Leap of faith

I can’t breathe whenever I see this

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

Rare video footage of a tall child discussing diner antics in the wild

Meet Kingsley

Credit: @blackwolfblackpanther

I really need everyone to see me throwing a piece of bread into a bears mouth.

I actually have never been more proud of anything in my life and WILL reblog this every day until I die.

Fris-bear

talented bear

please watch this two second clip from santa clarita diet

MARVEL 

link // https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHUrAvKNF8s (collab w/ djcprod)

Okay I’ll admit this the was really awesome and a really well matched to the song and edited

That’s fucking tight.

“Don’t scare me like that, colonizer!”

My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks.

When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise.

What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!!

I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D

She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed:

Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?”

I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since.

New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night: 

She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days.

And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention.

ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe

THIS TED TALK WAS NOT LONG ENOUGH I NEED MORE INFORMATION!

THE GREATEST SAGA OF OUR TIME

I don’t know if this will be as funny to me tomorrow morning, but right now im losin my shit

Ralph Breaks The Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2 Official Teaser Trailer

EEP! caught red handed <3

My assigned FBI agent hearing me play the same song for the 500th time in a row

i lived, bitch

i laughed, bitch

(via alexissantoraaa)

have y’all seen pics of cosplayers being arrested because

it is simultaneously

the best and worst thing

I have ever

fuckIN G seEN

likE WHAT DID THEY DO

TO GET ARRESTED???

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE TELL ME

pleasE I NEED CONTEXT