writer on occasion

It hurts.

Is it me talking to myself

Seconds, minutes, hours are not our friends, my love

They're  poisonous illusions

that maintain the smiles on our faces

Tricking us shamelessly and then running away forever and never to be found again

-

And as much as I'd love to get myself lost, counting stars, in the wide universe with you holding my hand, forever

A cold shiver make a tear or two drop with such bold gravity, making the forever of the blossoms feign into a harsh winter of deception

Whom am I in love with?

A fiction, a fantasy?

A shadow that never disappeared even when the sun is right above its carrier?

The pain that I crave

Only for awakening?

A numbness in which I'd remain

To hide my fear of emptiness,

Or the warmth of two lips filled with passion

And eyes blinded by damed love?

In warm arms we stay,

Sheltered, safe from stormy nights

and foggy mornings,

Sipping from a fragrant wine of love.

We watch the moon, the lips

the eyes, the skin, the shadows on the walls,

And we breathe each other's air

And we taste each other's soul

And we hear each other's heart

And then there's the cry of longing.

Later, it might seem like a static frame,

as well as the arms might seem

to become too tight, the air too sultry

and the room too messy.

So we step outside,

in cold rain and pungent wind,

in trivial eyes of trivial people,

vain and unforgiving,

that would overcrowd such gray landscape.

At once,

the thought of them arms calls us back,

because there's no bloom outside,

but let it be inside,

from where we can watch the gray palette

only for our own amusement.

Now here's the real cry of longing.

misery and sadness get me so high that at some point i don`t even know whether i wanna cry or fuck. rip me apart entirely as i digg deeper and deeper inside you, your eyes, your ears, your nose your mouth, your soul. i am photons, electrons inside or outside i am a parasite feeding on your pain and joy. i am a virus, glitching your OS. i do bad and i want worse i am a broken machine that will explode if you plug it in so you`d better thrown me in the trash before i blow your whole circuit. intoxicate me with hate before i drain your last drop of sanity.

The fire is not completely put out yet

Little sparks of it still lighting up the room

So dim and  warm enough for another two hours

Though, the night is long and cold as never

And the snow is heavy upon every living being

So shall we throw more wood into the fire

And banish them cold shivers from our bodies?

But we are running out of it,

and ember too.

What are we now going to do,

until the day comes along with it's sunlight,

to cast away our freezing agony?

you don`t like my face, do you sweetie?

you can`t even look me in the eye,

even the sound of me is just so discordant,

so unpleasant,

like a scratched and way too old vinyl;

still the thought of me is too disturbing:

what am i doing tonight, what am i about to feel, to smell, to taste?

i`m not worth that bite of cherry lips,

nor the sweetness of those honey sips.

but now, i`ll give you this:

she drains me whole with such thirst,

like that first swallow of wine,

after crossing the sultry desert.

and love and lust scattered `round my bed

and she's breathing out my scent

while her juice is moisture to my hands.

but you go back now to howling at the Moon,

escorted by your hate -

sounds to me just like those stray female dogs,

in heat, barking on the streets, around midnight,

calling for mates.

i`d shoo you away, if i had the time

but i`m too busy with fucking your ex.

you cunt.

I sat down with my back against the wall

Losing heat to them freezing bricks

Till I felt like sleeping, so I had to crawl

Across the room, to my empty tedious bed.

It was something wrong in there

Besides the ache that's piercing through my head

I could feel it everywhere

A state of mind,  a bit of paranoia

Which was welcoming despair.

I was breathing in and out, hissing

But the oxygen wouldn't fill my lungs

And my sens of smell went missing

For I think it got stuck onto your neck.

The longing was miserable and fierce

And the guilt was tearing up my guts

Or any kind of joy or inner peace.

All I thought about that night was you,

Your breath, your look, your warmth,

Your touch, your voice, your mouth

Your gentleness and your embrace

Your silly jokes and your caress.

On a different note,

a naggy fear was chasing me -

Of losing you, way too early

Out of foolishness and immaturity.

And now I have this urge to cry,

Sunken in your arms and looking in your eyes.

Soft and bitter drop of scathing liquor

Dripping down the edge of a crystal glass

Warm and tremendous ups and downs

Of a wicked tip of tongue

And a stuffy moan breaking the silence

Of a forbidden night and too unbalanced,

As the glass breaks into pieces

To a rhythm held by kisses.

Tho, there's still more than half of bottle left

Of that liquor that's burning down your chest,

Asking and awaiting to be drained

So, drain it till the last drop,

And don't you ever stop

There are many other bottles

in the closet

Late in the night, after every single drunken creature went to sleep

Tight and cozy, between the sheets, fallen into dreams too deep

Not even conceiving what might happen to the girls next door,

In the room they spilled a little bit of vodka on the floor.

So they walked towards the bed, with silent playful moves

Like they`re dancing to some old and rusty blues;

And as they tease each other with their fingers and their lips

tons of butterflies would hatch from among of honey sips.

The lust grew stronger, fueled by femininity and grace

And finally, she was watching famished her lover's pretty little face.

So she shoves her fingers into that tempting sweetest muff

And her woman moaned like she couldn`t get enough.

Now she puts her hand upon her lover`s fragile throat,

That faigned humility, in a way that made her float

and she`s dripping wet at the landscape of her kingdom

Too aroused by the thought she's both her woman and her victim

"Look at you, my fragile one.

You`re my victim. You`re a pawn.

I could kill you right away.

I could make you all astray.

I could steal away your breath forever.

After all, you`re flesh and bones

A feast for me, your blood to devour.

I could crush you with two stones.

Look at you, my vulnerable being.

In my hands you`re so appealing.

I could kill you within a minute,

your world and everything that`s in it"

---

As her fantasy was lightning up her eyes like hell

A moment of lucidity hit hard and broke the spell,

and the devil within her turned to nothing else

But a dreadful thought that would not make any sense

To her naive lover, who had her arms for her wide open

So with tears she seals this fantasy that may remain unspoken

What is addiction compared to a cold night

in each other's arms,

compared to a neck and chest kiss,

compared a lip bite,

compared to your breath in my ear, hampered by too much booze,

compared to the feeling I get when your skin gets goosebumps just the moment I get to the highest point of satisfaction?

What's madness compared to us?

While a tear is drying out in the corner of the eye

A state of fear is tuning a minute into eternity

And I cannot stand the cold that's dripping down my spine

as the clock is ticking slower than a dead man's heart.

I would drink from a ghastly bottle

Or I'd swallow up the darkness knowing that I might start to rot from the inside

Only to kill the feeling that you might be fighting an abusive, massive thought,

Surrounded all by silence.

Let me hear you cry, at least

And you might take, as well, my greatest sword

To mutilate and crucify the tear-thirsty demon.

Behold those who have never felt love

Gaze upon their lumpishness;

They might point at the moon above

And with voice too soft and powerless

They might tell you

"Look at it, how beautiful and bright!

With such nobility it's caressing our nights!

And it's witnessing our darkness and our depths

But still it shines before our every step.

How come we don't adore it every time?

Or us ungrateful creatures are too selfish

And way too foolish to even realize

That its priceless spark is a blessing to our miserable lives"

And there you are, absent, still and quiet

Listening to their doleful and pathetic elegy

While they're wondering if you're aware

of their pitiful confession.