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@jimkirkachu

jim 33 they/them ⭑ tos k/s is my only interest ⭑ ao3/twitter @ jimkirkachu
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Presenting, for your viewing pleasure

Star Trek Infinities: Test Footage

WATCH NOW ON YOUTUBE! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

For more info on the hows/whys and character/Trek analysis, click on the 'Making of' video below (some spoilers).

As well as those credited, I'd like to extend a huge thank you to all the fans I've met on my travels and online, whose enthusiastic response to my "real life" Kirk encouraged the production of this small flavor of possibility...

Score composed by musical maestro @pazak, who is also here, so give her a follow!

I hope you enjoy it!

simultaneously incoherently excited about the possibility of top surgery

and

feeling guilty for not just resolving to keep enduring the pain + self-hatred and using that obscene sum of money on charitable donations or my niblings' education or something more selfless/helpful to the world

(and trying not to even think about the fact that I've never been under anaesthesia before so deep deep down I'm probably also mortally horrified by the prospect of being operated on)

Thought about this today and now I’m interested:

From the padd of a Kirk/Spock archivist/scholar... (abandon all hope, etc. etc.)

Wtf, even just browsing job sites / listings / descriptions is enough to make me nauseous with anxiety and depression. When, why, and how did I ever become such a useless and pathetic mess?

thought I had finally found a group of people I almost fit in with/could be myself with (an lgbtqia+ discord that's actually all local people) but after a month and a half of feeling okay and accepted for the first time in... idk how long, I ruined everything for myself by being "out" as a Christian, which apparently makes me The Enemy

#not trek#alone again‚ naturally#jtkchu's landing party#spent six weeks getting to know people and trying to muster the courage to go to one of their monthly meet-ups#but big surprise it turns out i'm not wanted after all 👍#guess i'm glad i found out before i ruined anyone's lives in person for once#i was told there is no such thing as a 'real Christian' because we have all bastardized Christ's teachings and are all evil#and that there is no such thing as an lgbtq+ Christian (even though that's... precisely what i thought i was)#and any Christian who claims to support lgbtq+ folks 'should rename themselves' because of extremist bigots spreading hate in Christ's name#so despite all the people at my church who know i'm non-cis/het being totally fine with it and supportive of me#generally speaking it seems i'm too non-cis/het for most Christians‚ and too Christian for most non-cis/hets#good to know that there is still nowhere i can be my full self#complaining#never belonging#back into the chamber turning‚ at least for now i guess#forever alone#soul sick#exhausted#no spoons#sorry for being depressing#tw religion#tw gender#what is it like having a friend group?#yes i am fully aware that this is all my own fault for having aligned myself with the oppressors#i just still don't understand how to 'do enough to stop these people & solidify love' and 'get rid of the bigots in [our] ranks'#it's not as though i have the power to kick extremist bigots out of the church. and i'm not going to assault people in the parking lot#i don't know what to do anymore (not that i ever did)#jtkchu's brain#personal log#stfu jtkchu