i don‘t know how much there is left of me before i disappear completely

— Ernest Hemingway

Isn’t it sad that my only purpose in life is for others to use me?

And I’m not talking about the kind of use that you offer to people like “talk to me when you need me”. No, thats totally okay because you gave them permission to use you when they feel the need to.

I’m talking about the kind of use that you never offered, the kind of use that happens when people reach you only when they’re bored, the kind of use that happens when people get in touch with you because they got nothing better to do or the kind of use that happens when they want something from you.

Isn’t that a toy’s purpose? I mean when we were kids we used to buy toys and we used them on our free time, when we had nothing better to do or when we simply wanted to be entertained by them.

The only difference between me and a toy, is that you pay for a toy to use it.

I’m being used for free, my life is worth less than a toy

I’m a hypocrite

I’m a hypocrite for telling people not to harm themselves while my self destruction habbits have reached a warning point

I’m a hypocrite for encouraging people to stay alive and live for another day while I don’t know whether or not I’ll wake up tomorrow

I’m a hypocrite for telling people to keep hoping for things to change while I’ve given up and lost hope

I’m a hypocrite for pushing everyone away and isolating myself from people while I desperately crave for company

I’m a hypocrite for telling people I’m fine while I’m feeling numb and my feelings are dead

I’m a hypocrite for showing everyone that nothing bothers me or hurts me while I’m sitting and overthinking about every single little thing that made me feel like shit

I’m a hypocrite for so many reasons but thats just me

— (via killed-long-ago)

— (via killed-long-ago)

— (via killed-long-ago)

jpgmami