tfw just everything is poisoned. just fucking everything? school food, water, store food, home food, toothpaste? @everyone y r u trying to kill me

I WANNA TAKE YOU DOWN! ... to the cupcake shop!

I’M GONNA WRECK YOU … .r wallet at that cupcake shop we are going to bro!

Imagine Steve learning how to cook in the 21st century, either taking cooking lessons (and becoming friends with everyone there) or frantically watching cooking videos on youtube

Two weeks in a cabin in the wilderness gives a man too much time to think, Steve discovers. It’s day three of his isolation and he can feel himself going stir-crazy. He’s also been subsisting on boiled vegetables and sandwiches, which has left him feeling the same way he did growing up. Army rations were pretty bad but it was still more than this. He’d even eat some Spam willingly.

Still there’s a lot of food and there’s a cookbook and a dictionary. Steve’s not quite comfortable with the computer yet. The internet seems useful but it’s a bit much. So Steve studies the ‘Easy Veggie Cookbook’ and looks up the cooking terms he doesn’t know and it may not be much but he manages to make himself a vegetable pasta bake. It’s ugly but it tastes far better than salted boiled vegetables. He adds sausage to it the next day.

With the lack of anything else to do, Steve finds himself cooking up the majority of his food before he’s close to leaving the cabin. But it helps. It helps because one battle against aliens (aliens! from outer space!) and three months later, Steve is in DC living in the real world. And maybe he cooks too much and taking up baking as well is excessive, but it’s good stress relief and he gets better at it every time. And once he’s comfortable with the internet, youtube opens up a literal world of cuisines.

Stress is terrible but at least he can eat something delicious after.