ニンジンよ。ちょうどごはん中でした。

お皿に大きい煮干しも入っててびっくりした。

@上野動物園

A Statue of Yehuda HaLevi (1075-1141)

He surely doesn’t

Fort worth, Texas 2017

Direct Action in front of the Panda Express

I heard Hank Hill’s voice while reading that.

You are an anonymous professional assassin with a perfect reputation. You lead an ordinary life outside of your work. You’ve just been hired to kill yourself.

My first thought is that the middle man I use–calls himself ‘Leader’, real name Brett Thompson, 46, balding, lives in PA–has uncovered my identity. Why else would I be staring down at a picture of my own face? I think it’s a warning, that he knows about the Sanchez job, and I nearly reach for my go bag.

Then I see the client’s name.

Vi Larson, the file tells me, male, 32, computer analyst.

I close the manila folder, tossing it away from me. The whiskey sour’s gone warm in my hand, but I drink it down anyway, eyes distant. I don’t need to read any more of the file. I can fill in the gaps well enough.

Funnily enough, this betrayal is just as sharp and unpleasant as the first one, the one that got me into this business in the first place.

“You at least owe me a crime of passion, you bastard,” I mutter into my drink. I close my eyes and sigh, willing away the stinging in my heart. I knew that my relationship was in trouble, but this is just cold. 

 In a way, I can’t believe it. Is a divorce really that hard?  But, no, I know Vi. He’s methodical, analytical, and competent. If anything, hiring an assassin with a reputation like mine is right in line with his personality. Nothing but the best, even in the murder game.

I should be flattered, really. My rates aren’t cheap. Whatever I did to make him send this in–and he did, there’s his social security, his fingerprint, everything–it must have been killer.

I set my glass down on the counter and tuck the folder under my arm. I need to think and I do my best thinking in the tub. Vi won’t be back from his “business” trip for another three days, during which I’m supposed to kill myself.

As I head up the stairs, I can’t help but laugh. Finally, after three years of marriage, my husband does something interesting. And it breaks my fucking heart.

——————————————

He wants me to make it painless but horrific. There’s a script in the document, something that’s more common than people think, and it’s hard to read it, even surrounded by bubbles and soothing music.

“Your husband sent me. Said he needed to shed some dead weight.” I snort at the pun and close my eyes, resting the file against my face so it doesn’t get wet. Unfortunately, the tears do that anyway.

“Fuck,” I say. “You bastard.”

Keep reading

An Ossetian graduate from the town of Beslan prepares to release balloons in honor of the 385 people killed in the 2004 siege

Location: North Ossetia-Alania, Russian Federation

Photographer: Diana Markosian

186 of them were children.

In fairness, I assume that’s 9 hours and five minutes BY CAR. Try doing it with a huge nomadic group led by a man being torn back and forth between an inflexible deity with ego needs, said huge nomadic group who just want something to eat, no, not that, something else, and siblings who keep trying to help, but sometimes they could stop helping, OK?

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:

cracks me up every time

All the towns called “Lebanon” in the U.S.

one time i went to see my grandma in the hospital when she was just waking up from surgery and the first thing she said (really feebly) was “neil… what does… your shirt say” and i had to say “skate and destroy” in front of the nurse and my whole family

▪Portable diptych sundial. Maker: Hans Tröschel the Elder (German, 1549–1612) Date: ca. 1598 Culture: German, Nuremberg Medium: Ivory, brass

tohught these were burnt and shriveled up animal carcasses

Yeah. Me too. Ironic.

I have listed four new bats each with gorgeous shimmering prints on my etsy! <3

Reblogs very appreciated

original pattern by @beezeeart

joan holloway really is the queen of not letting ugly men disrespect her like how did they not all quit their jobs immediately after this

Being Gay And Stupid Ruined Oscar Wilde’s Life And By God It Is Going To Ruin Mine Too

not to start drama in the history fandom but some of yall out there have really bad opinions and also no critical thinking skills

also while I’m here: historical figures aren’t your fandom faves. they’re real people who had profound and often terrible effects on other real people. you can’t apply fandom logic to them. you can’t fill in the blanks with no evidence other than you like the idea. you can’t vilify some of them while simultaneously stanning over “”misunderstood babies”” who committed equal atrocities. and perhaps most importantly of all, you can’t treat real history as “canon” and develop AUs where your fave is exactly how you want them to be with none of the nasty bits attached. that’s not how you read history. that’s how you get a painfully obvious bias which makes your conclusions and contributions useless.

it’s ok u can say hamilton

full disclosure i was talking about the soviet union idk what’s going on in the hamilton sphere and i wanna keep it that way

you’re talking about what

📢 THE SOVIET UNION

happy epilogue day

And always had tea and snacks for Harry and his friends when they came to his hut. Even if they weren’t always good, he was always trying to take care of Harry.

harry literally says hagrid is the bravest person he knows in like prisoner of azkaban?? what happened harry???? why you do my boy like that???

pour one out for Rubeus Remus Potter, the name that never was

Baby armadillo.

Humans will pet anything.

How wonderful, then, to live on a planet full of creatures that like to be petted!

“ How wonderful, then, to live on a planet full of creatures that like to be petted!”

It truly is.

I want one

I can’t remember where I heard this but I think armadillos smell really, really bad and have an intense instinctual desire to burrow so they’ll tear up a house.

Look at those claws and imagine what a bored and determined armadillo could do to your home.

In all seriousness we gotta stop inviting Australia to Eurovision because one day they are gonna win and host the next show and we are all gonna have to watch it at noon like peasants.

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

Couldn’t risk it.

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT