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michelle

@justwannafeelyour-lips-blog

Can I be your moon ?
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mylyannasnow
You once asked me if I thought I could conquer the world, when I said yes you looked at me like I just said I had walked on Mars. “But you’re a woman” you said, a moment of silence passed between us and your gaze said what you didn’t want to: “You’re too weak!” and I wanted to scream NO, Because men always forget that while they play at war women live in it. When we were 10 and you played with your friends, nerf guns and water guns, good guys and bad, I was beginning to notice the looks men gave me, assessing me like I was property. When we were 16 and you played at war on your phone or your computer, learning how to kill in the new game you downloaded, I was learning how not to get killed in the streets of our town, I already knew not to walk alone at night, I already knew to always carry pepper spray with me, I already knew to walk head down drawing as little attention to me as possible, I was learning how to protect myself, were to hit so my attacker would let me go, how to run as fast as I can so he wouldn’t catch me. When we were 21, you partied hard with your buddies, talking about the last girl you fucked, drinking beer after beer until you passed out, and even then your friends didn’t worry about you, the worst thing you could wake up to was a hangover. Meanwhile I was sitting there, at the same party watching, making sure I was the only person to touch my drink, making sure my friends were safe, and when I finally go home (change my heels with flats, go to my car, lock the door as soon as I get in, leave immediately, make sure no one is following me, run up the stairs to my apartment and lock the door behind me) I stay up until my friend, who decided to stay a little longer, texts me she’s home safe (and if she doesn’t, if she forgets, I do, because if she’s passed out somewhere, she’ll be considered lucky if a hangover is the only thing she wakes up to). You think you can take over the world and I can’t? All your life you played at war, and all my life I’ve lived in one. You made fake decisions, while mine were real ones, ones with consequences (like the time I decided to enter the elevator with some man despite the fact that my gut was telling me not to, when he asked for a kiss I started kicking him, I didn’t stop until we reached the floor and he run. I reported. He was never caught) You killed fake people in games, while I was taught to kill real people, people who wanted to hurt me…If I had too. When you’re a woman in this world you’re taught that one day it may come to this. Kill or suffer. What makes you think I’m too weak to conquer the world?

The world is mine, as much as it is yours. (via mylyannasnow)

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