Plan now is to eat better and eat only when I am hungry. I want to feel and look good/ healthy for this festival I’m going to in the fall so yeah.
CW from yesterday 119.8
GW - 115
UGW- 110

Plan now is to eat better and eat only when I am hungry. I want to feel and look good/ healthy for this festival I’m going to in the fall so yeah.
CW from yesterday 119.8
GW - 115
UGW- 110
So I’m 119.8 my weight is fluctuating so I’m not going to make a big deal about it.
-8/2023
the idea that your friends won't like you if you're too weird is wrong for example one time I told a friend whenever I was losing my mind I laid down on the floor under my desk and stared at it until I was better and next time she visited me she taped a bag of salami snacks to the underside of my desk with a message saying "going insane all by yourself, handsome?" which I only saw months later when I had a breakdown. that's friendship.
he prays for love, he prays for peace and maybe someone new.
Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.
So this is weird how I can’t see what I’m typing right now but anyways)
It’s day 2 and I feel good that I’ve only been eating healthy foods
I’m about to make mushrooms and onion for dinner. I’m probably won’t make rice. If I had cauliflower rice that would’ve been nice.
9;04pm
Ugh
I’m so triggered to go back to my old ways
With counting my calories and stuff that deals with that…
I feel as though it would be best for that to be on my mind while faking confidence
Current weight : 134.4
I want to lose a good amount of weight before my birthday. With eating the right amount of calories, being mindful of what I eat, not overeating/forcing myself to eat. I want to be healthy. So starting tonight. I’m choosing better eating habits and doing whatever to keep my peace within myself.
- I’m going to continue to be myself and to grow. Unlearn unhealthy/ toxic behaviors & replace them with healthy/ productive / ambition behavior.
Goodnight 10:28