June

How big does a post have to be to trigger the haiku finding bot?

How big does a post

have to be to trigger the

haiku finding bot?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

why is tay zonday on this meme i stole

you had to be there

watch the first 30 seconds and then skip to any other point in the video

i hope you find someone that bites you, but is always gay and weird about it. peace and love on planat arrth

it’s funny to me how the logic behind tumblr’s new layout changes are to coddle potential new users, to make them feel more comfortable by giving them a layout that’s more familiar to navigate

…..by making the CURRENT users feel LESS comfortable by giving them a layout that’s LESS familiar to navigate.

they’re prioritizing a hypothetical scenario over their established, existing userbase, some of which (like me) who have been here for 10+ years

Thanks Cumming, GA

FROM THE CITY THAT BROUGHT YOU

sorry babe, you gotta keep edging until you beat me in cummingopoly

TIL Dr. Sigmund Freud was addicted to smoking and failed to quit for good throughout a 45 years long battle that included 33 operations for cancer of the jaw, an artificial jaw replacement, and attacks of “tobacco angina” exacerbated by nicotine . He was known to smoke up to twenty cigars a day.

via reddit.com

Jesus ffucking christ bro.

Seems like he had an oral fixation… Almost as if he were replacing the cigarette with… No i shant say…

freud every fucking hour of the day i guess

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

This is a scheduled post for two days before the anniversary of the moon landing. Please get your moon themed items and foods sorted now in anticipation.

Kayleb Rae Candrilli, from Water I Won’t Touch

[ID: This poem -

‘On Travelling Together’, by Kayleb Rae Candrilli

In a Super 8 just outside Iowa City, two twelve-year-old boys

cuddle on the lobby couch, scrolling on their phones.

It’s four in the morning, and they don’t expect me, or anyone,

in the holy space they’ve drawn for themselves.

Their parents are asleep on the third floor, resting

before a hockey tournament or some other rough-and-tumble game.

It’s clear by the way the boys jump as I walk by;

their parents know nothing. The floor is lava.

The continental breakfast will start soon.

The couch they’re on is an island I’ve been to.”

/End ID]

found a twitter tweet that was like "oh yeah content warning hatoful boyfriend has a lot of gore and violence" and every single person in the notes/retweets/qrts/whatever the fuck terms twitter has was going "WHAT THE FUCK IT HAS WHAT" and i find that hilarious because. large amounts of gore and violence is a tremendous understatement about the amount of stuff that goes down in hatoful boyfriend

my full trigger list for hatoful boyfriend (and its sequel), for anyone curious is:

just on the off chance anyone reading this doesn’t know what Hatoful Boyfriend is

will never forget when i worked in a fast food joint. some customer wrote like “86 cherries” on their mobile order, as like a pretentious way of say no cherries, but the store was run by a bunch of high schoolers who are working their first job so they collectively went “why the fuck does this guy want 86 fucking cherries” and like piled them onto his milkshake

so when i made this i didn’t expect ANY notes so i feel like an asshole now for not explaining. so incase you check the notes, 86 in restaurant terms means “unavailable or out of stock” but has kinda morphed into “omit” or “leave out”. but none of us had worked in a restaurant before, also why would you not just say “no cherries” it’s the same amount of characters to type

Man ordering food: I work in the restaurant business ;)

Children working at restaurant: this guy must really like cherries. Got something in your eye there sir

TREE! LAW! UPDATE!

I got an extension called DeArrow that replaces Youtube thumbnails/titles with crowdsourced ones to make them less clickbaity and obnoxious. If there isn't one available I set it to just grab a random frame and remove ALL CAPS!!!.

Here's some comparisons (Original on the left, DeArrow on the right):

Night and fucking day on Linus Tech Tips....

might add this to my roster of youtube mods along with the "remove ytshorts from my existance" one

Its info is crowdsourced, so if you watch a video with a bad title, suggest your own!

Sooo hilarious but I can completely see this being a real conversation between streaming execs 😏

(original vid: Asif Ali - instagram - https://tinyurl.com/2p8jpkzz)

“they even put an Indian guy in WandaVision”

hang on a second, I gotta look up something

yeah, this is really funny

My favourite rewards are the Real River Trip and the Be Our Motor levels. Read them and imagine what it must be like to take a circus down the Mississippi on a makeshift boat.

Last week I accidentally took an edible at 10x my usual dose. I say “accidentally” but it was really more of a “my friend held it out to my face and I impulsively swallowed it like a python”, which was technically on purpose but still an accident in that my squamate instincts acted faster than my ability to assess the situation and ask myself if I really wanted to get Atreides high or not.

Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.

Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.

You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.

As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.

Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.

This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.

A blender is roughly the size and shape of a human baby. Cradling one in your arms satisfies a primal need. A month ago I was permitted to hold an infant for the first time in my life, an experience which was physically and psychologically healing. I felt an echo of that satisfaction holding my friend the blender, and the thought of parting with it felt even more ridiculous than bringing it with me to hang out on my friend’s bed.

This rabbit is named 𝗛𝗣 𝗟𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗷𝗲𝘁 𝗣𝗿𝗼 𝗠𝗙𝗣 𝗠𝟰𝟮𝟴𝗳𝗱𝘄, due to suffering from chronic destroys-paper-for-fun disease

i have lots of flaws but i do at least take a fair amount of comfort knowing that, if i were a customer NPC in a fast food/retail management game, i would be one of the chill early-level ones that can wait a super long time before they start getting impatient, and you breathe a sigh of a relief when you see them show up in a harder level

the "tumblr is hard to use 🥺" comment from staff is so funny bc like. its not untrue. but the solution isnt to make everything algorithmic, its to stop hiding the FAQ pages deep inside the site. just like. explain shit to new users. a concept. also obviously just fix the search function