JODIE COMER at the 2019 Emmy Awards for Variety 

Why are Lesbians like this ? .Do they take pleasure in attacking everything sacred ? .Or just love sexualizing those that take vows of Chastity ? .

.... Nunneries, specially during the renaissance were a safe heaven for a lot of lesbians or women who didn't want to marry... So this is a historically based joke you dumb bitch

Oh

Shout out to chubby women just because.

Since once in a blue moon I actually discover a decent rule for adulting, and since I know I have followers a few years younger than me who are just entering the workforce, I want to tell you about a very important phrase. 

“I won’t be available.”

Imagine you’re at work and your boss asks you to come in on Saturday. Saturday is usually your day off–coming in Saturdays is not an obligation to keep your job. Maybe you were going to watch a movie with a friend, or maybe you were just going to lie in bed and eat ice cream for eight hours, but either way you really, really don’t want to give up your day off.

If you consider yourself a millennial you’ve probably been raised to believe you need to justify not being constantly at work. And if you’re a gen-Z kid you’re likely getting the same toxic messages that we did. So in a situation like that, you might be inclined to do one of three things:

The fact is, it doesn’t matter to your boss whether you’re having open heart surgery or watching anime in your underwear on Saturday. The only thing that affects them is the fact that you won’t be at work. So telling them why you won’t be at work only gives them reason to try and pressure you to come in anyway.

If you say “I won’t be available,” giving no further information, you’d be surprised how often that’s enough. Be polite and sympathetic in your tone, maybe even say “sorry, but I won’t be available.” But don’t make an excuse. If your boss is a professional individual, they’ll accept that as a ‘no’ and try to find someone else. 

But bosses aren’t always professional. Sometimes they’re whiny little tyrants. So, what if they pressure you further? The answer is–politely and sympathetically give them no further information.

“Are you sure you’re not available?” “Sorry, but yes.”

“Why won’t you be available?” “I have a prior commitment.” (Which you do, even if it’s only to yourself.)

“What’s your prior commitment?” “Sorry, but that’s kind of personal.”

“Can you reschedule it?” “I’m afraid not. Maybe someone else can come in?”

If you don’t give them anything to work with, they can’t pressure you into going beyond your obligations as an employee. And when they realize that, they’ll also realize they have to find someone else to come in and move on.

and it’s always better to set your limits early, because they’ll be much more irritating if they get used to taking more than they should of you

"x isn't trans, they're nonbinary!"

Do boys even get crushes on girls do boys even like girls do boys even feel things 

Me: *wiping down a mirror in a bathroom at work*

Old woman: CRAZY isn’t it?

Me: I’m sorry?

Old woman: with COVID, having to sanitize EVERYTHING

Me: .... ma’am did you think before COVID these bathrooms cleaned themselves or... I have always had to wipe down the mirrors that’s why they aren’t filthy

It’s amazing how people genuinely think there wasn’t cleaning before COVID every time I see it I’m like “did you not wash your hands before...?”

legitimately asked someone “do you think that basic cleaning and sanitation just... invented itself specifically for covid? or have you never cleaned anything before now?” because they were complaining about having to wash their food and packages like ma’am please tell me you haven’t just been living as a gross little plague rat this whole time

vine tarot

by ‘holly sweet’ on redbubble

five feet apart cus theyre not gay

oh my god they were roommates 

i wont hesitate, bitch

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU

its wednesday my dudes

(no associated catchphrase)

a potato flew around my room

i have the power of god AND anime on my side

MY POOP IS COMING

~got a red dress on tonight, dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight~

(no associated catchphrase)

(’take on me’ opening notes)

(no associated catchphrase)

Height Difference™

when will modern directors be bold enough to give us a fight seen choreographed to tained love

sometimes i feel i’ve got to

[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]

RUN AWAY

Atomic Blonde? Did they do that, I can’t remember, but there are lots of fight scenes and theyre to an 80 90s soundtrack

this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it 

There are so many things that are TOP quality about this. The business with the mic rope. The bounding across the stage like an excited puppy or a newsie. The Voice™️ that is so synonymous with John, you know, the voice of a guy who sells ice cream at the soda fountain in the 50’s. The analogy itself.

It’s all so beautiful, such peak humor and content.

Emmy Award Winning™️

I FOUND IT AGAIN.

Here’s the “horse loose in a hospital” bit. Good news, it has closed captioning.

“I DONT REMEMBER THAT IN HAMILTON.” OMG

God I’ve heard so much about this guy and this is my first time actually watching one of his bits. He’s as funny as y’all make him out to be tbh

This is my favorite video ever

I’m going to be talking about this for the rest of my life. Because this? This is one of the defining pieces of culture from a time when life went from bad to worse. Everyone knows this sketch. Almost word for word. This four minute bit is carrying us through these times, and is probably the only piece of media to come directly from politics that is genuinely joyful.

You simply cannot talk about this era without mentioning the horse loose in a hospital. It defines the entire experience, and does it hilariously.

I fucking adore this man

i love john edmund mulaney with my whole entire heart, and you may quote me on that

i just realized that this is going to be something that people look at in like 50-100 years when talking about this era of american politics and people are going to be interpreting it and its probably going to be on someones fucking dbq like no no one outside of this time period will every ever be able to grasp just how accurately this describes Everything

THAT’S WHERE IT COMES FROM

“that’s what I thought youd say you dumb fucking horse”

HORSE IN THE HOSPITAL

OHHH SO THAT’S WHAT THAT WAS ABOUTTTT

Reblogging this in honor of the horse being sent to the hospital.

Anyway, as we enter cold & flu season in the YEAR of corona, this will come in very handy.

This was created by Vox and if you look at small print, you'll find the sources used to create the table.

Obviously there are exceptions and we're getting conflicting and new information about covid-19 all the time but by mid-august, I believe we certainly had observed enough cases for experts to put this together at least.

oh, the orange shithead got covid!!! oh it’s like our birthdays all came early!!! oh i hope he dies!!!  🎉 🎉 🎉

The epitome of “everyone was thinking it.” lol

oh, were we trying to be discrete? what nonesense!

to crystal sparkling blindingly clear: 

i hope his cabinet dies! 🎊🎊🎊

i hope his entire family (minus the teenager) DIES!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

they are all complicit in the highest level of treason, fascism, the destruction of civilian lives, and the revival of nazism in the 21st century. would love to watch someone dip them one by one in gasoline like a candle wick in hot wax then light them up like a xmas tree 🎄🎄🎄 a menorah 🕎🕎🕎 or a pyrotechnical parade on new year’s eve 🎆🎇🎆🎇🎆🎇🔥🔥🔥. to reiterate, I would consider trump’s death a festivity a holiday a salubrious celebratory occasion a marvelous means of welcoming in the new year, a cause for cigars and party hats and passing out the champagne 🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂. finally something to celebrate in 2020 ❤️❤️❤️

Uh… That’s a bit violent

check the tags  💋 💋 💋 💋 

hey cumfycock i recommend calling 1-800-222-1222, boot polish isn’t supposed to be ingested

Millennia old double standard: the nobility can kill as many peasants as they wish, but the spilling of noble blood is unthinkable. Trump can actually kill hundreds of thousands of civilians, but to wish the same fate on him one (1) time is a step too far.

also so damn many of you are absolutely fucking convinced that while musk is evil and malicious, hes a also actually a genius like look.... these do not have to go together

sometimes, often times, people in positions of vast wealth and power are complete, absolute fucking idiots

musk has decided that he likes the image of the genius scientist

but he is not responsible for the labors of his engineers

this is a man who tried to sell us all on the idea of the hyperloop, despite it being pointed out over and over and over by expert after expert after expert that it was completely and totally 100% unfeasible as a transit system because its carrying capacity is vastly too low for the size of the infrastructure commitment and its ridiculous cost

this is a man who greenlit sending a car into space without even sanitizing it first, which is standard practice for space programs around the world to avoid the potential of destroying undiscovered microorganism ecosystems on other celestial bodies

this is a man who got himself investigated by the fucking SEC because he tried to manipulate his own damn stock prices for the sake of a fucking weed joke

this is a man in his weird super long mid life crisis calling himself a fucking "meme necromancer" to try to be a cool kid

the man is a fucking idiot. buying himself the title of "chief engineer" does not magically grant him engineering ability or knowledge

buying a company with daddys blood money does not make him a competent or savvy CEO

tesla is a nightmare company for potential investors

the man is an absolute fucking idiot and its wild to see so many of you fall for his cheap aggrandizement

Nobody called me but I showed up anyway.