Konjac sponger for face cleaning

White   //    Black

Code: xmas30 (30% off)

how dare u post about konjac sponges without including info on the boi who produces them, amorophophallus konjac

Does “amorpho phallus” mean what I think it means?

yes. “amorphophallus” is the name of the genus of this species. it means “misshapen dick”. 

more species from this amazing plant group that i love with all my heart:

amorphophallus titanum (”giant misshapen dick”). its the largest unbranched flower inflorescence in the world. this is considered a small bloom.

amorphophallus bulbifer:

amorphophallus gigas (recent studies have been suggesting that the ancestor of titanum might have been a natural hybrid between this one and another in the family)

Amorphophallus paeoniifolius:

you see the trend. there are about 200 species of these plants found so far. also some of them heat up and most of them smell like rotting flesh lmao 

anyway just something to remember when u use ur misshapen dick sponge

@gallusrostromegalus what now

My fiance is a generous and loving man who Tries To Be Romantic but I am an fucking goblin, so when he asked me what my favorite flower was, He was thinking along the lines of roses or poppies or something else suitable for a bouquet.

I am a terrible person with a degree in Botanical illustration and a warped sense of humor, told him honestly that my favorite one was Amorphophallus titanum, but we got interrupted before I could explain that it was my fave because it’a a giant stinky dick-plant.

So my Poor Betrothed, who knows nothing about plants, spent the next few weeks leading up to our anniversary calling all around to various florists to FIND the damn thing and have it delivered and SOMEHOW none of these people explained to him that “No, we don’t have that. Nobody has that. Your intended is a weirdo and you are on a wild goose chase.”

Except for one really weird guy in St. Louis who claimed he had one but wanted $5K for it, so maybe Missouri has some kind of underground arum ring IDK, but Fiance knew better than to get involved in that.

Some come the anniversary, I get a very lovely Protea instead and apologies that he couldn’t find my favorite, he’s very sorry.

..I might have fallen out of my chair laughing in the restaurant.

“Get this thing outta my bed.” (press play for audio)

Meirl

Oh shit that’s me. God help you if you get me to a party in a friendly mood. Everyone will learn about possum nipples, flower language, and anthropodermic bibliopegy.

I want to learn about possum nipples.

Present for my mum: a Lego Julbock for her wintery village.

Calamity! Disaster! Arson!

I think my favorite thing about being engaged is when I ask my fiancé “Who’s my future husband” kind of in the same way you’d ask a dog who’s a good boy and he gets really excited and goes “ITS ME, I AM FUTURE HUSBAND”

News update we’ve been married for almost 6 months now (6 months in three days) and he still gets excited when I come home and say “Where is husband?” He’ll pop up from wherever he is or whatever he’s doing and say “HELLO ITS ME I AM HERE”

Goals

My horse Squidward loves the water so I took her out to a river to swim and she got so excited she shoved her whole fat dumb head underwater which I have literally never seen a horse do before

@itsapollo78world

I give ONE horse the good Christian name Squidward and every godless trashrat on this hellsite comes slithering out of the woodwork to criticize me

Id just like to point out that

Incredible contribution

Apparently this is going viral on Instagram? Follow me at @haydenkristal

DEAR HATERS

allow me to slip into something a little more… comfortable *is enveloped in fog and disappears never to be seen or heard from again*

They will be sorely mist

@thebibliosphere vlad

The Mummy

Art by Stephanie Pepper

this art is FANTASTIC

do you want to see a movie where you have no idea what is going on for the first forty-five minutes? jupiter ascending is the film for you! other highlights include:

no i’m sorry i have to keep going

All that repetition of how bees can sense royalty, and you leave out the fact that the bees were an alarm system set up by Sean Bean, who is part bee.

Did you seriously leave out Channing Tatum’s flying rollerskates?

i love this movie so much

all this and no one mentions the zero gravity space orgy fuck bubble, what movie did you people even see

I laughed way too hard at this

in case anyone is looking through the notes trying to find the original artist it’s will mcphail !! feel free to check out his site but also here are some other things he made too !!

OOOHHH CLICK ON THAT LINK THIS GUY IS FUCKING GREAT

HOLY SHIT

this guy GETS IT

Unmute !

This is a hilarious mistranslation actually. I suspect it originally said something along the lines of "Impregnerad mot vatten", i.e. "Water proof".

Impregnering is the process of making a material resistant to water/heat. The swedish word for water (vatten) is similar to the word for goblin (vätten) so I guess there was a mixup.

Yet another Rogue Translator

been spitballing some ideas for new future stereotypes or social norms that will be pushed on your gender/orientation let me know what u think:

Idk who this random suit model is but he gives off the most David Tennant energy ever from someone who’s not actually Tennant.

It's him! It's David Lanndlord!

I am a hockey blog, but tbh this the best Gritty take I’ve seen. Cities should just have monsters, sports or no sports.

three main parts of d&d culture are

1. *drops to 0hp* “I’m dead.” “You’re not dead yet”

2. rolling a bad perception roll and your dm is just like “you don’t have a fucking clue where you are. a room maybe?”

3. when the dm is narrating a scene for another character and your character isn’t even there so when you make a smartass comment about what’s happening the dm shouts “You’re not here”

MOOOOOM

@5am-the-foxing-hour

Remind you of Cat Roman? XD

Considering that this is how Roman and Remy met, yes

Jurassic Park except they provide proper enrichment for the animals and they therefor don’t feel the need to hunt slow, small humans.

“We stuffed this pumpkin full of live goats for the T. rex watch him try to get them out with his little fingers.”

“Turns out the raptors are cage breakers, so we’ve gotten them a series of door handles to manipulate. Little guys just love it.”

"The Rexes are incredibly affectionate pack animals, so we were careful to breed multiples. Be sure to come during spring time to watch them go broody over anything even vaguely egg-shaped." "We put the Raptors through target training and now if they are bored, hungry, or just want a scratch under the chin they go to spot near the bars and ring a little bell for attention." "Imprinting after hatching was so common that we now have keepers under contract to care for the animals well into adulthood to prevent them from pining." "The Gallimimus turned out to be just giant Canada Geese, and so fear nothing. Their keeper regularly has to stop them from trying to attack fences, guests, feeding buckets, and the now traumatised pack of Ceratosaurs in the next paddock."

"We also fired Dr. Henry Wu."

I have questions for OP either about how big they think a pumpkin is or about how small they think goats are.

In a fictional genetic theme park, we play by Roger Rabbit rules. They’re however large they need to be to make my joke work.

I respect that. Question withdrawn.

Paleolithic chonks