hello (◍•ᴗ•◍) !!
welcome to judas-redeemed's blog <3
a moon in my mom's orbit - judas h.
#IT'S A LIQUID#tho it can take many different shapes depending on the container#aka. us or animals or places or ideas etc etc#it also has a distinct & tangible Feeling#and it can be warm like hot tea meant to soothe a sickness#or it can be cool to refresh a tired body#it can be thick like medicine. harder to swallow but good for healing#love is a liquid. yeah.#not mine#no fr the notes... beautiful#literally getting teary eyed#i love humans i love how we love#on humanity#on love#rb games#polls
i made a little quiz. it has gentle wisdom to take with you. whatever i can give you is yours. love u. take the wisdom & run.
You can’t deserve a person’s love. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. They either love you, or they don’t. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for them to love you, because love isn’t something you earn by being good enough. It isn’t something that can be quantified or doled out. Don’t blame yourself for not being loved how you need to, just teach yourself how to look for love where love lives.
This isn’t just about romantic love, or even skewed towards romantic love, although it does apply there too. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to accept is that my mother simply wasn’t someone who was capable of loving me, and there is no version of me that I could have ever been that would have earned that love. But with acceptance came healing. I was able to love myself more instead of resenting myself for not being more than any one person could be.
Are you listening? Even love for yourself isn’t earned. It is a kindness you give yourself.
Life advise . if the bus smells like pee do not sit down never pay for anything you could get for free dont work retail if you value being seen as human always give money to homeless people when u can if youre buying a jacket never settle for fake leather just look for real leather and youll find the right thrift shop eventually make sure to have chapstick with you at all times dont use a public restroom until youve checked to make sure theres toilet paper in the stall with you dont eat out if you cant tip shoplifting from corporations is totally fine and vandalism is also ok Dont get caught always trust ur gut unless your tummy hurts in which case do not trust your gut take an antacid take benadryl when you are itchty but never more than 2 at a time dont get high on benadryl because it sucks Do not get high on any cough syrup with acetaminophen in it if you value your liver do not listen to brendon uries solo work sometimes you should eat a little treat just because youcan. Always dress extravagantly and wear platform shoes if you can. Be nice. ok thats it
I have an end-of-life patient to whom I spoke today. She burst out laughing and said, "It was all such fun. I just had so much fun." I wish this for everyone. I wish that we each would meet death laughing, with little regret and even less fear.
Vincent & Theo Van Gogh
Hannah Gadsby in Nanette (2018) // At Eternity’s Gate dir. Julian Schnabel (2018) // Loving Vincent dir. Dorota Kobiela & Hugh Welchman (2017) // Vincent Van Gogh in a letter to Theo Van Gogh (1880) // Almond Blossoms by Vincent Van Gogh (1890); painted as a gift for the birth of his brother Theo’s son named after him
THE WORLD IS ENDING by judas h.
thinking about anxiety and hypervigilance as your brain loving you is making me insane actually. i went through horror every day, and my brain made patterns to recognize when it was happening again. it sounds the red alarm even when it doesn't need to, because it wants to keep me safe. it prepares me to run from danger because it never wants me to be trapped in a house like that again. it demands i catch my breath. it demands i stop and sit down. it demands until it knows i am safe. anxiety sat down next to a child who was always suffering, and promised that it would never be like this again. how can i fault it for being afraid that i'll be hurt? but it's okay to rest now. we're safe now. we don't have to lay awake to make sure nothing bad happens anymore. we get to fall asleep, and dream of happier things.
Elektra in Mycenae, Casey J. King
Anonymous asked:
I absolutely adore your 'world is ending' poem. it came up on my dash and AHHHH - I really like the hope in such a hopeless situation and basically everything about it. totally followed!!!
this is so sweet, thank u!!! i appreciate the support :) be warm + well fed!
THE WORLD IS ENDING by judas h.
on shame and yearning (pt.2)
Sources:
- S.T., "300122," Tumblr, January 30, 2022, https://www.tumblr.com/ryebreadgf/674840497145233408/300122-st.
- Silas Denver Melvin, "love as an act of merciful conquer," Tumblr, November 2, 2021, https://www.tumblr.com/sweatermuppet/669052643259432960/from-love-as-an-act-of-merciful-conquer-by-silas.
- chandajaan, Tumblr, accessed via https://rockboci.tumblr.com/post/674728141263093760.
- Richard Siken, "Birds Hover the Trampled Field," in War of the Foxes (April 28, 2015).
- Emily Palermo, "What I Could Never Confess Without Some Bravado," The Rising Phoenix Review, March 15, 2016, https://therisingphoenixreview.com/2016/03/15/what-i-could-never-confess-without-some-bravado-by-emily-palermo/.
- Georges Bataille, My Mother/Madame Edwarda/The Dead Man (January 1, 1966).
- Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (April 1, 2000).
- Frank O'Hara, "Homosexuality," Poetry Foundation, May 1970, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?contentId=31570.
- Heather Havrilesky, "I'm Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I've Wasted My Whole Life," The Cut, November 28, 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/im-broke-and-friendless-and-ive-wasted-my-whole-life.html.
- Lucille Clifton, "climbing," in The Book of Light (July 1, 1992).
just chewed on my lip until it bled and my mom said it’s okay it will heal in a few days. painfully reminded the body really does just heal itself over and over again. theres somebody whos been trying to save me all along and its me
sometimes i wish i could grab my childhood self and shake them by the shoulders and say YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE WORTH LOVING. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES ARE MADE BETTER BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE NOT DAMNED. SOMEDAY YOU WILL CRY OVER SUNSETS AND POETRY MORE THAN YOUR OWN PAIN. I NEED YOU TO REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE WORTH LOVING. but i can't go back in time, so i say it to myself now. because i believe there's a future version of me looking back on this moment feeling the exact same way.