Need a break from work... and a shower to be human again 💦

Oh he's pretty

is that garnets hair

yes.

(I sensed a challenged so I took it, tusssilago)

NO NO DONT DECAPITATE HER OH MY GOD THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

I aim to please, tusssilago.

Wheeze

@madam-starfall

she's been carrying youtube on her back for a decade she fucking deserves several naps

Me irl

this one’s too good

Kitty masterpost

PIE AND HER BABIES!

wait!!! this reminds me i saw one of these in the wild a month ago!!

You don’t have to love your body

I really needed to read this today. Thank you.

Potato girl has her life goals in order.

This is a game changer. 

boomers: *calls gen z stupid* boomers: *calls gen z sensitive* boomers: *calls gen z snowflakes* boomers: *calls gen z gen z: ok boomer boomers:

FLKSLDKDSLSFDJ

I believe you have this inverted.  It’s the Gen-Z, Millennials and general snowflakes who NEED “Safe Spaces” and places to cower and cry and scream like a 3 year old brat who didn’t get what he most wanted for Christmas.  Some colleges have even reported having to use large rooms filled with baby cribs to placate the overly-sensitive college-age students and let them relax until they feel safe enough to leave.  Some of these kids stay all day there instead of going to classes.  This is fucking batshit insane!

Okay boomer

Okay boomer

Okay boomer

Get nae naed boomer

@masochist-incarnate dude you fucking killed him

You can do this with literally any boomer you find, no joke.

As a Boomer who finds this all amusing, I just recall who i was that sat in diapers at a university complaining about an unfair world.

Hey runners (and walkers)! Thought this might be helpful :)

Shoelace Voodoo

The heel slipping one is awesome if you have to wear orthotics because it stops them from slipping round inside your shoe

Oh! I’ll have to try this

Sunburn( T )iddies

Dear soulmate, where the fuck are you

Will u join the challenge?

is there a reason for this? like is this part of a strike or something im not aware of? 

i cannot believe im this fucking stupid 

Ralph, pick a number between 1 and 10

four of course because it’s my lucky number

Good cause that’s your IQ

I can’t believe he got murdered twice.

50% horny, 50% depressed

reblog if youre an idiot. reblog if youre just a fucking fool.

New creatable world dolls from Mattel 

DC-220 DC-619 DC-073 DC-725 DC-414 DC-826

Walmart has them listed for $39.97, but on Mattel Shop they’re $29.99

THE COCOAPUFF GIRLS

So about this project. For awhile now I’ve noticed almost every single time I see a darker skinned black woman “going viral”, she’s half naked, oiled up, and/or sexualized in some way shape or form. It’s very rarely ever “Look at this amazing dark skinned woman who accomplished this thing.” Or “Look at her smile, she’s gorgeous”.  Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. There is nothing wrong with darker women and black women in general being free and expressive about their sexuality and provocative features. BUT that is NOT ALL they are. They are so much more than sexual beings, but for some reason, that seems to be almost the only thing that grabs viral appreciation. So here’s my attempt to have darker skinned black women go viral for just being cute, creative, stylish, bubbly, beautiful, and black. Aside from the videographer EVERYONE involved in this project IS A BLACK WOMAN. I hope you guys like it. I ask that if you enjoyed this and agree with my objective, share it with a few people please.

A special thank you to @aggienes, I couldn’t have done this without her.

INSTAGRAM PAGES OF THOSE INVOLVED Photographer & Creative Director: @ohpenmike @ohpenmikephotos Stylist: @ohpenmikephotos & @aggie_hair Hair-Stylist: @aggie_nes @aggie_hair Graphic Designer: @pepitapepper MUA: @chidi.mma Models: @kristiatolode @misskellykel @chiepodeu @yanjusofine_

I worked on this project with @ohpenmike and other talented black artists. Enjoy 😊

Sometimes I say self loathing things to my therapist and he looks at me dead in the eyes before saying “You fucking moron.” and tbh same

Me: I think I don’t exist.

Therapist: Listen, you do exist, and if you didn’t, someone would have to create you because the world would be a much sadder place.

Me: Jerome, how dare you saying something so sweet when I’m dissociating.

Me: Honestly, (thing that is totally fucked up for any ‘sane’ person) is normal, right?

Therapist: No.

Me: Wow.

Therapist: You’re just a fucked up bitch.

Me: I do agree with the fucked up bitch part.

Therapist: That’s a start!

Me: I guess he’s still my friend?

Therapist: Considering what you told me and how much you wanna beat him to death, he’s not. You pretty much hate him despite knowing him for years.

Me:

Me: Why did I need to come here to realize that.

Therapist: Because that’s my job to help you to understand some stuff. Also because you’re way too kind and you would let someone punch you in the guts and still consider them as your friend while they stab you.

Me: I don’t need that kind of call out, Jerome.

Me: Hey, I brought you coffee. And croissants too, but I ate them. *puts Starbucks coffee in front of him*

Therapist: Oh that’s nice!!… Oh my name is on it!!

Me: Yeah!!

Therapist: It’s wholesome but… *very confused and silently*… How do I drink it?

Me, not being able to come to my appointment and having to call him: I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m so so so sorr-

Therapist: I dare you to say sorry one more time. I dare you.

Therapist: Hey I wanna show you this super funny image I found the other day.

Me: What-

Therapist: *turns his screen and show me THIS* 

Me: 

Me: Jerome.

Therapist: You went to the gaypride?

Me: Yeah, I went.

Therapist: Was it something you enjoyed?

Me: Mh. Yeah. Sorta.

Therapist: Did you see some bears?

Me:

Me: Jerome wh-

Therapist: That’s the only term I know outside of the LGTB one, I wanted to use it. 

Therapist: Are you sure you’re not becoming roommate with (name) because of pity? Kinda sacrificing yourself?

Me: No, I want it!!

Therapist: Finally, you’re not forcing yourself for the others! And you’re doing something you want! I’m proud of you!

Me: You’re more of a dad than my own father.

Therapist: That’s not very hard.

Me: I always wondered, are you queer?

Therapist: I am not.

Me: Ooh.

Therapist: Or am I?

Me: Ooh!

As an update, Jerome gave my appointment to someone’s else today so we were both in the waiting room, confused and he walked in, patted my head and said sorry but honestly it was hilarious.

The secretary came to tell me that Jerome actually forgot to write me down on the appointment list.

This is a 100% normal situation with Jerome as my Therapist.

As an addition, more than half of my friends want Jerome to adopt me and refer to him as “Therapist dad”.

He’s aware of it and think it’s hilarious.

Me, after complaining for the 25 times about my birth father: Idk if you noticed, but I’m full of anger against him.

Therapist: Oh, really, I never noticed. You know, you should turn that anger into indifference. It would help you.

Me: Unholy gods, I wish it was me.

Therapist: You know, people will still love you even if you don’t offer them things all the time. You don’t have to do that.

Me: What??

Therapist: Why don’t you send a mail to your psychiatrist when you have a bad mood swing?

Me: Like what? ‘Hey Joël wassup, I’ve been very suicidal lately last night I wanted to die. Hope you have rad vacations and the weed is good save some good kush for me, kissy kissy.’ ?

Therapist: Exactly.

Me: You’re as bad as me with human interactions Jerome, y’know.

Me, heavily dissociating: I don’t exist-

Therapist: Can I touch you to prove you that you do?

Me: Dinner first.

Therapist:

Therapist: Damien, you moron.

Therapist: You need vacations.

Me: I’m broke.

Therapist: Oh yeah.

Therapist: You still need vacations tho.

Me: Jerome, I am still broke.

Me, by text: Hey, you just walk by me!

Therapist, by text: Oh sorry. I didn’t see you.

Therapist, by text: Wait. Were you at the tattoo shop?

Me, by text, totally at the tattoo shop: You have no proof.

For a bit of context here: Around two months ago I went to a friend’s who happened the live on the same street as Jerome, which I didn’t know. He was really surprised to see me and came to check on me, asking me why I was here with a bit of concern on his voice. And this take place earlier this month:

Therapist: So your friend lives in the same street than I?

Me: Yes. Town’s short I guess.

Therapist: Were you really going to your friend…?

Me: Yes?? Why else would I be here?

Therapist: A lot of drug deals happen in this street and I see often teenagers and young adults coming and buy stuffs. I was a bit worried for you.

Me, at 2pm: I’m sorry I’m going to be late!

Therapist: Your appointment was this morning at 11:30am, Damien.

Me:

Me: What.

Jerome is still not aware of his fame and idk how to announce him.

Therapist; What’s up with you and wanting domestic rats.

Me: I’m gonna get a rat and call him Jerome just to piss you off.

Therapist:

Therapist: How dare you.

Therapist: Weed doesn’t do much on me and I must admit I’m kinda disappointed.

Me:

Therapist: Do you smoke?

Me: Jerome.

.

straight people will never understand how therapeutic it is to hear the words “her girlfriend” or “his boyfriend” or how I ascend to heaven when I hear “her wife” and “his husband”

Female customer: “I don’t have a rewards card but my partner might.”

Me, ears perking up: “Great! Can I have their name?”

Customer: “It’s Stephanie ____”

Me: stupidly wide smile and faint twinkle in eyes because holy crap I’m not alone

These two women came up to my register with their twins and they called each other honey and their kids called them both Mom and my soul ascended to the heavens i was so happy

When I worked as a contractor I knocked on a heavily pregnant woman’s door and she said she’d “have to talk to the missus” in a heeeeavy outback accent and I actually forgot how to speak for a second and had to explain that I’m not homophobic I’m just super gay and hearing her say that launched my souls directly to nirvana

My soul when I see Queer people visibly and openly living their best Queer lives:

Sources+more info: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

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Omg the two playing just cracks me up!

Video: [x]

🐬

(w)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

HEY EVERYBODY!