I want a guy to control my eating. I want him to force me to tell him all that I ate every day and I want him to have the power over me to tell me to go a day without food or to tell me to purge because I ate too much or to tell me to do an extra 30 minutes in my workout because I’m getting too soft. I want to feel like he’s going to look out for me and help me feel beautiful.
I need this
I understand the desire to give up control. That is a very powerful feeling that I enjoy as well. To be honest though, I’m concerned about the extreme lengths you seem willing to go to give up that control. More than that, I’m troubled by some of these commenters who want to exploit you and your feelings. It seems more than a little abusive.
As someone who has has experienced body dysmorphia before, it can be very helpful to accept the body you have and if you want to make changes, do it for yourself and by yourself. It is so much more meaningful and powerful then doing something because you think you want to be instructed to. The hard way is almost always more meaningful than the easy way. Also, therapy is always helpful if you have the right therapist, and there are good ones out there.
All that said, are you okay? If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.