The hoes are unimpressed with your sarcastic detachment, and are enchanted with my sincere wonder. Writhe like the worm you are.
an underrated detail in pride and prejudice is that elizabeth bennett was home alone on the day darcy proposed because she had a headache. can you imagine. this was in the pre-painkillers era. you're at home with a headache and then this asshole walks into the room and tells you he loves you and wants to marry you even though he hates your whole family and you're beneath him. imagine having to deal with that while also having a headache. she doesn't even have ibuprofen
My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."
and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"
my toxic xennial trait is that i believe something should either be software (in which case after i download it i shouldn't need to be connected to use it) or a web page (which shouldn't require me to download anything to use it, however badly, in a browser). fuck your mandatory single function constant connection apps
You’re so right. Say more
when a mutual posts a poll you know nothing about, but they say "orangutan johnson my beloved, orangutan johnson sweep!!!!" you vote for orangutan johhnson. it's called loyalty.
Fully losing it at this facebook screenshot. 22 inches of green and 1.5 of carrot.
sorry I made a boomer meme. at least it's relatable
Sorry to everyone who’s enjoyed the last 130 years of science and culture journalism, but Disney needs the money to fund Toy Story 9
"birds aren't dinosaurs" ❌ wrong, misinformed, way too common
"all vertebrates evolved from fish, and are therefore technically fish" ✅ mischievous, technically true if you look at it from the right angle, demonstrates how cladistics work
"whales are fish but not for the reason you might think" 😈 this is funny to me specifically
Whales technically being fish is the funniest about face evolution has given us
there's no such thing as a fish, but all mammals are fish, and whales are fish because they're mammals
IM A FISH??
once the magic spell starts taking place, then yes
Oh god…..I can already feel the spell taking effect……………………………………..I can…………………feel the fish flowing through me………………………………….
O-Oh god…………………what is…………………happening to me……………….?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FFFUUUCCCCKKKKK IT HURTS SO BAD AAAAAAAAAA MAKE IT STOP OH GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY AAAAAAAAAAAAA
That's not the kind of fish you are ;)
Try this on instead, it might fit better:
when gerard way sings "the broken, the beaten, and the damned" and when kermit the frog sings "the lovers, the dreamers, and me" they're talking about the same people btw
the fact that a river ends at the mouth implies that the source is the anus, and a river flows from anus to mouth
not for this one I don't think so
??????
having to ask people if you’re still hanging out is one of the worst things ever . like is our playdate still on? im gonna stab myself
So, how's everybody's executive function today?