I think the fuck not

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular. 

But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’

So this isn’t lesbian/jock solidarity but I thought you guys would want to know-

My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”

And deadass, dudebro said “Hang on” and then proceeded to pull a fucking wrench out of his backpack

Update- after school today he saw me in the library and he didn’t say anything? He just pointed at the book he was holding and I gave him a thumbs up because it’s a pretty good book, and he went “Yes!” Really quiet and pumped his fist and then left

Okay so today he asked me if I know how to help people having a panic attack and I was like yeah? And he smiled at me and then went “cool I think I’m having one”

And I was like what the fuck Colin we’re in the middle of Tech class sit down and we went out in the hall and sat there for a while and he told me about the test he’s stressed about so we kind of went over his study guide and when he was feeling better he kind of like… smacked his head against mine gently? And I helped him up even though he’s almost a foot taller than me and yeah

Today at lunch we walked to the football field and laid in the grass and I told him thank you for being my friend (because I don’t have that many) and fistbumped me and said, “You always looked so nice and chill, how could I not want to be your friend?”

And honestly y’all, I would’ve started crying if he hadn’t sneezed and accidentally smacked me

Uh oh! Baby Boy is on Tumblr! I’m John Mulaney and this is my first post. I am silly but also a guys’ guy. This is my best photo.

I cant believe this is actually john mulaney and not a parody blog created for the sole purpose of making this shitpost

Do you ever think about that freaky little fish dude that evolved to have arm fins that allowed it to avoid predators in the ocean by literally removing itself from the situation and going to shallow water and/or land and that’s the thing all land animals are related to because I sure do

Say hi to great grandpa

Please… Please tell me… This was scripted…

Can someone transcript this?

@queer-anna

Middle-aged white man in a grey button-down with black glasses speaking in front of a classroom of older teenagers: Hey, guys, listen up, I just wanna take a second to address because I know there have been some complaints with the pronoun issues and I just want you guys to know that I’m working on it. I respect all of you and your lifestyle choices, and in fact, last weekend I even went to the district’s mandated Gender-Bread Man Training.

(Flips slideshow to a picture of the gender-bread person)

Male-presenting student, loudly with their hands cupped around their mouth: It’s a Gender-Bread Person.

Man, shouting: WHATEVER! WHATEVER! I went to the training, okay?! All I’m asking in return from you guys is for you to stop calling me a boomer! I’M NOT A BABY BOOMER, YOU GUYS! I’m NOT A BOOMER!

The class, in unison: Okay, Boomer.

thanks!!

just to add some background, the tiktok is from the teacher’s account, he’s making fun of boomers who are actually like this, please don’t attack him for letting his students have fun at his expense

being a guy in love with a guy is not always cute or romantic or soft or tender. sometimes it's pushing your boyfriend's face away yelling because you have viral bronchitis and he keeps trying to kiss you knowing this because he's a himbo with no sense of self preservation

update: he got bronchitis! you'll never guess how

SLUR?????

My man said "boomer" with the hard "R".

Sup, my Booma

nobody does panic like chandler bing (source)

(i’m so sorry in advance but come on how could i NOT stevetony this)

So it’s breakfast in Avengers Tower, and everyone’s caught up in their own thing- Bruce is arguing halfheartedly with Tony about their latest potentially lethal science experiment, Natasha is sipping her tea with one of her feet over Clint’s lap, Thor is paying attention to no-one but his beloved cereal, and Steve is finishing up with his scrambled eggs.

Steve has to go into SHIELD, and he’s kind of rushed his way through breakfast, scarfing it down tiredly. He puts his dishes in the sink and says, “Okay, bye guys,” and gets several weary grunts in return.

He hasn’t had enough sleep, the coffee hasn’t hit his system yet, and he’s thinking about paperwork, so he’s on autopilot when he pads to Tony’s side, bends down and kisses him goodbye.

For a second it’s fine, it’s normal, they’ve kissed a hundred times over and Tony goes with it with a pleased hum before turning back to Bruce, who is staring, and then it hits him.

Steve is already freezing in place by the time Tony whirls around in his seat with almost comically wide eyes, and a glance around confirms that yes, everyone is indeed staring at them. Thor has his spoon halfway to his mouth, milk dripping back into the bowl as Steve’s brain goes into hyperdrive.

Steve thinks, shit, which he supposes is a sensible thing to think after you’ve just kissed the man who has been your secret boyfriend for the past three months.

Mostly out of the voice in his head chanting shitshitshit, he goes into parade rest.

Tony is still staring at him along with everyone else, and Steve has this moment of absurd calm through the panic as he straightens up. He’s fought Nazis. He’s decapitated vampires. He’s saved the world twelve times now.

Steve Rogers is a master tactician who, despite what people may think, can lie his way through things as good as the next guy. He can do this.

All eyes still on him, Steve bends again. “Bruce,” he says in the same tone he had said ‘bye’ before, and then kisses him full on the mouth, closing his eyes out of politeness. He thinks he hears a squeak from beside him, like Tony’s trying not to choke.

Steve doesn’t look at him lest he starts hyperventilating, and keeps a straight face that he usually associates with blind panic as he bends again to kiss Thor, who, unlike Bruce, actually kisses back. It’s okay, a bit too bristly for Steve’s taste.

“Good to have you back,” Steve says as he pulls away.

Complete silence reigns as Steve makes his way around the table- “Clint,” another kiss to a face who obviously thinks this is a weird dream, and then Steve hesitates before saying, “Tasha,” and kissing her on the forehead, which he considers a very wise choice. The last thing he needs is to show up to work with three stab marks from where she shoved a knife into his hand.

“Always a pleasure,” he intones before stepping back, nodding to them all, and leaving.

If it weren’t for his super hearing, he probably wouldn’t be able to hear Clint say, “Okay, what the FUCK,” when he makes it halfway down the hall.

IM CACKLING SO FUCKING HARD

Strap yourself in.

So, imagine Tony and Bruce being professors at some university, and two new professors get transferred in at around similar times- professor Rogers and Professor Odinson.

Now Bruce has to deal with Tony barging in his classroom at every break to complain about how rudely hot the new art professer is. While Bruce just nods and stares out his window, because he’s got a good view of the history and mythology building where Thor is working.

And then the university takes a trip to this art museum, with a lot of different mythologies as it’s themes- so of course Steve and Thor are running the trip.

And Tony, hearing this, signs himself and Bruce up to also help run the trip.

“Tony we now nothing about art”

“Bruce we need to make them fall in love wit us”

Meanwhile Thor and Steve are panicking around the hot science, and engineering professor and are spouting so much bullshit about art and history in attempts to impress them, and buying them coffee and just being adorable awkward shits.

The students are shipping it so hard.

i hate each one of these kids individually and in alphabetical order.

Gen X are doing it too bitches. 

How is that terrifying though 😆 fuck god and the eagle he flew in on

it’s terrifying to people who think you can’t be a moral, socially conscious person who does good deeds without being threatened with an eternal barbequing of your nads.

THIS. 

dark stans. it's fucking november 4th 2019.

i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm

>go to Draculas castle

>he has a humidifier

>pour two liter of holy water into it

>leave

Everyone, do not do this! Your local Dracula probably isn’t hurting you, and helps manage the area’s wolf and rat populations! In fact, most Draculas never leave their castles for more than an hour or two a night unless disturbed by humans. The FEW recent cases of Dracula attacks have all been proven to have been the result of a stressed Dracula mistaking clumsy hikers for its natural enemy, the werewolf. After overhunting by millennials in the 2000s, there are fewer than a thousand Draculas left in the wild today! Please stop spreading misinformation about an endangered species crucial to the ecosystem :(

Ok look I get where you’re coming from and here’s the thing: Draculas are crucial to their ecosystem. None of the information you’ve provided is accurate to North America, where Draculas are an extremely invasive species. I don’t get where you’re getting the “less than a thousand left” figure, unless you’re citing an out of date study from 2006. Their numbers are still worryingly low in Eastern Europe, but they’re not currently in danger of extinction.

You know what species is? Chupacabras.

The local chupacabra populations in North America are dwindling dangerously due to predation from Draculas. We can protect both species in their own natural habitats, but not in each other’s. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and the Mexican Secretaría de Medio Ambiente y Recursos Naturales both encourage the trapping of Draculas. Now, there are humane ways to do it, and you can look into them on your own time, but if you see a Dracula in North America, it is not supposed to be there.

This could all be avoided if people spayed and neutered their pet Draculas and stopped letting them free roam. Draculas don’t “need” to free roam, they do great on harnesses and enclosed pens, and free roaming opens them up to dangers from other predators and vehicle strikes, not to mention parasites, disease, fights with other Draculas and abuse from shady humans who take pot shots at them with crossbows.

For their sake and wildlife sake, keep your Dracula indoors.

a lot of TERFs speak like they’re giving a speech in a movie. One time one of them referred to me & my “brethren”, which they then had to clarify meant trans people and their supporters. I still think about that and laugh sometimes. “you and your brethren” fedgyejgfjhdgsjhksa like what are we, viking warriors?

reblog if you are a viking for trans rights

Passing all your classes one day, missing a single day of class and start failing all of school