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que será, será

@justt-listenn

But nothing beautiful would ever grow, if it wasn't washed with rain. - e.h
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And I’ll let you go as the tears leave my eyes and the pink rays color the skies. As the days become shorter and my dreams become longer. I’ve loved you in every season and my heart knows it, my body knows it, the trees know it. They watched me stare blankly at their silhouettes against the blue. I loved you in every way I could and I didn’t make it stop this time. I sat with my feelings like an old friend. Our weight indented in leather couches and our laughter heard far away. I’m letting you go only because I meant every word and I risked being judged, I risked looking crazy, to love you anyway. To hold the weight of you anyway because feelings don’t walk out because you ask them to. Your guest leaves when it’s time. And it leaves you different because there’s no option to go back to who you were. I understand grief better now and I understand that we only exchange blessings and time is the currency.

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lotusmi

Freedom Technique: Path to Awareness and Love with Autobiography by Lester Levenson (Spilny, Yuri)'s book Hi. Wanted to share this with you

''WANT is a paradox. To obtain something, it is important to WANT it. However, WANT means lack of what you want. The more you WANT something, the more you affirm the lack of it. It is better not to WANT but to allow whatever you need to come to you. Otherwise WANT will sabotage you, becoming a block, a barrier. (...) And you know that WANT harbors fear and other negativity. It is better to substitute WANT with ALLOWING. Created by Lester, the process of Releasing, consists of five steps: 1.  Become aware of the emotion and lovingly accept it. 2.  Feel the emotion somewhere in the body.  Anger for example is often felt in the pit of the stomach or in the chest.  Find that spot and feel your anger there. It won’t take too long before you notice that the more you concentrate on your anger, the weaker it becomes.  This happens, because instead of “feeding” it with your energy, you are withdrawing the energy by calmly witnessing your emotion. 3.  Identify the emotion as Wanting Approval (WA) or Wanting Control (WC). 4.  Relax into the emotion. 5.  Release the emotion.  As you keep your attention on it, let it go by asking - Could I let it go?         Yes! - Would I let it go?        Yes! - When?                         Now! Inhale, while asking the last question.  Then open an imaginary window in the spot where you feel the emotion, and with exhalation, let the energy flow freely out of that window, while saying “Now!” Imagine bluish, almost transparent energy flowing out. A feeling or emotion is nothing but energy; it is neither “bad” nor “good.”  We give it different names in order to relate it to different mental states.  The energy flows out… It is gone!  Still, ask yourself: And More? …  Answer: Yes!  And let more of it to flow out… And More? …   Yes!  And let even more of it out… And even More? … Yes!  Let more of it out… And even More? … Yes!  Let more of it out… And even More? … Yea!  Let more of it out… Try to feel the feeling again.  Imagine situation that made you feel angry.  It would help you to locate more anger within you. Keep repeating the process until you find yourself out of AGFLAP and in CAP (Courageousness Acceptance and Peace).  It is important to continue releasing until you are at peace.  It may take time, but time thus spent is ten times worth the effort. You will find that nothing is more rewarding than your state of peace. There should be no thinking or analyzing.  You must say “yes” regardless of how you feel about it.

Lester underlined that releasing will be more effective when we are in the state of either Courageousness, Acceptance or Peace. The entire process of releasing must be always done lovingly. Therefore, before starting the releasing bring yourself into one of the states of CAP with loving attitude. It is easily done when you imagine the end result of a particular releasing: wonderful relationship, money in your account, new house, whatever you are releasing on. Remember to start with accepting and loving yourself unconditionally.

The state of loving peace is the only appropriate state to be in.  If you’re not peaceful, find out what is it within you that deprives you of peace and let it go. When we have no Resistance, no Fear and no Wants, when we don’t wish to change anything but accept everything the way it is, we are free.

Let us start with letting go of whatever we are feeling right now and move into Courageousness, Acceptance and Peace. We begin with Courageousness. It’s a wonderful place, where we are willing to do whatever it takes, no matter what: a place of absolute willingness to do anything. We are adventurous, alive, powerful, self-sufficient and secure. We have a vast vision. We have been here before in this wonderful place and can access it from our past memory, when we were in trouble. We are here right now. On the scale of action, Lester says, ‘Courageousness is a willingness to go into action without fear, to give, to correct, to change whatever needs it, the willingness to let go, to move on.’ It is a very distinct state. Notice how you are immediately becoming more aware, as you move into this state. And from here, let’s move into Acceptance. Just a shift, a different way of a being expressing itself: Acceptance. Get the feeling: everything is OK just the way it is. On the scale of action, Lester says, ‘No need to change anything. No judgment of good or bad. It just is… It is beautiful just as it is, and it’s OK just the way it is. It is wonderful out there… I am enjoying everything just as it is. So take a look, wherever you are, sitting, driving, whatever it is that you’re doing. Can you allow it to be beautiful just as it is? Can you allow yourself to enjoy your surroundings, which includes your body, just as it is? Can you love your body just as it is? The room you are in, just as it is? The city you are in, just as it is? And will it be OK with you to make the decision, and it is just a decision, to feel about wherever you are in life, being just beautiful? Well, the mind may check on this and that, and yet, it is all Awareness, Beingness, and it is always beautiful. Other words Lester used to describe this: fullness, gentle, glowing, gracious, harmonious. And again, notice where you are right now. What it feels like. Be aware. Contrast it to the state of Courageousness… There is a cool air about this state of Acceptance. When you notice the differences between the two states it will allow you to access this state of Awareness more freely. From this place of Acceptance, where everything is OK the way it is, allow yourself to move to a state of Peace. On a scale of action, Lester describes it as I am, I am whole, complete, totally into my Self. Everyone and everything is part of my Self. It’s all perfect. Whatever you’re now feeling, whatever you’re experiencing… can you let it go and let it be even more perfect? Would it be OK with you, if you dissolve the boundaries, whatever they are: boundary of your body, your house, your car, your property, boundary of your country... Can you dissolve these boundaries, and allow everything to be seen as your Self, your own Beingness, Awareness.  Immediately, everything becomes quiet, even more serene, more still. Would it be OK with you if you live in peace every day, all day? Would it be OK with you, if everyone you’ve met will be radiantly peaceful beings, a part of you, of your own Self? If everyone is seen in total serenity, total peace, the world is automatically becoming peaceful and serene. Other words to describe this: stillness, kindness, tranquility, unlimited, whole.

And check to see if our friend the mind has been active lately, trying to figure things out. Can you let go of trying to figure it out? Mind always has a list of favorite things it is trying to figure out. Could you let that process go and allow yourself just be and rest in Awareness? Let us ask the mind if it knows the solution of whatever you’re trying to figure out. Of course it doesn’t. It is one of the most pointless exercises in our lives, to keep asking the mind for an answer, when it doesn’t have an answer. And when we do this, it comes back at us with a judgment. It says, ‘beat yourself up! Is there something wrong with you? There we go again: asking me about something I don’t know!’ Is that helping us to get the solution? What it does… it keeps us on the surface of our mind: all that asking, beating ourselves up. So now we have a decision to make. Are we going to keep being negative, beating ourselves up, standing on the surface of our mind? Or, do we want to let that go and move into productivity, quietness and deepness? Of course, we want to be quieter and deeper.

From this state of wholeness look at your life and see if there is any part that you’re resisting. Anything in your life that frustrates you, irritates you that you try to exclude from your wholeness? See if there is any question, any sensation about that. And just instantly let that energy go. Let it go some more…, and more… And will it be OK with you, if you reclaim that part of your life in terms of yourself? We are responsible for our pictures: everything that we picture is part of ourselves. Would it be OK with you if you make a decision? Irrevocable decision that says I am going for freedom, no matter what. Why not?

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Like this head has to be strapped on so tight to survive. I think that it’s actually too easy for me to believe in limerence as a root of all evil. I think that comfortable seems really good when you’ve got the option.

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My sister always told me to stop acting like the world revolves around me. I never really understood what she meant. Did she mean to take things less personal? Or did she mean to get some perspective? I probably could’ve used some perspective growing up. If having perspective meant that I’d stop trying to save everyone like it’s my job. If having perspective meant that I could tell people what I want then I think I’d be somewhere really different. Maybe that’s selfish to admit. Maybe that’s vain, just like she said. But I think I always tried to put them first, with the little heart I had. I’m still trying. And maybe that’s what she meant. Maybe it was that other people can be okay without me saving their feelings. For god sakes, I’m no expert. I just hate to see people sad. I’m going to a funeral for a man that really hurt me and I’m worried that I’m showing too much skin, just like he said. But wouldn’t want to upset my family. But if I were my own sister I think that I’d tell me that I’m allowed to be mad.

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And it’s like do it scared or whatever. I get that. But some things are really life changing and if you know it will change your life right away, well that’s really scary. There’s no option to call uncle in life. Or is that the giving it to God option? I must have asked for this in some way. All I know is that every day I spend thinking about what I’m going to do is agony. Hence, giving it to God. But I guess I forget that I decided to do nothing. The ball is just going to sit in my court until the buzzer runs out I guess. That seems awful, but it’s better than the alternatives I think. I’m a really good problem solver, usually. But I’m too scared to solve this one.

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I really don’t appreciate when the ball is in my court.

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liquidlightandrunningtrees
Romantic obsession is my first language. I live in a world of fantasies, infatuation and love poems. Sometimes I wonder if the yearning I’ve felt for others was more of a yearning for yearning itself. I’ve pined insatiably and repeatedly: for strangers, new lovers, unrequited flames. While the subjects changed, that feeling always remained. Perhaps, then, I have not been so infatuated with the people themselves, but with the act of longing.

Melissa Broder, Life without Longing

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thoughtkick
“Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just… start.”

— Ijeoma Umebinyuo

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I guess I’m doing my best and it has to be enough.

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I’m trying out the phrase, “give it to God”.

By trying it out I mean that I desperately needed to not feel responsible for everything that happens for a moment. Just for a moment, I’m not in charge. Thanks.

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I’d like to cry but preferably not in public or on the way to work. Just a really good middle of the night cry would work. I think that’d be nice. I cry little bits all day but I need a great big one.