Notmyaccount

that moment when you mess up a word so often it becomes a default auto correct

I wish I could illegally download clothes

Scenario 1: she picks the gun. She points it at the killer, pulls the trigger, discovers the gun is empty. Killer probably laughs for a couple seconds and stabs her in the chest and she’s fucking dead.

Scenario 2: she picks any of the knives. The killer is probably more skilled in fighting than she is, so he comes closer and slits her throat and she’s fucking dead

Scenario 3: she picks the grenade. A fucking grenade. Pulls out the pin, the damn thing explodes and now they’re both fucking dead.

Scenario 4: she picks the banana. Now let me tell you why the banana is the best choice of all. She can eat it for extra energy so she can run away from the psycho holding a knife standing in the middle of her kitchen. It’s not all lost because she’s still got the peel: she can pull a mario cart and throw that shit right on the floor. The killer steps on the peel, slips and hits his head on the counter. Now she’s all pumped up on adrenaline and sugar from the banana so she can do some squats or whatever

*teacher hands you test* “sorry I’m not interested”

We’re going to knotts berry farm tomorrow im thinking about that shaq tweet

A part of me dies every time no one gets my joke

Hotel showers are really weird because they can range anywhere from “gently peeing on you” to “I fear for the safety of my nipples”

this was probably one of the saddest moments of my childhood

My masterpiece of a tweet

My entire life is a lie

tumblr is blocked on my schools internet for being a dating site

its a porn site for my school

I wonder what Hermione did the whole train ride to Hogwarts while Harry and Ron had the flying car

Probably had the only peace and quiet she’ll ever have for the rest of her life.

omfg you suave little shit

that kid’s got more game than I do wtf

15 DISTURBING WHISPER APP CONFESSIONS FROM TEACHERS

THESE CAN LITERALLY BE MY TEACHERS

one time in 7th grade everyone in my class got really quiet so i said “dildo” just to see the ridiculous reaction since i knew how immature 7th graders were

for 30 minutes, there was an uncontrollable uproar of laughter and someone fell and hit their head on a chair and had to go to the nurse

because i said dildo.