kalaleighann on Tumblr

6 months after our breakup, she messaged me. She said, “I know these winter days get you down, and they make you feel cold. Just remember that loving you, and being loved by you, will always be the warmest feeling I’ll ever have.”

//“I didn’t have the words to respond. Maybe I still couldn’t. So I just left her there, again, like I’ve always done. And she stuck around, like she has always done, for nothing.” (via theproblemswithmissingyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

yourhandwrittenletter

Sometimes your forever is someone else’s for now. You’ve been through this before, I know. I can see it in your eyes. It happens like this: you plan your life around a person who doesn’t even know what he’s doing next month or next week or for the next twenty minutes. And when it comes to wandering souls, even all the love in the world can’t make them stay. Or this: you give without being asked, handful after handful of yourself. He takes with big hands and hardly ever spends the night, but you blindly hope it will grow into something more. Something wonderful. It must, you think. It has to. But when his pockets are full and a new soul is calling, when the world tilts into clarity and he finds himself awake in the middle of the night, you’ll learn more thank your fair share about heartbreak. And I know, I know, it’s hard to try again. To give and plan and hope without worrying about the burn. It’s hard, yes, but it’s worth it. So worth it. Because one day, I promise, your forevers will align. My god, sad eyes. One day someone will teach you how to love again.

(via yourhandwrittenletter)

kalaleighann reblogged

500lettersforyou

“So,” he smiled, “tell me yours.” “My what?” She replied. “You know, your love story, tell me about the guy who made you obsessed with the idea that you’re better off alone.” She scoffed, “It wasn’t a love story. Far from that. Barely a story actually. There was fighting, ignorance, stubbornness, cancellations, toxicity, emotional torture, and let’s not forget the constant competition of who cared less. We just didn’t work and I know that killed him just as much as it hurt me but lord knows he was a hell of a lot better at hiding that than I was. We were actually crazy about each other, I know, hard to believe right? I mean, there were times I hated his guts and I swore to myself I would never talk to him again and I meant it too, at the time.. But it never lasted long, eventually we made up, apologised, fucked, you know.. The usual “make up” stuff. But it wasn’t along until the next fight, and I think it just got exhausting, you know.. To keep going round in circles. The routine got boring and there’s only so much pain you can put yourself through before you say enough is enough. And one day, enough was enough and we accepted it, we wasn’t supposed to be. Maybe in another lifetime but certainly not this one.“

Excerpt of a book I’ll never write (via 500lettersforyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

blackcoffee-speysidewhisky

You couldn’t look at me. I was right there, and you couldn’t look at me. Maybe it killed you to see that I could smile without you, that I could laugh with someone who wasn’t you. Maybe you finally realized that I could breathe and live, and that I didn’t need you after all. Because at some point I got tired of chasing, chasing someone who was never going to come around. I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though, I tried to get through to your heart - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You could’ve let me in, you should’ve let me in, you needed to let me in. But you made a decision, and your decision wasn’t me.

c.f. // “game over” (via flannelsandthecoffeebar)

kalaleighann reblogged

s-unberry

stargazerinmoksha

It’s coming up pretty soon. The day that it happened. I know he stole a lot of things from you. A piece of your mind and your peace of mind. You were never one to take pity well, so I don’t pity the situation or how it has affected you. I’m simply someone that you’d call a friend, I’m simply someone who writes. So I’ve been writing. It’s right around the corner and I don’t want you to feel alone. It should not be a day that you’ll deal with directly. Remember the days when screaming into your pillow worked? Remember when showers were only ten minutes and not an hour long to scrub where he last touched you? It has become routine, a chore of sorts… I can’t get into your head and give you another “it’s going to be okay” because you know the truth. It’s fucking not going to be okay. I won’t lie to you. A part of you have died since that day. A part of you will always be trapped in those hours of calling for help. I can’t imagine the torment and self-hate you’ve delivered to your body. So before someone condemns you. It wasn’t how you were dressed. You did not ask for it. Those are words that men say to make women take responsibility. The truth is we’re all sick in one way or another. There’s no end to the cycle unless we begin to see the whole picture. I can tell you that it wasn’t your fault, but you won’t believe me. I can tell you that it’ll go away one day, but we both know it’s another lie. You’re going to be haunted by this. I know it’s not the same, but pain… is it not a common thing we all share? How do you deal with pain? Well, hurting yourself is definitely an option, but it’s not a healthy one. Cutting yourself open to find the truth is not the answer. We all wear the same skin, but never the same heart. Some people have beautiful smiles with a nasty soul. Some people only look like humans. The demon’s laughter will be there right before your eyes close. It’s coming up pretty soon. What’d you call it? An anniversary? Darling, that’s not an anniversary. That’s the day you died. Pain is different for everyone, but pain is pain. I have dealt with mine by means of poetry and reinvention of who I am. You can’t escape the monsters in your head, there’s nothing more dangerous than the person you’ve become. You have to go through hell to make it to heaven sometimes. You have to die to truly live sometimes. I know that it’s unfair. I know that it’s fucked up. I know that it’s too much to ask, but you want to know how else I’ve been managing? By meeting people like you. You give a sense of relief. You give guidance. You give love. You give careful thoughts. You give a mother’s touch. I’m not perfect and neither are you, but that’s the truth about us! We wear it like armor. We shine it onto our swords. We breathe it into our lungs. We press it into our knuckles. We kill our struggles every night, but sometimes it kills us instead. I can’t go on most nights, but there’s always room for improvement. You’ve been through some shit, but my god, you’re still here. Sad eyes, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel. Karma, she will always make her rounds.

Karma (via everylittlepieceofyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

aboveethestarss

racksley

If she chooses you please, I beg of you, hold her hand when she’s nervous and when she isn’t, Never stop responding to her when you’re angry, talk it out because she will lose sleep wondering if things will be the same come morning and if they can be fixed,  Over time she will blame herself for the flaws in the relationship, Remind her you’re equally at fault but there will always be things that are out of your control, you’re stronger together. If she chooses you, please listen to her talk about soccer and the gym, She’s addicted to the competitiveness of games and to the rolling wave of a high she gets when she pushes her body, Take her to see her favorite team and cheer her on as much as she cheers the team on. If she chooses you, I ask that you show her every ounce of respect you have, She may come with a bite but she is gentle, She teases and taunts, but if you look at her eyes right before she looks away you’ll see she is afraid of losing something important, She takes herself more seriously than she lets anyone know, So be gentle with her. If she chooses you, wash her hair for her when she bathes and let her squeeze you firmly when she gets into bed next to you, she’ll loosen up when she realizes you aren’t going anywhere. If she chooses you, please pay attention to the little things, Like the way she pouts and curls in on herself getting silent, You don’t have to talk to her in those moments, just be there with her, She’ll love you for it. If she chooses you, plan adventures with her, Go hiking even if it’s too hot or too cold, and make sure you bring an extra jacket in case she gets cold, a blanket too, Take her to see the things you see beauty in, including herself in the mirror each morning. If she chooses you, fight for her when she’s stubborn and always wait for her with an open place next to you in your bed,  Don’t let somebody else lay in her spot, She belongs there. If she chooses you, cook for her on the days she spends resting, She exhilarates herself so much that she often forgets to take a break, Feed her and keep her company, Be there when she wakes. If she chooses you, understand how damn lucky you are, There is no competition greater than the one of capturing more than her heart, If she gives it all to you, please take care of it, Take care of her. If she chooses you, please choose her too.

ARH // If she chooses you (via racksley)

kalaleighann reblogged

letters-to-the-sea

And so I told him all about the times I fell in love. I told him about the time I first tasted cotton candy and how it was both so sweet and hot on my tongue, and how that’s exactly what my first love was like. I told him that once, on a hurricane warning, I went outside of our cellar and stood in the middle of all the chaos. I never knew until then that the prospect of death can make you feel so alive. When the wind was trying to whip my body like I weighed nothing it made me think of kissing the boy who broke my heart. And then I told him about sunsets by the beach five blocks from my childhood home, and how I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. If colors could pierce your soul it would be that gradient of pinks and purples and warm oranges. I told him how natural it felt to walk on sandy toes, the sea salt in the air, the flocks of birds that come swirling by the sky. I told him I wanted love that felt like that. Something calm, and peaceful, and something real. And afterwards, when all the breath rushed off of me as I unloaded these thoughts, I looked at him and waited…

he kissed my cheek and said, “I understand.” // Genefe Navilon (via letters-to-the-sea)

kalaleighann reblogged

letters-to-the-sea

theprocast

What I regret most is how you’ve seen me at my weakest, gentlest, most unguarded moments: half asleep at midnight, sheets wrapped around me and my hair softly spread on the pillow, pulse as steady as my breathing, all my walls down that you could put your arms around my waist without me flinching- where moments before I was awake enough to tell you my deepest, most secret thoughts, unabashedly candid, offering myself in fragile courage. You didn’t deserve those moments. You didn’t deserve my fingers running through your hair while I stirred you awake, my kisses like butterfly wings on your skin. You didn’t deserve my softness, my light, all the things you took, all the things you ruined. You didn’t deserve me at my most beautiful. Because you lied.

if I could take those 2ams back I would // Genefe Navilon (via theprocast)

Source: letters-to-the-sea

kalaleighann reblogged

wnq-writers

Nothing ever feels over until it hits you, and when it hits you, you feel it, hard. You feel the energy from its journey. You feel it whip right in front of you. You feel the rush. But the worst part about it hitting you, is when it doesn’t hit you. Or when it hits too late. And there are times when it hits you in slow motion, the journey is in slow motion, while you’re going on with your life. And it doesn’t hit you all at once. But you can feel it over time. For me it was both. Over time and all at once. I never thought it was possible until it happened to me. But when it happens and you realize it, it may be the best feeling or the worst feeling you’ve encountered. And I’m still figuring that out for myself.”

yungki4r4 (via wnq-writers)

Source: wnq-writers

kalaleighann reblogged

500lettersforyou

I was meant to be with him,” she said, “That’s one thing I do believe. I believe that we were right for each other at some point and that we were meant to be once upon a time. But in this cruel world of reality life changes before you even have time to blink and suddenly everything you had ever known is no longer familiar to you. I do believe that he was supposed to be my last love, the person that I would grow old with. But I also believe that I fell in love with him too soon, that my eyes landed on him before they were supposed to and perhaps we fucked everything up because we went against fate and met way before our time. It’s like we were so perfect for each other but the universe found ways to tear us apart. It’s like when you’re in the sea and you’re trying to catch the waves with your hands. You know.. When it’s right there in front of you but absolutely impossible to catch.

Excerpt of a book I’ll never write (via 500lettersforyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

ninasdrafts

“What do you think is worse,” she asked quietly, twisting her favourite bracelet around her wrist, “having your heart broken or breaking a heart?” Her friend glanced at her curiously but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. She couldn’t, not with the guilt that was clearly written across her face. “It depends, I guess,” he replied carefully. “Having your heart broken is awful, especially in the exact moment it happens. You feel as though your airways have been cut. You forget how to breathe. At first you feel too much and then you’re in denial and feel nothing at all, just emptiness. But it gets better. Sometimes within months, and sometimes it takes you years to move on. But eventually you’ll heal.” She looked up, biting the inside of her cheek. “And if you break a heart?” He hesitated, pointedly glancing at her wrist. “Well, you can’t break a heart and be careful about it. You can’t make it hurt any less, no matter how much you don’t want the person you love to be in pain. I’d say breaking someone’s heart scars you just as much as having your own heart broken.” When she didn’t say anything, he spoke again. “Are you about to break someone’s heart?” Slowly she took off her silver bracelet and placed it on the table. He recognised it now as it sparkled faintly in the bright light - it was the bracelet her boyfriend had given her on their first anniversary. “Yes,” she replied with tears in her eyes, touching the bare inside of her wrist, “I’m afraid I am.”

Excerpt n.j. (via ninasdrafts)

kalaleighann reblogged

s-unberry

brokenheartedordinarygirl

It’s been 5 months and I still talk about you like you’re here and you still love me.

(via brokenheartedordinarygirl)

kalaleighann reblogged

ninasdrafts

Do you still remember our first conversation? It was a warm summer night and the carnival lights turned your eyes from green to red to blue and I remember thinking “wow, I have never seen anything so precious” and was proven wrong when you smiled at me. At first, we were shy laughter and bad jokes. Being with you was like turning the light on and finally seeing for the first time, it was fresh paint against a blank canvas and constantly being on top of the world. We didn’t have much time to begin with and I knew your mind was set on leaving even before we met. And still, if somebody asked me today how I could let you walk out of my life I’ll reply that I honestly have no idea. Because maybe you would have stayed if I had been brave enough to ask you. If I had believed myself to be somebody worth staying for. But I didn’t, not at that time.

An excerpt I wish I had n.j. (via ninasdrafts)

kalaleighann reblogged

500lettersforyou

“You loved her?” She questioned him, He nodded, “So why did you guys end? Why did you leave her?” “Because,” he paused. “I don’t know. I wasn’t good for her, I hurt her, you know? I hurt her all the time and sometimes, sometimes.. I meant to, and I hated myself for it but I couldn’t stop. I loved when she stared at me with her big brown eyes that were glistening from the tears. She was so in love with me and I took advantage of it, I was toxic for her. But I loved her, I still do love her. I think a part of me always will. But she deserved so much more and when I left her, I swear the cracks in her heart were visible through her eyes. You could see the pain she was feeling just by looking at her face. But I guess sometimes, you have to hurt someone to help them.”

Excerpt of a book I’ll never write (via 500lettersforyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

aboveethestarss

Hey I know we don’t talk anymore but I hope you’re okay. I know I left but there are days where I miss your presence, there are days where I wish I could just message you and talk like we used to. There are days where I spend my entire night thinking and worrying about you. I wonder if you miss me too or if you pause for a second in your day and think about me. Do I ever cross your mind… and even if I did it doesn’t even matter because we don’t talk anymore, maybe that really gets to me sometimes because I wish we still did. The thing is I’m okay without you, you are no longer an important part of my life. I’m okay and I don’t shed a tear over you, but there’s a part of me deep down that still cares and that part brings me to my knees. I wish things didn’t have to be this way, but I guess you just have to let go of the things that are weighing you down and bringing unnecessary stress in your life. I pray for you, I pray that you’re okay as it’s the only thing that’ll truly help, and maybe one day our paths will cross again. Until then goodbye stranger with some memories.

Excerpt from a book I will never write #23 Jenseternity / instagram (via jenseternity)

kalaleighann reblogged

500lettersforyou

“There’s so many things I wanted to say to you,” she says, “I swore to myself that if I ever saw you again I’d tell you how you hurt me. I’d tell you all about the sleepless nights, the pillows full of tears, the drugs I took to help me forget the colour of your eyes. I went over and over and over how this moment was supposed to go. I was supposed to tell you how much you broke my heart and you was supposed to apologise, run your fingers through my hair and promise me we’d make it this time. He took a deep breath, “Perhaps something’s are just better left unsaid.”

Excerpts of a book I’ll never write (via 500lettersforyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

500lettersforyou

“If you care about someone you work things out, you don’t just leave.” She said, He pulled at his sleeves, “but somethings aren’t meant to work out, no matter how badly we want them to.” “But I love you?” “Maybe that’s just part of loving people. You have to give things up, and sometimes, you have to give them up.”

Excerpt of a book I’ll never write (via 500lettersforyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

500lettersforyou

I know you love me,” she said. “I know that, but that doesn’t override the fact that I’m not good enough for you. And I’m not mad, I’m not mad at all. I should be, but I’m not. I don’t feel anger, just pain, a lot of pain. You know, you think you can handle it.. You know it’s gonna hurt when it’s over and you think you’re prepared for it but I swear to god nothing prepares you for just how much your heart aches in their absence and how you can’t sleep because your brain won’t turn off, instead you’re kept awake doing nothing but thinking of the colour of their eyes. You think you can cope, but the cold hard truth is, you’re wrong. You fall apart and there’s nothing you can do to stop that.

Excerpt of a book I’ll never write (via 500lettersforyou)

kalaleighann reblogged

blackcoffee-speysidewhisky

“You know one day, one day they just stop,” and she let out a little sigh, “every word you ever said, everything you ever did - doesn’t mean a damn thing anymore, to him at least.” Her eyes wandered while her fingers fiddled with her earring, she did that to distract herself, trying to keep busy, “you know I bent myself backwards for that boy - I did everything for him, everything; I was fucking there every single time,” her voice broke, she broke, “I think at one point you just get tired of trying, making everyone else who comes after him, not even worth giving a second thought about. That’s the sad part though - how in one day every little thing that you ever did, means nothing. But the worst part,” and she let out a little chuckle, “the worst part is I can’t even do anything about it - this world expects me to take it as it is, wake up the next morning with a smile on my face and pretend that it’s all okay.”

c.f. // “the power of him” (via flannelsandthecoffeebar)

kalaleighann reblogged

blackcoffee-speysidewhisky

And so I went back to that spot, with the fence and the grass, the flowers blooming out of the wall, those paw prints on the ground, and that water fountain that took you years to get to. Sat on the pavement where you told me you picked me - you said it was me, and not her or the other her because I was the one who could finally turn your dreams into a reality. But you see this time it was just me. Here on the pavement with the flowers blooming out of the wall, staring at that water fountain that always took you years to get to and you were nowhere to be found. I ran everything through my head again, all those nights and all those words. I tried so hard to figure it all out, see where it all went wrong because I never understood why you did it. This is all I could come up with, maybe your dreams were your nightmares after all.

c.f. // “since you left, I’ve been a mess” (via flannelsandthecoffeebar)