Sick Entertainment

I found an instagram wherein the owner comes home every day and his excited shiba greets him with a zucchini

this is important.

This sign has been up by my house for weeks and curiosity got the better of me so i texted the number and:

Pvris - Heaven

This is very vivid. Did this guy actually have an affair with Chris Evans?

Pvris - What’s Wrong

I went to high school with a kid who would only drink out of a baby bottle. He brought a large baby bottle to school every day. At first, we thought that he was using it to sneak alcohol or something, but he wasn’t. He would bring it filled with chocolate milk and then fill it up with Coca-Cola and Sprite during lunch. He’d buy a can of each and mix them together. Like I said, it was a large bottle.

I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.

He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.

I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.

I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.

“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, he told me why,” Emily said. “He used it because he heard that babies that drink out of bottles for too long or drink sweet drinks out of them get really bad teeth problems. He wanted all of his teeth to go bad so that they would fall out and he would be able to fit a softball in his mouth. He said that he wanted to have the world record for being the first person to be able to put a whole softball in his mouth and he wouldn’t be able to do that with all of those teeth in the way.”

What the fuck did I just read

This is too much adorableness <3<3<3

I’ll reblog this every time I see it, because there’s something about burly beardy bikers giving help and companionship to a small hurt kitten that makes the world a little bit better.

Let us just appreciate that this person’s dad didn’t know when they would be home and so he couldn’t plan for them to be able to join the family for dinner, but he knew with no doubts that dear sweet Meatloaf staying in that exact position for hours was an absolute in this scenario. Truly, that cat was named well.

one of my favorite posts on tumblr over the course of 5 fucking years.. clearly i need a life

Meatloaf is a reliable cat and did not steal the money for selfish reasons. A rare friend.

I love Meatloaf. :)

Bless Meatloaf

Reblog Money Meatloaf to get surprise $40

damn. baby flamingo

huge fuckin foot. damn

She’s an actual angel

credit: ZulonePhotographie

i wish you were with me right now i want a 2 hour long hug

I hate when you’re like “wow nothing is exciting anymore” and someone pipes up like “it’s called growing up” actually deborah, it’s called major depressive disorder but thanks for your input

in case you haven’t noticed, im WEIRD. I’m a weirdo. i dont fit in. and i dont WANT to fit in.

have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? Thats weird.

one time my friends and i got bubble tea and my one friend didn’t know abt the tapioca pearls and he took a sip and then opened his mouth and let like 9 of them roll out of his mouth and onto the floor and then whispered “what the fuck”

my thighs are killing me cause today i found an old swingset on a trail i was walking and stopped to have a few swings but the seat was really small and uncomfortable, almost as if it wasn’t designed to fit a grown man’s ass

or fit a grown man who is an ass

i am going to throw you into the ocean

in your condition the only thing your gonna throw is your back 

and if u dont get off my back the only condition youre gonna be in is critical

I’LL REBLOG THIS TILL I DIE

ladies dont start fights, but they can finish them.

that is a cat with a hairbow how is that relevant to the caption

Uncultured swine