do you ever look at your best friend and just think “someone is going to be so in love with you someday”

im at my friends house, she’s pretty rich. like really rich. but we have been friends for like 12 years. But she tells me to order pizza and that she will pay. So hell yeah ll oder pizza. She said she will be right back she has to go to the store and tosses a small box at me. She said there should be enough for a tip in there. and that she wouldn’t care if i pocketed the rest, its just been sitting around anyways.

im a bit confused but figure there is money inside so whatever

what the fuck thats a lot for pizza.

WHAT THE FUCK SHE TOSSED $2,000 AT ME LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL FOR ME TO ORDER PIZZA BTCH IM BUYING ME 6 PIZZAS AND TAKING 5 HOME SO I CAN ACTUALLY EAT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.

BITCH! THIS PIZZA DUDE GETTING THE BEST DAMN TIP OF THEIR LIFE 

YOU KNOW WHAT IM TAKING THAT PIZZA DELIVERY PERSON OUT FOR A FUCKING PARTY. YOU FUCKING TOSS THIS AT ME YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IM GOING TO GO BUY ME A HOUSE AND PAY OFF STUDENT LOANS AND INVEST IN THE STOCK MARKET AND BUY SOME GOLD AND SAVE SOME RARE WILD LIFE AND HAVE ENOUGH LEFT OVER TO NOT ONLY BE SET FOR RETIREMENT BUT TAKE THAT FUCKING PIZZA PERSON OUT FOR THE NIGHT OF THEIR LIFE.

IT’S BACK! I LOVE THIS VIDEO SO MUCH

literally me

BRUH

lmao she so cute!

FACTS

yall this is funny

me

mac and cheese

what?

mac and cheese

That’s an egg

When Katara said she only dates avatars……

This vine is a better Avatar movie than The Last Airbender

fingers are weird??? like…… our arms just split into other smaller arms…………. ok

whAT THE HELL DID YOU DO

i cant believe she posed for a selfie

Bruh…

I’m only 16, but my back hurts like an 80-year-old with Arthur write this.

if i was looking for a sign that i need to go sleep i think i just found it

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

ehh what the hell

OH MY GOD SO NO FUCKIN BULLSHIT I SWEAR To GOD. I reblogged this an hour ago and IM NOT Lying My Tax Refund which I did in late march popped into my Bank Account, and it was a Decent sized amount……

WHAT THE FUCK Is THIS MAGIC!??!?!?! Im trying this again IM NOT BSing hahahaha thats actually pretty cool xD

yooooo

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

FUCKIN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

no BULLSHIT I KID YOU NOT! Look what I found while walking Home…..

OH MY GOD

OH MY F*CKIN GOD

THIS POST FUCKIN WORKS?!?!?! THIS IS PAST A COINCIDENCE NO WAY!??! NO FRIGGIN WAY!!! 

Im Going to reblog this every day to test this, its MAGIC ITS FRIGGIN MAGIC 

I need to believe in the heart of the post…

Oh? Well… *reblag*

i reblogged this and now my uncle is giving me 250 to dye my hair nani the fucko

I was looking for cool mushrooms to draw so I did a Google search for ‘cool mushroom’ and

everybody is reblogging this and just saying “same” or “me” in the tags and I can’t stop laughing

Horses. #ig_equine #igers #ig_fv #love #iphone6 #horsesofinstagram #horses #ranchlife

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes