written for ne specifically but now I feel like I'm confident enough to share it. It's an AU fic that takes place in late season 2 when the team and Roman were hunting down the ukranian woman engaged to Lelantos and in the episode Kurt wound up saving Roman's life. But the AU is where Kurt couldn't save him and Roman actually dies right then and there and Jane spirals into like a five stages of grief thing. But instead of typical stages it's like anger (snappy), grief (only wearing Roman's clothes), drunk (shows up to the NYO tipsy enough to notice but still be able to work), and I'm working on the other two.

3. Finally the third fic is from Operation Cerulean, and it inquires team shenanigans and light humor!

I hope you guys can forgive me for being MIA so consider these as personal gifts from me! I love you all and I'm sorry.

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

About the Blindspot series finale:

I know I am the only one but I figured that I might as well put it out there.

I am actually very satisfied with Jane dying as an ending!

There I said it. Why, you ask? Because THIS IS BLINDSPOT! The whole show is based off of sacrifices. Remi gave up her entire life and memories for her mission, Tasha was willing to go to PRISON to cover up Reade's Coach Jones mess, Patterson had the team think she was dead so that she could get away to ultimately save them, Mayfair died trying to protect her team, as did Pellington, Kurt sacrificed all his money trying to find Jane when she went on the run, Jane sacrificed her life with her family to keep them safe from assassins, Rich went to a BLACKSITE as to not give up the team, Reade died so that Tasha could live, heck even Madeline did stuff out of the name of sacrifice, and there are so many more that I just don't have the time to name.

So my point is that the whole show is based off of the central point of sacrifice so Jane making the ultimate sacrifice to save BILLIONS of people just seems......fitting to me, you know?

I know that my views are vastly different than everyone a lot of people in this fandom but please don't attack me for it, it's just what I think and I like my thoughts.

Anyways since I have your attention I'm taking this time to say that yes I will still write Blindspot fanfic! I love this show and this fandom too much just to abandon it. And to prove it, I have a couple WIP that I can't seem to work on because they are all vastly different and I have no idea which one I want to write first! So I have listed them below and want you guys' feedback on which one you would like to read first! *hugs*

1. (Early-Mid season 2) Jane has night terrors so her doctor prescribed her Valium for her to sleep better, except one particularly bad night she doesn't sleep at all and decides just to take it in the morning. Which leads to her not showing up for work which inevitably leads to Kurt showing up at her safehouse to find Jane on the floor high out of her mind! (Total crack fic that will definitely lead to angst and smut)

2. (Very VERY early season 1) After Kurt drops Jane off at her safehouse and says "How are you holding up?" And she says "Physically a little banged up... Emotionally... I- I don't know."

"Everything will be okay, Jane."

"I don't know what that feels like."

Then Kurt hugs her. But this is where the AU part comes in.

"Make me."

"What?" Kurt steps back confused.

"Make me feel okay Kurt."

(This fic is just straight smut)

3. (Early season 1) Jane still isn't used to having two protective details on her at all times and it gets ESPECIALLY awkward when two guys dressed in all black are following her around the freaking grocery store like they're her bodyguards. So she reluctantly, because Jane is ridiculously stubborn and NEVER asks for help, asks Kurt to go grocery shopping with her so that the detail doesn't have to come, he of course agrees and comes along but merciless teasing ensues when Kurt realizes that Jane's idea of "grocery shopping" is popcorn, ice cream, and wine! 😂

(This fic is definitely fluff, which may lead into being multiple chapters)

And last but not least

4. (Early season 1 literally the second episode) Au where after Jane is in the car crash chasing down Major Arthur Gibson Kurt makes her go to the hospital because she is obviously down-playing her pain. Jane refuses so Kurt insists which leads Jane to become panicky and short of breath, and Kurt tries to calm her and realizes quickly that she does not like hospitals. But when she is finally actually brought to the hospital an IV is inserted which triggers her memory of being hospitalized in BORDEN'S HOUSE.

(Ultimate AU, definite adventure angst, but also comfort from Kurt. This most likely will be multi chapter)

Out of these four WIP's which one would you like to read first?! Let me know in the comment section please I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

I don't know why but I have this incredible urge to write early season one Jeller smut

🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷

Not a Game

AU edition of Rich's attempted get away after the Akkadian.

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It turns out that Rich actually had tampered with their system. And of course he did, he's Rich Dotcom. Thank God for Patterson, she was the only one smart enough to find Rich. Once she did the team swooped in and rearrested him. That's when it started, Kurt had at least been civil to Jane while in front of Rich but now....

"It's just nice to know that people don't change. " He said with a furrowed brow and small smirk. Everyone on that team knew what he was doing, trying to get at least one little dig at Jane in.

Jane didn't let her smug smile towards Rich fade and made sure to move her mouth as little as possible, because she knew Rich could very well read lips, when she very discreetly cautioned "This isn't a game you want to play with me. "

Kurt glanced down at her and she glared up at him. Rich cocked his head to the side, he knew something was up but this definitely confirmed it. Rich didn't really take Kurt as a "petty" Person so to have him obviously take a secret dig at Jane was surprising and h*lla confusing.

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Reade recuffed Rich, and Tasha cuffed Boston. Patterson walked each of them to the SUV they personally were driving them in to take them back to SIOC to wait for the actual prisoner transport to arrive.

Meanwhile Kurt grabbed Jane by the arm and tugged her to the opposite side of the prisoner transport truck, the side that was secluded.

Jane shook out of his grip frustrated. Kurt was very obviously about to scold her but she beat him to it.

" Let me guess, I'M out of line because you took a dig at me,right? "

Kurt pointed at Jane while he talked.

"Now you listen to me-"

"No you listen to me. You think I don't know what you're doing?! Every single chance you get you somehow find a way to take a petty dig at me and I. Am. Done. Kurt. I'm done! I thought that you would at least refrain in front of Rich but I guess I overestimated your character." She whisper yelled.

"Jane I-"

"Save it. Because of your relentless need to put me down we are going to have a very long wait for actual prisoner transport to get Rich. Filled with questions, accusations, and my personal favorite ridiculous inappropriate commentary because you couldn't keep it together." Jane took a breath and recuperated. "Look, I understand your resentment, but I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean -can't do this- Jane?"

"Don't make me say it, we both know that there was and is a this."

Kurt clenched his jaw and looked away.

"I have been clenching my teeth and stomaching all of the hatred thrown at me because I more than anyone know that I-messed-up, I was in the wrong. I know that so if you need to keep insulting me to be able to be in the same room with me than I will tolerate it but I just-"

"Just what, Jane?"

"I need a break Kurt! At very least in front of Rich. I deserve at least that much"

Before Kurt could apologize or even try to form some sort of apology she walked away.

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Back in interrogation Jane and Weller are sitting across from Rich waiting on the actual prisoner transport crew to arrive, which is going to take a while since it's now 3 in the morning.

They all were exhausted so there was a silence in the room for the first five minutes, at least until Rich got his second wind.

"So Jane from my understanding you're a consultant but wear an FBI vest and not just an FBI vest a Critical Response Team vest especially made for special agents. You're allowed in the field and undercover, but you are not an FBI agent. Why?"

Jane's eyes widened. She forgot that other than being an absolute moron Rich is a genius.

Rich studied Jane's reaction then turned to Kurt who lowered his gaze at him but wasn't glaring.

"You know I don't really care why-"

"Then why did you ask?" Jane asked confused.

"To analyze. See the last time I was here when I even tried to utter a word that could be somewhat remotely close to resembling you I got a death glare from agent Stubbly over here. But not this time, and he might just be tired I get that but something is definitely off. Because 2, you didn't look to Kurt. Whenever someone asks you a question, or figures out a piece of the puzzle, or anything really you look to Kurt first. And you didn't you stared at me, or the wall, the ceiling, the floor, but not Kurt. So what the h*ll is going on here?! And tell me the truth."

Rich was abnormally serious, it was actually quite frightening.

"Look Rich we're tired, and there's nothin-" Jane tried to salvage the conversation.

"This isn't a game you want to play with me."

Jane looked down, she thought she was subtle enough. Guess not.

"Do those words ring a bell Janie?"

Kurt finally steps in.

"Alright enough. It's too early AND too late for this. Rich, Jane and I's history is none of your d*mn business. You are an informant that's all, what my team does and does not do is also none of your business. Is that clear?"

Jane was astonished. He stood up for her! The thought that maybe just maybe they actually would be ok was inevitably spiraling around her brain and put a very faint smile on her face. But was immediately wiped away.

"I know how childish this sounds but Rich I need a break!"

There it was. Another dig. But this one didn't just hurt, it stung. Mimicking her words from earlier, the words she used as pure honesty. She needed just one day to not be reminded of the resentment, one hour even. She was vulnerable with him and he called it childish?? CHILDISH?!?!

Jane stifled her involuntary gasp, clenched her teeth and tried to keep her eyes from stinging with tears. It was too much.

"You had to do it didn't you?"

Her voice came out shaky and hoarse, she walked out immediately leaving Rich completely and utterly stunned and Kurt stilled in place.

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Rich leaned forward in his chair.

"What in the literal h*ll is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?" Kurt had a dangerous look in his eye which Rich would have found unbelievably hot if he hadn't been outraged with his behavior.

"One of THE most amazing women in the world, and trust me I would know I have met my fair share of international women, is whole heartedly in love with you and you take her heart and perform emotional acupuncture on it every single chance you get! So I'll ask again what-in-the-literal-h*ll-is-wrong-with-you?!"

Kurt stood up to leave but quickly remembered that one of them had to keep an eye on Rich and with Jane's storming out he was on full-time babysitting duty.

He slowly pulled his chair back out and sat down. His posture was slumped like his shoulders weighed a thousand pounds each and he steadily looked at the table. He looked so... Sad.

"Look, you and I both know that I have an unhealthy amount of investment in you and Jane's relationship. I don't actually know why either, it just kind of happened. Kurt there is something special about the two of you, something you only see in the movies. It's magical, it's an energy, it's an aura, it's... Well it's everything. I know that you can salvage it because I know you'll want to, or do want to. You just don't know how. You've spent so much of your life closed off to the world that it became easy, a defense mechanism that was completely foolproof. Until Jane, Jane was unprecedented for you she wormed her way through every single defense you had then I'm guessing tore you apart from the inside."

Kurt cleared his throat, obviously choking back tears. He was hurt but never hurt enough to cry in front of Rich Dotcom.

"But that's the thing with love, it's a power. And once you hand that power over to someone they can completely destroy you. Tear you apart limb from limb while you stand there and watch, because you still love them. That's the kind of love you and Jane have, Jane could break your left kneecap and you still wouldn't hurt a hair on her head."

Aside from their fight in the Motel but Kurt chose not to correct him.

"She broke you but she can build you back up again with one smile if you let her."

Kurt finally looked up at Rich when the door opened and in walked prisoner transport, Kurt made a beeline for the door, he couldn't have more agents seeing him like this.

"ONE SMILE KURT! THAT'S ALL IT WILL TAKE!"

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Jane was still in the locker room. She would have went home but she knew that she couldn't make it in her state of mind. It would have been as dangerous as walking home drunk. Except she was more afraid of the risk of her snapping and killing someone than she was of getting mugged.

So there she was on the bench in the locker room almost in a catatonic like state. She thought that once she was alone she would have broke down in sobs but this, well this was much much worse. Thoughts and memories were swirling around her brain like a emotional turmoil whirlpool.

You'remystartingpointyouneedtolistentomehappybirthdayJanepizzaorhotdogswithhushpuppiesthere'saparkattheendofmystreetyou'reagoodpersonJanekeepthemsafeyou'renotakillernicehaircutthatmeansIcandothis

It was paralyzing.

Until her train of thought was interrupted by the door opening.

"Jane we need to talk."

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Kurt approached the opposite side of the bench to sit.

"Please don't."

"Jane we need-"

"I don't want to talk to you, I'm never going to be ready to talk to you."

"I know but-" Kurt approached again.

"Do. Not. Sit. Near. Me" Jane commanded through gritted teeth.

Kurt obeyed opting to stand in front of her but not directly, and just out of arm's reach just in case she lashed out.

"I'm sorry, Jane. For everything. I went too far, I pushed you too far."

Jane humorlessly chuckled.

"You pushed-. You say you don't hate me, then you push me, you say that you tried to murder the man who hurt me then you push me, you defend me, you protect me, you simultaneously keep me by your side and at arms length, you smile at me then you push me, you-" Jane's voice cracked after having so much bite in it, it's such a dramatic change in tone. "You know exactly how to get my hopes up just to squander them. So no Kurt the problem isn't that you pushed me too far. It's that you pushed me too much."

"You have to believe Jane, that I am so sorry."

He knew he had to say more. He at least owed her that much.

He sighed deeply.

"I've never been good at opening up to people. After the incident, before my mother took off she put me in therapy after therapy trying to get me to open up to someone. It never worked. Some people may have even called me stubborn."

Jane tried not to smile, but Kurt could tell that she was holding back and it made him feel a little better.

"Anyways, whenever I went to the actual appointment I would just sit there and stare at the wall, my hands, my feet, for a whole hour and a half. I even made some of my therapists believe that I was mute, that was until my mother would pick me up and ask what I would like to eat when I get home and I would scream at the top of my lungs MEAT!"

Against Jane's will she let out the softest chuckle, and Kurt couldn't help but think

It really does only take one smile.

"Eventually the therapists would refer me somewhere else because they needed to tend to the patients who wouldn't -waste their time- and the cycle would continue. I wouldn't talk to anyone at school either, and I couldn't talk to Sarah. I was her protector, her rock. I couldn't fall apart on her. So I learned to build walls. The walls allowed me to keep moving forward, they allowed me to take care of my sister while everything in me wanted to run away and never come back. They kept me sane."

Kurt cleared his throat.

"H*ll I hadn't cried in about twenty years, until you showed up."

Jane's gaze flicked towards him at lightning speed.

"With one touch of your hand on my cheek, something in me broke. All of a sudden all of my walls that protected me came crashing down, letting you waltz in. Which was why the day I arrested you I was a wreck. All of the hurt and pain wasn't stopped by my walls. You destroyed me; You know I literally had a pain in my chest when I arrested you. Like my heart couldn't take it. Which was why the CIA was even able to take you in the first place. I placed you in the interrogation room and walked out. I was going to wait for Pellington then interrogate you but I had this awful constricting pain in my chest that I had never felt before. It was too much. I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry. I just blacked out. An agent eventually found me lying in the hallway and had me taken down to medical. They said that I was most likely -overwhelmed- and I said what about the pain in my chest and you know what they said-"

Jane was enthralled. She couldn't look away.

"They said that there was no -medical explanation for it- I was healthy. Then one of the nurses asked if I had been hurt emotionally in the past 24 hours. I asked why and she said that -studies have proven that heartbreak can actually cause a string in your heart to break- hence the name heartbreak. She said that it was highly probable. After twenty years of not feeling you come and you make me feel alive then you break one of my heartstrings."

"Oh."

"So Jane you have to understand that I am trying to cope but there is no excuse for my behavior, I will change I promise I will. I'm just- I'm just hurt Jane." Kurt said finally letting a couple of tears spill over.

"That makes two of us." Jane says letting a lone tear streak her face.

"Can I please sit now? My legs are killing me." Kurt says jokingly.

Jane laughs.

"Come here."

Kurt takes the invitation and drops to his knees in between her legs and hugs her. They hold onto each other tightly, while Kurt keeps whispering apologies in her ear.

"I really love you, you know that?"

"I know"

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Toy With Me

Remi slaps Kurt for throwing away her needle. (inspired from Scandal) Rated M.

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"I'm not the only one who needs you, the world needs you. " It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to her, and she knew that it meant more to her than it probably (most definitely) should. So she hugged him. But she wasn't off the hook that easy, her subconscious still fought to have an underlying hatred for him. She needed a reason to hate him.

"So what did you do with it? The needle. "

"I threw it out. " He said with confusion and no kind of genuine remorse for ruining any thought of a back up plan for her.

Her temper flared "That wasn't your decision to make. "

"I know but the thought of you doing something drastic I-"

She couldn't help it, rage deep inside of her bubbled and popped, and out of nowhere she slapped him. Hard.

As soon as she did, she was a hair away from apologizing, but decided against it. Settling as she didn't need to apologize to her enemy. Or so she calls him.

She looked down at her hands and saw that they were trembling, that's not the normal response to slapping your enemy.

"What the h*ll?! Did you just slap me? "

She stood up and so did he.

"I need some air. "

"The h*ll you do."

She sprinted to the door and opened it just a crack before he was behind her, his hands on opposite sides of her head slamming the door back shut. She stayed with her back to him and took a couple of breaths, preparing herself to look him in the eye, he was so close.

"What is going on with you? You've been acting different. Even now you look so tense you're going to throw up. Just from me being close to you. "

He breathed the last words in her ear and the goosebumps on her neck arose to be visible to a blind man. She turned around and shoved him back in one swift move.

"I'm motherf*cking dying Kurt, that's what's wrong. " She had an inflection in her voice, did he know?

"And you have no right to tell me how to behave or-"

He was inching closer to her.

"Do not touch me, Kurt don't touch me, don't tou- please" She whimpered her last protest as he snaked one arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him.

She was silent, he was silent. They were breathing heavily and Remi wouldn't look Kurt in the eye. He tried to tilt her chin up for her to look at him but she kept her eyes down.

"Look at me. " He whispered.

"No, and you can't control me. " Her voice was as soft as his.

"I love you. "

She was fiddling with his shirt buttons, still not looking at him. She wanted to say that he didn't love her. That he loved Jane, not her. But that would blow her cover.

"Look at me. " He said again with more authority. When she looked at him her eyes were huge, green, and filling with tears.

"I love you, you know that. You can feel that."

She started shaking her head no.

"No Kur-"

"I know. Trust me I know. " He lowered his eyes, and she knew. He knew she wasn't Jane anymore.

During the conversation their foreheads were in constant contact. She kept trying to wriggle out of his embrace but he wouldn't let her.

This time she shoved him back so she could move farther away.

"What? No Kurt- you can't toy with me like this. " She sounded disgusted, like he was really trying to play her.

Instead of talking he marched up to her and pulled into a deep, searing kiss. It was deep, so deep. Not just physically but emotionally. She started to push him away but he just pulled her closer until she gave in.

He backed her up onto the wall then broke the kiss, to gently lay his forehead on hers. They had only been kissing for a couple seconds but they were already panting.

"Do you want me to stop? " He whispered.

One shake of the head that he couldn't see, but feel, was all he needed. He started kissing her again this time firmly pressing his body right up against hers, trapping her on the wall. Though she didn't mind.

He moved her longer than normal hair out of the way and started to kiss her neck. That's when her first moan escaped. She sighed his name in a breathy moan as he kept kissing her. Then not breaking his authority over this situation he said.

"Take off your clothes. "

She looked him in the eye as she popped open the button on her jeans and unzipped the zipper, who's sound was ten times louder in the almost silent room. She kept his eye contact as she slid out of her jacket and reached for the hem of her t shirt and yanked it over her head, messing up her hair just enough.

"Now tell me what you want. " She thought that maybe he was behaving differently because she was Remi, but then she realized he never had to ask Jane to verify her feelings, lust or love they knew what the other needed.

"I want you to stop f*cking with my brain. " She said, oddly in control. Kurt closed his eyes, so she started again.

"I want you to say my name. " She said barely even a whisper, as if she was ashamed to say it. But there was so much wonder and confliction in her voice. She needed to know. Did he know her?

"I love you. "

"Kurt stop. " She started to try and move past him.

"Remi, I love you. So much. And I need you to want me."

"I do Kurt. I really do. "

Once she said that there was no more hesitation. He kissed her again, hot and desperate. He needed this. With one hand on her waist he slipped his other hand down into her panties. As Remi she started to wear flashier underwear, he figured she felt more feminine in it, since she has such a masculine wardrobe.

Her gorgeous underwear was soaked. She groaned as he used the heel of his hand to massage her entirety at once. It felt like he was claiming her, but not in a dominant/feminine way but more of a I-want-you-to-be-my-lover-forever way.

She was sighing and moaning as he ground his palm against her clit creating so much friction it was unbearable. Even though her need was building up, they were moving slowly and sensually, writhing on each other. It was plain hot. She gasped as he singled out his pointer finger to circle her clit.

"Kurt" She moaned. "I need- I want you. " She wasn't ready to admit she needed him, even sexually. She couldn't.

Instead of ripping off her bra and underwear, not to mention the rest of his clothes, and plunging into her like she thought he would. He flipped his hand and put one- two fingers inside of her. At first he was teasing her for her pleasure but now it was because she refrained from saying she needed him, so now he was going to make her beg for it. Plus he's always loved fingering Jane, so why wouldn't he give it a go with Remi?

"F*ck Kurt, please. "

He started to pump faster, and angled his hand so every time he did he put pressure on her clit. She was moaning more and more, louder and louder, so loud that she covered her own mouth with her hand to muffle herself.

Kurt removed her hand and pressed up against her tighter so she could use his shoulder instead. The pumping of his fingers made an erogenous sound that endlessly turned him on.

"Now tell me. Do. You. Need. Me? "

He was staring at her with such intensity. She threw her head back and moaned as he slightly curled his fingers inside her.

"Yes" She said, panting.

He buried his fingers deep inside of her to bring her over the edge in a final pump. She moaned into his shoulder as he gently pumped his fingers to bring her down from her high. Her back was arched off the wall and she looked so d*mn sexy.

"You want me to tell you what I want. " Kurt swallowed, equally afraid and sexually intrigued to see where this was going. She looked at him with fierce eyes. "I want you to turn me around and f*ck me right against this wall. I don't want you to do anything you've done with Jane before I want new."

"That's what you want? "

"Yes." She said trying to seem like she wasn't shaking waiting for his response. Trying to intimidate.

"Yes ma'am"

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Personally Inpersonal

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"Let's get you out of here. "

Kurt nods, not trusting his voice.

Reade leads Kurt into an empty SIOC except for a spinning Tasha and immediately has about a million questions but instead stomachs them. He has his hand on Kurt's shoulder and guides him to the elevator.

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Tasha hears Weller's office door start to open and she stands up. She braces herself for the 'Rath of Weller'. Which surprisingly never comes.

He walks right past her without saying anything. Reade has his hand on his shoulder and they're walking towards the elevators, Reade winks at her and motions 'call me' so for now she knows that she'll be fine.

They get in the elevator and she watches the door close.

"Thank God! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! " Since she's not fired she decides to check on Jane, and fill in some pretty big blanks.

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Tasha walks into see Patterson hugging a crying Jane.

"Oh Jane. "

She knows that it must hurt like h*ll to have the person you love be so..... Well he wasn't violent he was just so..... Aggressive. Patterson caught Tasha up on why the events of the day occurred because Jane couldn't.

Jane finally settled down enough to partly detach from Patterson.

"I just- why couldn't I have been normal? Why do I always have to hurt people. I'm just so tired. "

"I know you meant mentally tired but I think we're all physically tired so..... Let's go. " Tasha says confident they won't disagree.

"Where are we going? " Patty asks.

"To my house. We need to be together. " Tasha says affirming to Jane who she knows would definitely not want to be alone.

"Ok." Jane said weakly.

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Reade took Kurt to his apartment. He had left over Chinese in the fridge which he offered Kurt, to no avail. Kurt deflected as if he wasn't hungry but really he just didn't want another reminder of Jane. They used to get Chinese every Friday after work.

"You need to eat. "

"I know. " Kurt layed on the couch.

"Thank you for everything Reade. "

"You'd do it for me. Now drink some tea at least. "

"Ugh I'd rather face Pellington right now. "

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They arrived at Tasha's house. She unlocked the door and led them inside. The plan was to fix dinner, eat, and talk. But as soon as they walked in the only thing on their minds was 'bed'.

Tasha took the left side of the bed, Jane in the middle and Patty on the right. Jane held Tasha's middle and Patty stroked her back and hair until she fell asleep. Patterson and Tasha we're careful to disentangle themselves from Jane's grip without waking her so they could FaceTime Reade.

Reade picked up on the first ring.

"What the literal f*ck?! " Reade whisper-yelled. Kurt was asleep on his couch so he had to be quiet.

"Yeah what the h*ll?! "

"For real what in the seven h*ll was that?! "

The whole first part of their conversation consisted of mostly obscentities.

"Okay okay okay, we need to make a game plan. "

"A game plan? " "A game plan?

"Yes. Because things are all kinds of out of whack right now and we need to get our glass house back in order before we start throwing stones at Sandstorm. "

"Okay so tomorrow let's use the conference room and have a team meeting. "

"With the blinds closed."

"Obviously."

"Okay now let's figure out what to address. "

"Firstly, we need to address how to fix Kurt's reputation. Oh yeah, good job with the damage control Tasha!" Reade snickered.

"Shut up!"

"Anyways.... "

"Anyways..... Then we address how to get Pellington off our backs, next we address our roles as a team, how we function for now. "

"Okay that's reasonable. "

"We'll get past this right? "

"Let's hope so. "

They hang up.

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The next morning they met in the conference room. None of them looked refreshed. But at least there were actual agents in the building this time!

They all sat down, Reade and Kurt on one side and Tasha, Patty, and Jane on the other. Nobody really knew how to start so Tasha took the lead.

"First and foremost, we are a team. And right now our sole goal is to stay alive and to stay united. Which is why we called this meeting because we need to be a united front or else we have no chance against Sandstorm's army. "

"So first we need to discuss how to repair your reputation, Kurt. We, Tasha, Reade, and I have been turning it over in our heads and we can't come up with a solid solution yet. "

"You guys don't need to worry about that, let me handle that part. "

"Ok then the other thing we need to address is what roles we're all going to have on this team and have they changed. Should we pair up differently in the field or should we work in groups of two and three at the office or something like that? "

"No everyone does their job and does it well just because we had a 'falling out' doesn't mean we should put people's lives at risk."

"Agreed."

"Ok then the last thing that needs to be discussed is yesterday in general, but we're not needed for this part.

Reade, Tasha, and Patty left the conference room. Some would say 'If he almost killed her yesterday why would you leave her alone with him again?! ' But they all knew that they were both safe. Plus Jane could handle herself.

Kurt walked around to Jane's side of the conference table and sat on it, to where Jane, sitting in her chair, had to look up at him.

"Jane I'm sorry. "

"You don't have to be. I deserved it."

"No Jane, you don't. Your past self certainly does though. But, this doesn't mean that I'm not still angry, because I am. I just think that we need to make an effort to repair our relationship."

"And how do we do that?"

"Slowly. You have to give me time."

"Ok. Do you still want to get Chinese on Friday though?"

"Of course. It's tradition!"

"And maybe during the car ride you could tell me about her? "

"That sounds nice. "

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Personal

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She walked into Kurt's office dreading this conversation because she knew how it would play out, she knew that he would never forgive her and she knew that their relationship as whatever they were was over.

"Hey Jane- are you ok? " Jane licks her lips and tries to speak but she already feels the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I remembered something. Something horrible and- and I-" She was cut off by Kurt wrapping his arms around her. It didn't matter that the blinds to his office were open and that all of SIOC could see, he just hated to see her cry. And she hugged him so tightly, in fear that they were numbered.

"Shhh Jane it's ok. What is it? "

"It's not ok Kurt. It's not." She said into his now tear stained shirt.

"I killed Emma. "

"What? " Kurt almost reflexively pushed her off of him albeit very gently for a shove.

"I killed her because she would know that I wasn't her daughter, and I'm so sorry Kurt. " Her voice broke mid sentence, and with Kurt tearing up an overwhelming sense of guilt bubbled inside of her. Kurt was speechless, he looked like he wanted to punch something.

"I swear Kurt, if I would have known I never would have done it. And I'm so so-"

"Stop Jane! Just stop. You killed her? " Kurt got dangerously close to her but Jane stood her ground, turning her chin up slightly fully prepared for Kurt to lash out.

"Yeah I did! " Adrenaline rushed through her, she was sure that Kurt was about to fight her.

"Get out. "

"No."

"Jane get out now. I don't want to do something I'll regret, so get out! "

"No! Hit me! I killed her Kurt! A wonderful woman to manipulate you!" She was trying to fuel his anger, she needed him to hate her as much as she hated herself.

"Jane I swear to God! "

He was so close. He wanted to strangle her but he was trying so hard not to. All of SIOC was staring at the two.

Jane started to walk towards Kurt to provoke him even further.

"Do it! The last word she whispered was your name Kurt! So do it! "

He snapped. He grabbed Jane by her shoulders and shoved her up against his office wall.

"DAM*IT JANE! "

He still had his hands on her shoulders and his fingers we're digging into her skin through her leather jacket.

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Reade, Zapata, and Patterson all watched the whole conversation.

"Should we step in? " Patterson asked after it was visibly clear that they were screaming at each other.

"You really want to go in there right now? " Tasha said sarcastically.

"I hate to agree with her but she's right, plus they're grown ups they can handle i-"

Kurt shoved Jane up against the wall.

Reade, Zapata and Patterson rushed into the room.

"Kurt! What are you doing?! " Patterson yelled.

"Let her go man, let her go. " Reade said grabbing Kurt's shoulder. His hands around her shoulders were turning white, Kurt obviously wanted to strangle her but why?

"Jane! Kurt what the h*ll, STOP! " Tasha yelled.

All three members were physically trying to pry him off of her. All while, Kurt was tightening his grip, and Jane was becoming more tense. He was trying so hard not to hit her. He finally let her go, and she put her feet back on the ground. Then he punched the wall way too close to her face, making the entire team jump. Tasha and Patterson rushed Jane out of Kurt's office while Reade stayed back.

They walked out of the office and Tasha worked damage control while Patterson worked Jane control; All of SIOC watched their supervisor almost strangle his subordinate and were reasonably intrigued.

"What are you looking at?! Get to work now! We're the FBI for God sakes! "

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Patterson walked Jane to her lab, and got her some hot chocolate.

"Jane what the everloving h*ll was that about? " Her voice was so soft and filled with concern.

"I had a memory. "

"All of this over a memory? I don't buy it. What aren't you telling me Jane? "

Jane took a deep breath.

"I killed Emma Shaw. " Patterson's jaw dropped.

"She would have known you weren't her daughter. "

"Exactly."

"You are so lucky. "

"What?! "

"If you were anybody else, and I mean ANYBODY Kurt definitely would have killed you. He was holding you by your shoulders but you and I both know that he wanted to be gripping your neck, he was visibly restraining himself. You could clearly see in his posture that he wanted to kill you but something in him refused to hurt you. " She glanced at Jane's jacket that had fingerprint indents. "Well at least badly. "

"Yeah." Jane teared up and Patterson hugged her. "Why did I have to be like this? Why?"

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Firstly Reade closed the blinds, then he sat on Kurt's desk and waited for Kurt to at least calm down a little before he attempted to get through to him, half so he would know that he was actually listening and half because he was afraid that he would turn on him too.

"I'm just gonna say it. What the f*ck dude? Do you understand that you're the assistant director of the New York Office of the FBI or did you just forget that? "

Kurt turned to him, his face filled with anger and grief.

"Your reputation is pretty much gone, the only reason it's not completely out the window is because A) Tasha is working damage control out there and B) You didn't actually strangle her. But how do they know that? " He said gesturing towards all of the other agents. "From their viewpoints it doesn't look it. When we rushed in here we were relieved, so think about how they feel. "

Done with the lecture Kurt finally spoke.

"She killed Emma." Reade looked confused.

"Emma Shaw. Taylor Shaw's mother. She killed her. " His voice developed a growl.

"Oh. Because she would have known that Jane wasn't her daughter right? She was covering her bases, tying up a loose end. "

"Yeah. That's all she was to her, a loose f*cking end. She was basically my mom! What am I supposed to do? How can I work with her? How am I supposed to keep going knowing that she was killed because of her connection to me? "

Reade hugged Kurt to him. He rarely ever hugged anyone, except Tasha, but he holds Kurt as if it's normal, as if he's been training.

"It's ok. You're not broken Kurt, and you can keep going. "

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Tasha had been doing pretty well on the damage control edge of things but that was pretty short lived.

"Get to work! Come on come on, let's go move it! "

One agent stepped in.

"Move it? You expect us to work harder because our boss seems to be unstable? Huh uh no way! If anything we shouldn't have to do anything, obviously he's not very occupied with work so why should we be? "

"Hey! If you want to keep your badge then you'll be on your merry way rookie. " Tasha marched right up to him. "If any of you want a paycheck then I suggest you do as your told!"

"Actually I'm going home for the day. "

That one agent inspired others to 'get smart'.

"Yeah. We're obviously not needed."

"Yeah! "

"Ok all of you sit your a*ses down! "

That same agent marched right back up to Tasha in defiance.

"Well if we stay we may feel compelled to oh- I don't know tell the director that there was an incident because that's really unprofessional and being a rookie I would hate to not report unjust leadership. "

She lost.

Soon all of the agents in SIOC were gone. And Tasha was sitting in one of those spinning office chairs turning in circles and taking last looks of all of SIOC, because she was for sure fired.

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All Planned Out

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Why do I always do something stupid when I get drunk? Now don't get wrong I love going out with the girls but why oh God why do I always have to do something stupid when I get drunk?! Anyways, why am I on the floor and who's floor am I on? Ok maybe I should (mentally) retrace my steps.

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"You need to let looooooseeeee! " Tasha yelled over the excruciatingly loud music.

"I'm trying! " I never really felt comfortable dancing, much less in a club with people so close to me.

"Here Jane just take my hands and follow my lead! " I did as Patty said and took her hands and followed her lead. Oh I just realized that Rich's nickname for Patterson actually caught on and that makes me about as nauseous as this horrid hangover does. But anyways, we mostly jumped around than danced but it was actually pretty fun!

Then the drinks came in.

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"My feet hurt, let's go to the bar! " Tasha yelled.

We went over and talked a little, I guess I was noticeably upset. I mean why wouldn't I be? Kurt just told me that he wasn't even at the park, right when I was about to explain why I wasn't there! That d*mn park.

"Look Jane I know it hurts that Kurt wasn't at the park, and that he said you two would be 'too complicated' but this isn't the end of the world. I promise. It's still rotating, albeit very slowly. So why don't we just forget about all of our problems and have a really fun night? I mean isn't that what girls nights out are for?" For Patterson to be so blunt I guess I looked worse off than I thought.

" You are entirely correct! Look Jane we're all a family, when one of us is sad we're all sad. We all love you and just want you to be happy so let's have some fun! " That was the first time that Tasha addressed the team as my family and it spread a great warmth through me.

"Alright let's do it!"

So we headed back to the dance floor.

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We danced for a couple more hours before I bowed out. I took a seat closest to the dance floor. It was actually more entertaining to watch them dance. But being alone with my thoughts is never a great idea. My mind went straight back to Kurt. Then I remembered what Tasha and Patty said about being sad and that plus my blood alcohol level decided you know what that guy shouldn't have the power to bring my mood down! I'm going to let him know that!

So I dialed Kurt's number.

Dang it voicemail.

"Hey Kurt I was calling to tell you that I don't care that you weren't at the park, and you don't get to have this poWeR over my mOod anymore! Because you know what iiiiiiiiii am over you! And that my friend is what they call closure! "

I hung up and joined the girls back on the dance floor.

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None of us could drive in our current state and Tasha's apartment was the closest to the club so we walked there and somehow made it home intact. And oh- I just realized that I consider Tasha's house, home and that brings a smile to my face. Anyways, in a drunken haze we had the wonderful idea of having a 'sleepover party'. We made a makeshift fort in Tasha's living room and slept on the floor. Needless to say that when we woke up with killer back aches that idea seemed less than stellar.

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I woke up first with a huge groan. I had a splitting headache and it felt like all my muscles we're strained, part from sleeping on Tasha's floor and part from dancing most of the night away.

Tasha was next. She woke up with a groan like mine and I caught her up to speed on what happened last night or what I could remember of last night (some of it was fuzzy so I figured I dreamt it). We both agreed to stay where we were until Patterson woke up, so she wouldn't wake up alone. Also, because we both knew that once we got out of this fort the morning rays would send our headaches into overdrive. Patterson woke up about a half hour later with a loud groan which made Zapata and I laugh so hard we wheezed, it seemed like we all knew each other's pain a little too well.

"Guys we have to get up, we have to be at work in about twenty minutes. Who wants to shower first?" I tried to coax them.

"I'll be right behind you once I learn how to stand. " Patterson said dramatically.

With many setbacks we all got ready for work. Buttttttt we may owe Tasha a new coffee table. Don't judge ok? We all needed support standing up and apparently three grown women putting most of their body weight on one glass coffee table isn't a good idea. It broke and sent us all tumbling back to the ground. Second was, apparently Tasha and Patty shower together. I was shocked.

" I'll make coffee and you two can figure out which one of you want to take the first shower. "

"Actually we shower together. You know to save water and stuff, FBI paychecks only cover so much. " Tasha said nonchalantly.

"Come on Jane, don't look like that. It's nothing inappropriate we just help each other wash up and get out, you could come too if you want. " Patterson grabbed my shoulder.

"Not to be rude but I'm not a very uh- open person. I think I'm my most open with you guys but I just don't think I'm quite that comfortable yet. "

"Ok next time, toots. " Tasha winked and started to laugh at my shocked face.

That was setback number two. Setback number three was the fact that Patterson and I didn't have a change of clothes and we didn't have time to go to our separate houses. With me being so tall it took a while to find something from Tasha's closet that doesn't look small on me, and Tasha has like no waist so it took forever to find something for Patterson.

We left with about five minutes to spare. Which we killed by going for a coffee run.

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We arrived at SIOC right on time. Patty was wearing one of Tasha's dull navy blue button-ups with fitting black jeans, Tasha was wearing a gorgeous lower cut, black button up with a black blazer and sleek black pants, and of course, her famous heels. I was wearing a dulled emerald green button up with sleek black boot cut pants. And of course we were all wearing sunglasses. Our attire distracted everyone from our obvious hangovers. Thank God.

We also got a lot of looks, and compliments throughout the office. Especially Patterson. The navy brought out her eyes.

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After last night, we decided to leave separately. I was still in the office well after everyone. Everyone except Kurt. Kurt and I were the only two left in SIOC. He finally got up.

"Goodnight Jane. "

I had almost succeasfully played it cool all day.

"Goodnight-oh wait did I call you yesterday?"

"Um- I don't know. I'll check. Do you not remember? " Kurt started chuckling and walking closer to me.

"Ok you caught me. Tasha, Patty, and I went out last night and had a few too many."

"Wow." Kurt started almost giggling. Which instantly made me start to laugh.

"Yeah. Are you sure I didn't call you? Actually, maybe it was a dream. "

"Ohhh you're dreaming about me now?"

"Don't flatter yourself. "

"Wayyyyy too late for that. Actually wait-"

Kurt pulled out his phone.

"Yeah you actually did call me, you left a message too. "

Jane froze. Kurt put his phone on speaker.

Hey I was just calling to let you know...

Jane launched into action and sprinted straight for him.

"NO KURT DON'T LISTEN TO THAT! "

Kurt sprinted in the other direction. They were now running in circles around SIOC.

.....poWeR over my moOd

Jane then jumped onto her desk and jumped onto Kurt's back in a last ditch effort to take Kurt's phone out of his hand. Except she wasn't entirely on his back. One of her legs was swung over his shoulder and the other was slightly dragging on the ground.

Iiiiiiiii am over you! And that my friend is what they call closure!

Kurt stopped running, and Jane stopped trying to grab Kurt's phone. She was still on his back and he didn't try to get her off. Instead he slightly adjusted her so she was properly on his back, so he was supporting her weight and the risk of her falling off was minimal.

"You're over me? " Kurt sounded so.... Hurt.

"Kurt- I- I don't know. "

She was so grateful that she didn't have to look him in the eye when she said that. She got off his back and made a beeline for the locker room. Grabbed her stuff then took the stairs out of the building. Leaving Kurt in an empty SIOC. Alone.

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She walked home and the only thing on her mind was how Kurt's voice slightly cracked when he asked her if she was over him. She walked into her safe house and was inside for a grand total of three minutes before she heard a knock on the door.

"Kurt what are you doing here-"

"Jane I'm your coworker. Not just your coworker, I'm the lead agent on your case you can't tell me that- that you have feelings for me! What am I supposed to say to that Jane? I can't deal with this! "

He can't deal with this? They're my feelings. Wait did he just come over to yell at me?!

"This isn't my fault! I didn't just wake up one day and say 'Oh hey, this is a great day to fall in love with Kurt' like what the f*ck! "

"You- you're in love with me? "

F*ck.

"I need to go. "

"Fine then, leave! "

She slammed the door, sat on the couch, buried her head in her hands and cried. That lasted about thirty seconds before there was another knock at the door. She didn't even need to look through the peephole. She knew.

No words were spoken. She opened the door and looked up at Kurt. Then he grabbed her by the waist into a searing kiss. Jane backed them into the house and Kurt closed the door with his foot to not break the kiss.

They kissed for a few minutes and just before the tension became overwhelming, Jane broke the kiss, and rested her forehead against Kurt's.

"I have to say, I'm getting some pretty mixed signals from you." Jane was laughing and slightly crying at the same time. Kurt chuckled.

"I love you too, Jane. "

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