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@jeesusmakkara

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jeesusmakkara
juukelispuukelis
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lesbianshepard

we closed 15 minutes ago and this one customer is still shopping and giving us attitude

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lesbianshepard

closed 20 minutes ago and this bitch still has her cart. my manager is getting pissed. 👀

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lesbianshepard

manager changed the announcement from “The store is closed and the registers will be shutting down shortly. Please proceed to the front.” to “The store is closed and registers have shut down. Please exit the building.”

The customer scoffed. I’m about to go fucking feral.

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lesbianshepard

final update bc i just got out: manager actually fucking did it and shut down all the registers. customer got up front and freaked out with the cart. “What am I supposed to do with this!?” the customer shouts. my manager smiles and takes the cart. “don’t worry,” she says “we’ll put it back for you.”

customer stormed out and tried to get the last word in by shouting “you just lost a paying customer!” like….no….because the store is closed…

people really think they be that entitled to shit huh?

jeesusmakkara
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fatgothgf

when i travel i like to take hilariously bad pictures of common tourist things, because anyone can take a nice picture of them, so i’d rather take a shitty one i can laugh at later 

here’s this

continuing:

jeesusmakkara
juukelispuukelis

I just found the funniest fucking thingGGGGG it’s a website where you make fake simpsons synopsises and compile screenshots from the show that fit the plot, which is simple enough but this is the first one I found

he just fucking murders homer gay rights

jeesusmakkara
juukelispuukelis

I just found the funniest fucking thingGGGGG it’s a website where you make fake simpsons synopsises and compile screenshots from the show that fit the plot, which is simple enough but this is the first one I found

he just fucking murders homer gay rights

jeesusmakkara
irritatingyou
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getsawaycar

lowkey can’t wait for there to be an especially dramatic episode of brooklyn nine nine where andy sambergs character gets shot and everyone dubs mmm whatcha say over the scene and we come full circle

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thefunnydeepandrandom

Bold of you to assume that B99 won’t do it themselves

jeesusmakkara
irritatingyou
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wheeloffortune-design

I want to apologise to

- Britney for making fun of her when she had her breakdown

- Monica Lewinski for judging her when she was a 22year old temp sexually assaulted by the most powerful man in the world

- Ke$ha for ever thinking she was trashy when all she wanted to do was make party music

- Kristen Stewart for ever thinking she was dumb when she’s actually one of the coolest people ever

- Megan Fox for ever thinking she was just a slut when actually she was an actress being harassed by her employer. 

- Hating all the women who made a career out of having a hot body. Being is shape is hard, beauty is a weapon and auto promotion is hard work. 

- All the Mary-Sues, who exist because young girls everywhere want to be part of a story they love so much

- All the female characters I ever snobbed because they got in the way of my ship.

- Hating the color pink during my teenage years, when it’s actually a lovely color and what I resented was society’s pressure to perform femininity. 

jeesusmakkara
irritatingyou
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lovelyirony

my mom has finally understood the concept of how to use “tea” as slang, but only kind of. she came into my room and said “jessie, i have tea today” and i was obviously like what happened but as it turns out she just thinks tea means information so she told me that she got avocadoes on sale. that was the tea. 

jeesusmakkara
juukelispuukelis
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froody

you’ve heard of: getting emotionally attached to your roomba

now get ready for: genuinely mourning the mars rover like a deceased loved one  

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froody

SHE SERVED MANKIND FOR SO MANY YEARS AND NOW SHE’S JUST LAYING UP THERE COLD AND ALONE UNDER A COVER OF DUST TAKEN FROM US BY A SPACE STORM AND SHE WILL NOT BE GIVEN A PROPER RESTING PLACE UNTIL HUMANS REACH MARS AND RETRIEVE HER 

jeesusmakkara
archetypo
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reallyreallyreallytrying

in the 90s if you wanted to make it as an actor you had to be called like brad pitt or tom cruise. 2 syllables tops. now you’ve gotta be alden ehrenreich or ansel elgort or timothee chalamet. anything goes. madness

jeesusmakkara
juukelispuukelis
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huffpostqueervoices

A gay man who happens to look eerily similar to anti-LGBT extremist and Vice President-elect Mike Pence is putting his looks to good use ― by wandering the streets of NYC in short shorts and collecting money to benefit important organizations.

HELL YEAH!

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primadonna-gay

THE BEST THING IVE SEEN THIS YEAR

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sashayed

NEW PLAN: trap mike pence in a pit and stealthily replace him with Gay Short Shorts Mike Pence a la Mad-Eye Moody or Mystique in that one xmen movie. then when trump is impeached, Gay Short Shorts Mike Pence will become President Gay Short Shorts Mike Pence. a just and powerful leader. “What happened to you, Mike Pence?” his supporters will cry in 2018 as he instates his new federal holiday, Mandatory Give $20 To Your Gay Neighbor Day. “I had a change of heart,” he will say, as villainous actual Mike Pence struggles against his bonds in a well-appointed Park Slope living room

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lord-kitschener

D I R E C T. A C T I O N.

jeesusmakkara
juukelispuukelis
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catchymemes
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yetimati

…And nobody thought to post other “branchs” of this chain? Yes, it’s ‘branchS’, plural, because apparently we also have these:

Bit wonky, but I painted the woman who painted the guy who painted the lady who painted the swan.

Bit shitty, but I painted the woman who painted the woman who painted the guy who painted the lady who painted the swan

I painted u/Shitty_WaterColour who painted the woman who painted the woman who painted the guy who painted the lady who painted the swan

I painted u/color_on_a_page who painted u/Shitty_WaterColour who painted the woman who painted the woman who painted the guy who painted someone’s mom who painted a swan

Oh well, here’s yet another layer

Another branch, starting from the girl with the white background:

Took an hour or so but I painted the girl who painted the guy who painted the other guys mom

I didn’t like how reddit treated the iPad guy so I painted the guy that painted the girl that who painted the guy who painted the other guys mom on my iPad.

Continue from OP’s branch:

I haven’t painted in two years and I’m glad for the inspiration!!

A painting of the guy who hasn’t painted in years painting the guy who painted the girl who painted the guy who painted the girl who painted the other girl who painted the guy who painted the other guys mom

Same ‘level’ as the one above:

Usually lurking but not today…plaid was a great challenge!

Continue! With a cat!

We painted the guy that painted the other guy who hadn’t painted in 2 years who painted the other guy who painted the girl that painted the guy who painted the girl that painted the guy that painted some guy’s mother who painted a swan whilst making them all an NPC in the process

Honorary mentioned:

Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep!!!

And finally, The Great Family Tree (some branch is not in the picture, pls click the link below for the full list:

This seems necessary…

https://nubleh.github.io/i_painted/