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Self-Made Man

@jjamboard

adult // autistic // trans // he/him // aroace

Word to the wise y’all. Don’t wear a butt plug to your MRI

Don't wear a chastity device to one either. Even if it's a silicone/resin cage, the locking mechanism is still metal, it WILL try to yank that thang asunder. The GOODEST boys are the ones who DON'T risk damaging their body and a $1.2million machine.

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There’s no way on earth anyone has to be told this I’m hallucinating this post there’s just no way

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someone tells me they're an empath and I grab both sides of their head before frying their brain with my dark empathy electromagnetic waves

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sensing?

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva

me normally: i'm not personally a huge fan of modern art

me around right wingers: I love modern art sooooo much and I think there should be litter boxes in schools also

fucking obliterated lmao

This came as a result of Light Novel publishers believing that people don't read the blurbs on the back of the books. So their answer to this was to.... make the blurb the title.

Despite this, however, Light novels with overly long titles have very rarely topped in the best sellers, as the books that sell still tend to sell the best are ones with more traditional short titles.

So of course this trend has no bled over into manga as well because if something bullshit insane marketing scheme is proven to have no real effect other than to confuse and frustrate its consumer you gotta spread that shit to EVERYTHING.

i refuse to believe that image is a title

i cannot read it but it looks like a whole paragraph

Oh this is just the first page.

This Light novel is 196 pages long except it's literally just the title.

This is modern art.

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If you’re ever stuck when writing a story, break your main characters legs and then have a milf show up. She doesn’t have to help

autistic people of a particular flavour will master the art of expressing mundane sentiment in amusing ways because their most successful jokes as children were primarily accidental. and when you realise you have that spark of a weirdo it's just a matter of intentionality and comic linguistic optimisation to make yourself a regular sayer of things in funny ways.

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Maybe you're just hot?

I mean it helps also

Anonymous asked:

we're apparently opposites lol. i dont know ANY women currently. i keep trying to meet more and they keep turning out to be trans men who hadn't figured it out yet. most recent guy came out to me YESTERDAY which is the 7th in the last three months. im cis and straight i dont know why this keeps happening. my dating life is in shambles but i have SO MANY new buddies im teaching how to shave and torrent movies

not to be weird but i think i'm obsessed with you

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my second grade teacher tried to gently break the news to my mom that I couldn't read at a parent-teacher conference lol. she's all like "I know this is hard to hear but she's very behind I'm sorry" mom comes home and is like NIA! EXPLAIN THIS!! I'm like mooooooom those baby books at school are so bo-RING! 😂

image description: a tweet from  ر ت  ت  ت   (@ raniawrites), timestamped 7:38 AM on 19 Feb 23

many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son’s teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her “he NEVER speaks”, I asked him - “Gabo, what’s going on?” he looked up from his book & calmly said “ Oh I just don’t have anything to say to that woman”

I had the exact same thing happen when I was a kid; my kindergarten teacher swore up and down that I was completely illiterate, cause I'd take the baby books in the classroom, flip through them, then never touch any of them again. My parents kept informing her that no, seriously, the kid can read, the kid is reading full chapter books on their own, of course they don't give a shit about See Spot Run

Teacher continued to insist they were wrong and in denial about their kid being illiterate. She throws such a shit fit over the matter that the principal has to get involved, and I am brought to his office for a specific literacy test in front of him, my teacher, and a parent. they expected my mother to show up, on account of it being 2004. Mom has a full time job doing something sciency at the pulp mill, and no time for this nonsense. Dad runs a small construction company, and absolutely has time for this nonsense. We're off to a good start already.

Teacher is very smug about this, fully expecting me to once again prove my complete dumbassery. My daycare was attached to the school, and that's allowed me to build a reputation in advance. I'm that one kid that slammed their own head into a windowsill for unclear reasons, then failed to understand why adults were concerned about the blood pouring down my face. I've accidentally wounded myself so many times that my incident folder needed to be expanded. There is significant evidence for me being a dumbass of epic proportions.

Unfortunately for my teacher, I'm also a dumbass who can read.

I am handed a book. It is a picture book about an elephant. I refuse the book, because I find it boring and patronizing. I have no idea what we're all doing here, and nobody has made any real effort to explain the situation to me. The teacher looks triumphant. The principal winces.

Dad persuades me to just read the dumb book out loud. I begrudgingly comply.

I tear through the entire thing in about a minute, then throw it aside in disgust.

Dad was prepared for this moment. He is here to produce maximum chaos. The principal and teacher are still trying to understand what the fuck just happened, when Dad produces a different book and hands it me. He suggests I read a chapter of that to everyone.

I take the book, and happily begin reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

The principal is giving the teacher an unimpressed Look. The teacher is torn between wanting to strangle me, and wanting to strangle my dad. My dad is 6'3, which means neither option is very appealing. Neither staff member was emotionally prepared for a five year old to break out a novel. Dad has been arguing about this for weeks now. He is enjoying the vindication. He helpfully informs the principal that I've already finished the first two books, and am eagerly awaiting my older sibling being done with book three so I can start reading it.

The principal, now looking very tired, suggests that maybe I should go back to class now.

The teacher hates me with a passion and vengeance for the rest of the year. I am an autistic five year old, and therefor completely oblivious to it. I remain unaware of this entire story until my parents explain it to me as a teenager.

chimpanzees are the closest thing to demons in this world i am very harsh on chimpanzees considering my huge love for other apes but they are so fucking mean and they are capable of knowing better

if i got mauled by an animal and killed theres a part of me that would be able to become serene and sort of deal with it as like. law of the wild or whatever, humans are the ones out of tune

if i got mauled by a chimpanzee and killed i would be angry at the chimpanzee for being like. i dont know being able to conceptualize pain in others and still deciding to pull me apart with its huge hands until i die

if i got mauled by an orangutan i would feel absolutely no pain as my body was gently opened along inbuilt seams to release my soul like carbon dioxide from a coke can

"the writer's strike could stop the MCU from making new movies for months!" fuck dont dirtytalk me like that. it's only 9:34 am

ace attorney is as exciting as it is because it fulfills everybody’s fantasy of not just proving someone wrong but doing so in a heroically aggressive manner. ace attorney is about calling someone out, with receipts, so hard that they throw wild anime faces, scream, and tear their hair out, then get sent to actual jail