I snort coffee grounds.

human instincts

op i wish only the most wonderful things in your life.

An absolute madlad

at 3:00 AM

nooo don’t express serious emotions you’ve been designated “the funny one” aha

nooo don’t exist in a way that contradicts the one-dimensional version of you I’ve created in my head you’re so convenient aha

You guys like to invest in these low effort edits via /r/MemeEconomy https://ift.tt/323iMKL

go through things. grow through things.

The problem with having lesbian moms is you try to be super cool and cut all your hair off and buy a leather jacket and wear boots all the time and then you go to some event in your neighborhood and all these women three times your age start cooing “oh you look JUST like your mother when she was your age, my gosh what a blast from the past, oh I just love your hair”

And let me be very clear, okay: I’ve seen pictures of my mom when she was my age, and she looked cooler than I ever will. My mom had exactly my fashion sense except she was two point five degrees butcher and habitually took over government buildings. My other mom was about six degrees butcher than that, and SHE had a motorcycle. Both of them have been charged with felony arson. I’m the prep member of my family and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Please tell me at some point in your life some dick was like “we’re calling your parents over your behavior” only to have a bigger, more badass version of you come strolling in

Look obviously that happened many many times, usually with misogynist or ableist teachers. But I have a BETTER story than that, which is that when I was in 3rd grade, I went to this tiny alternative hippy school—it was a regular public school, it was just small and staffed/run by hippie communists—and my 3rd grade teacher was a woman who had been in an organization with my mother, and they had done direct action together more than a few times. We’ll call her D. One day I was sitting in D’s class, eight years old and bored out of my mind, and I scratched my name into the back of my plastic chair with a rock. Was this reasonable behavior? No. Why did I do it? Only the gods can say. I don’t actually remember doing the scratching, I just remember looking at the rock in my hand and my name on the chair and going, “HUH. That’s not good.”  So obviously I got caught, bc I couldn’t reasonably convince anyone that I wasn’t the one who had done it, since it was MY NAME, and as punishment for this act of arbitrary vandalism I was sentenced to recess detention for two weeks. It was October so this included Halloween. Halloween, to be clear, is a high holy day in San Francisco, and I was devastated to miss the informal festivities that would be occurring at recess that day, and I wept and wailed about this at home for some time until my mother decided that this was disproportionate punishment and took it into her own hands to do something about it.   So my mom walks into D’s office on a day when my mother does not have to be at work at a scheduled time, but D has to get her students from the yard in about ten minutes, and my mom sits down and says to her old friend and comrade, “Miranda is really upset about having detention on Halloween.” And D explains to my mother why the detention was issued, what the circumstances were, and my mother nods, and listens, and doesn’t argue, and doesn’t show any sign of getting up from her chair. And just says again “She’s really upset about having detention on Halloween.”  And D looks at my mother, and she looks at the clock in her office, which is telling her that she has to be on the yard in 2 minutes now, and then looks at my mother again, who shows no sign of having anywhere to be, my mother with whom D has organized and successfully executed multiple sit-ins and takeovers of government & corporate offices, and D says, “Okay, she doesn’t have to have detention on Halloween.”

Tell your moms that we love them.

You can express your love by donating to their organization, Prison Radio, which works relentlessly on a shoestring budget to amplify the voices of incarcerated people in the United States!

https://donate.prisonradio.org

An important update!

the fuck is a resume bitch give me the job

Ain’t that the vampire baby from Twilight?

This is funnier than any joke told by 90 percent of the comedians out there

This is quite possibly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me

0-4 notes - your post sucks

5-29,999 notes - your post is good

30,000+ notes - your post sucks

this post is good

By god we’re gonna make this post suck shit

this post sucks

autumn blues

angeles national forest, california

instagram

We’ll have to do dinner Thursday night instead.

Yahoo deletes my porn but leaves me this.

requested by wigcraft

THIS IS HALLOWEEN! THIS IS HALLOWEEN!

The original tweet is in response to a tweet about Ellen Maud who sought out medical help and was routinely told to just lose weight. She later died of cancer.

This is something I cannot advocate for enough

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Twitter screenshot

Username: it’s all ephemera @rhymeswithvery

When a doctor dismisses my symptoms, I say I want it noted in my chart – while I wait – that *they’ve chosen* not to run any tests. They then run tests. I recommend this approach to anyone facing discrimination instead of diagnostics. (I have 2 autoimmune disorders.)

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