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Depressed yet Happy

@julianna1042714-blog

Posts
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Im tired... Of anything Anyone And Everything Yet I never get tired of you.
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He's calls me dude, Like a friend, I don't want it to be like that anymore.
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Its not easy to look in someone's eyes, You know the things they've gone through, The sadness, The depression, The tears that have run out of those eyes and done their face, Its harder to look in someone's eyes and tell someone how you feel, I guess that's why it was easier for you......you couldn't see me or my eyes.
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-Hi -How are you? -Fine, how are you? -What have you been doing? -Nothing much -Goodbye It went too fast and I didn’t want it to end but yet I was the first to say goodbye.
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Nothing could help me get down I cry everytime I wait and wait for someone or something It hurts To not know where or when I cry so much I can’t even breath I cant even speak Cause im useless No one asks If im ok I laugh and smile All day But you can’t see through these lines, Your blind If you can’t see the way I act I guess you probably don’t care You can’t really tell anyone that your depressed You don’t want help But you want someone to see you, And your head is also messed up and telling you bad things. I’m depressed. I’m me.
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Tell me a secret, I’m someone who can keep it, To tell in the dark, Where the monsters roam around, I will not fear it, Cause what you say is silly, It scares me what you’d think, If you knew that the fears for you are what keep me alive.
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For me love is an unfound word that has yet no meaning in my life, cause it has yet to have a perfect definition for me.
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He looks in my eyes and sees the truth, He looks in my eyes and sees the pain, He looks in my eyes and sees the screaming, He looks down my face looking at the tears, He looks at my face wondering who did this to me, He wonders one day if he can see, The happiness that will one day bring, No sadness in my eyes, No pain, No tears, No screaming for help, Will be his day where he will see me free, Away from all these strings on me.
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Has it ever crossed your mind that someone could be thinking about you right now?
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I knew I didn't love him, and he knew he didn't love me. But we were the same, we loved the feeling, hated the person. I understand now that nothing is up to me in my situation and I never wanna control it. Cause all I am is a speck of dust in a dark corner. No one cares if they did they would of asked me to tell the truth to stop lying. But I can't control anything I do cause all I do is a mistake and I just wanna leave everyone and everything so I can get out of this awful place where people judge people. For there looks, how much they love and how people are treated which is awful im not surprised that we are killing each other cause all that happens is we are killing ourselves and there's no use of stopping cause this is an endless cycle. Kill or be Killed.