im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to 

spiderman dances to the beat

no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour

My tablet’s still busted, but I wanted to do somethin cute for Halloween

Click to see what these silly ghosts are up to~

in the year 2018, I can not believe

in the year 2019, i can not believe

after dying god informs you that hell is a myth, and “everyone sins, its ok”. instead the dead are sorted into six “houses of heaven” based on the sins they chose.

We arrived first at the House of Lust. “House” is a misleading term. It was more of a camp, spread over acres and acres of lush forest. There was a white sandy beach (nude, of course) full of copulating couples. There were little cabins sprinkled all along the path, from which orgasmic moans regularly came belting out. Men with six pack abs and women with perky breasts strolled by without even noticing me and God. They only had eyes for each other, tickling and pinching each other with flirtatious giggles.

“What do you think?” God asked as we passed a nineteen-way taking place in a pool of champagne. Little cherubs flitted overhead armed with mops and cleaning supplies, thankfully. “Lust is our most popular sin.” I eyed the supermodel-like figures of a couple passing nearby, and could easily see why. “You can look however you want. Hell, you can be whatever gender you want. No fetish is too taboo, and no desire can be denied here.”

It was quite tempting, but I wasn’t ready to make a permanent decision here. “Let’s see the others,” I told God.

We carried on to Greed. We passed rows and rows of mansions, each more opulent than the next. Some of them were so large that they would have had enough bed rooms to fit my entire hometown. And so many different styles: one second, we were in a beautiful French vineyard in front of a gorgeous chateau with the Alps in the background. The next second, a warm tropical beach with a modern mansion atop breathtaking cliffs. After that, a ski chalet in Colorado with a roaring fire in a hearth large enough to fit an ox. Each one had various Italian sports cars and Rolls Royces parked in front, with the occasional smattering of boats, helicopters, etc.

“Any material desire you ever wanted,” God explained. “Your own world, where you can have everything. You want the Hope Diamond? You can fly to Washington DC in your own solid gold helicopter and buy it from the Smithsonian. Hell, you can just buy the Smithsonian.”

Also tempting, but I decided to keep looking.

Gluttony was next up. Tables and tables of the very finest foods: beautiful steaks cooked medium rare; butter-poached lobster tail; fresh oysters on a half shell; exotic wines in dusty bottles that had been hiding in the cellars of the world’s finest restaurants. Everyone had a glass of champagne in hand and simply lounged on couches and chairs near the tables, eating endlessly. As soon as the inhabitants took a bite, the food just instantly came back. My mouth watered even watching them.

“In every other House, the food is practically sawdust compared to Gluttony,” God explained. “You haven’t truly experienced heaven until you’ve been to Gluttony.”

I shook my head, and we kept moving.

Sloth was as you’d expect. An endless sea of the softest mattresses, stacked with cushions and pillows that made the story of the princess and the pea seem minimalist. Little angels visited each resident, giving them massages that made them all melt into their blankets.

Wrath was… well, a lot like what I’d expect Hell to be like. Fire, brimstone, whips, torture.. you know, the works. Except here, you weren’t the one being tortured. Every enemy you’d ever made in your real life was now under your thumb. “Lots of people choose their fathers,” God explained. “Lots of grudges against parents in general, you know. But you’re not limited to that. Someone beat you out for a big promotion back on Earth? Take your pound of flesh here.”

Then we arrived at Envy. It looked… well, a lot like home.

“Go on in,” God said, gesturing toward the door. I turned the knob and walked in… and found Emily waiting inside. She ran forward, wrapped her arms around my neck, and planted a kiss right on my lips. “Welcome home, honey.”

I looked back toward God. “Oh, don’t be coy,” he said. “You have no secrets from me. We all know that you were in love with your best friend’s wife.” She didn’t seem to hear him at all; she went back into the hall. “We all know that you just settled for your own wife while secretly pining after her. Well, this is your chance to live happily ever after.”

I peered into the kitchen. Emily was baking something, wearing nothing but an apron. Her curly black hair fell softly over her shoulder as she whisked ingredients. She turned back, noticed I was observing her, and an enthusiastic smile spread across her face.

“It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” God whispered in my ear.

I wanted to take it. God damn did I want to take it. But I shook my head.

God seemed puzzled. “You need to make a decision,” he told me.

“I haven’t seen Pride yet.”

He scoffed. “No one ever wants Pride, trust me.”

“Well, I want to see it.”

_________________________

Pride was boring. Just a row of workbenches in a bare white room.

“I don’t get it,” I told God.

“Yeah, no one does,” he answered. “That’s why no one ever chooses it. Doesn’t cavorting in Lust sound better than sitting here building little trinkets for the rest of eternity? Wouldn’t you rather gorge yourself in Gluttony? Or spend time with Emily in Envy?”

I considered the options again. “I pick Pride,” I finally told him.

He narrowed his eyes. “What? Look at it!” He gestured around the room again. There wasn’t much to look at. “Why would you choose this for the rest of time?”

“Because you don’t want me to pick it,” I told him. If he was really God, he’d know what a contrarian I can be. And I knew he was hiding something, trying to pretend like Pride didn’t exist. There was something special about it.

God scowled back. “Fine.” He led me over to one of the workbenches. In the center, there was a black space. A blank, empty void that went on forever. “Here’s your universe,” he said. “You’ve got seven days to get started.” He took his seat at the bench next to me and went back to tinkering in his own world. After a long pause, he finally spoke again: “You know, it might be nice for me to actually have some company for once.”

FUCKING I MEAN.

IT’S LIKE 7AM AND I LOVE GONNA REBLOG SO I CAN READ THIS SHIT AGAIN

… Well shit.

draw the last drink you had, then draw it as something like a cat or a person! (the next drink your going to have works too!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CLICK ON IT FOR THE ACTUAL DRAWING (It’s translucent)

Wooowww 😍😍😍

man imagine getting an anal exam from carlisle. i know the mans a good doctor but his fingers are chilly….

Would he like??? Boil his fingers before hand???

moodboard for carlisle boiling his hands to put in your ass

i’m gonna fucking murder every last one of you and the lord will not punish me for it

@thewhiterabbit42 did you reblog this from @nobodys-baby-now !??! Did you?!

SHE DIDNT SHE FUCKING TAGGED ME WHILE I WAS AT WORK

Ohhhh my god Im showing everyone this and the varying degrees of horor is FANTASTIC

Not today.

today is the only day you can reblog this ever

Bet

The stars have been watching you your whole life, as you laughed and cried, loved and suffered. Today, you’re finally going to do something that none of them can bear to watch. They blink out, the whole night sky turning dark, just as you’re about to do it.

Where have you gone? Am I no longer entertaining when the entertainment I provide you turns sinister? I think, gazing up at the stars. Its dark, nothing but the moon shining over head eerily. Its seems that tonight my celestial stalkers do not wish to observe.

Perhaps the body bag and various other supplies I carry beside me in my simple satchel are a bit much. Killing people of such importance is not simple work, however.

Replaced - AU

Sam x Reader, Ketch x Reader

Summary: You’re pregnant with your first child and your husband has vanished without a trace. What do you do when his mysterious co-worker suddenly shows up on your doorstep?

Chapter Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Miscarriage

A/N: This story was written for @vale0413 for the 1st place prize for my 1k fic giveaway.

My Masterlist//2018 SPNKINKBINGO Masterlist

Feedback is Everything 🖤🖤🖤

Your heart flutters as you stare at the twin pink lines. After three years of treatments and one miscarriage, it’s finally happened…You can only pray there are no complications this time.

You can already see your husband’s face - the way his eyes widen and face smooths when he’s surprised. He’ll laugh, and his eyes will be wet just like yours. He’ll kiss you happy-sloppy and you’ll run your fingers through his chestnut locks.

And then you’ll both sleep; deep and restful, dreaming of your growing family.

Keep reading

@

Oof

rb this n put ur schools mascot in the tags !

to clarify for all the non-americans that are confused by this a mascot is basically ur schools fursona

OKAY YALL BUT

NEBULA TOUCHED SOMETHING WHILE WALKING AROUND AND IT BETTER NOT BE TONYS BODY I STG

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS????

I NEEDED OTHERS TO KNOW SHE T O U C H E D SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE TONYS LEG

it was gamoras clothes

There was a person in those clothes

GUYS BUT

Ima fic it

Tony knew it was coming the second he sat down. He kept thinking about the message he had recorded for Pepper the previous day, wondering if he should record another, but deep down, he knew it would serve no purpose. What more could he say?

He buckled the seatbelt across his chest, breathing the last few bits of air left in the ship. Pepper had always been on him about seat belts since he had tended not to wear them when Happy had drove him around. She had wanted him to take the rules of the road seriously, because back then, when no purple alien was keen on murdering half the universe, Tony being injured in a car accident because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt was the worst thing that could have happened to him.

His mind was growing increasingly foggy because of the dwindling oxygen, and he knew he must be close to death. Suffocation would not be fun, but he figured he deserved the suffering. It was what he had coming, after his failure. It was only fitting. He was responsible for the massacre of half the universe, after all.

And one wonderful, reference-prone teenager he knew now would have happily called his son.

Yeah, he definitely deserved this, not only because he had failed the universe, but because he had failed him.

And he had had the audacity to say he was sorry.

Tony heard the door to the ship’s main chamber open, and assumed it was Nebula. Sometimes, he forgot the cyborg woman was still on the spacecraft. She didn’t need air to breathe, which had bought him a few more days, but that fact proved pointless now. He was still going to die regardless. Her being without lungs only prolonged the inevitable.

The ship, itself, was a wreck. Having been partially damaged by the moon thrown on Titan, most of its major systems were down. Its light-speed; gone. Its GPS; toast. Tony knew there were weird alien terms for these things, and if it was in any other setting, he would have been overjoyed to learn everything about the ship.

But this was no such setting.

For now, he and the blue robot lady were doomed to drift in space, and he honestly felt bad that he was leaving her alone. But he figured she wouldn’t know the difference. They hadn’t necessarily grown close during their time adrift.

He heard footsteps walking toward him, but prayed Nebula wouldn’t try to interact with him. She had been pretty silent for most of their time together, only letting out grunts of frustration every now and then when a ship system failed to work, and hoped she wouldn’t break that streak now.

Through the corner of his eye, even though his head was slightly tilted, he saw her come up to stand beside him, as if wondering if he was dead already. She didn’t have to put so much pressure on him, he inwardly muttered, he would get there eventually.

He watched Nebula lift her arm, and tentatively stretch her hand out to touch his shoulder. As if bracing for a punch, Tony’s eyes fluttered shut, and he waited. He let his head droop a little, the weight becoming gradually harder to hold up, and he felt her fingers drag across the material of his torn, beaten-up nanotech jacket. He felt her hand lift up and off him, only to return a second later with a more firm hold, followed by a rough shake. Was she trying to wake him up from his death sleep? How rude.

“Nebula, please, I’m trying to die here,” Tony coughed with only half the frustration he meant to give off, his tone betraying him for his easy sarcastic humor, and he opened his eyes to look at her.

Only it wasn’t her.

It was him.

He was wearing the same white science pun t-shirt and blue jacket he had on when Tony first met him at he and Aunt May’s apartment. Same jeans and gray sneakers too, his brown hair combed nicely to the side with his ears sticking out a bit. He must be the same age he was then too.

“Hey, Mr.Stark,” Peter Parker greeted, offering his mentor a weak yet happy grin.

“Pete…” Tony croaked, his voice coming out tight with the emotion building up in his chest. A hope glimmered in his shattered heart, but not the one you’d think. “Are you here to, I don’t know, “take me to the beyond”? Like in the movies?” He thought the boy would appreciate such a reference.

Peter laughed lightly, shaking his head. “No, no, I’m actually here to do the opposite.” Tony quirked an eyebrow. “I need you to stay, Mr.Stark.”

“Stay?” Tony echoed, perplexed. “How? I’m practically dead already, aren’t I?”

“Almost, but not really. You’ll wake up, if you want to, and I really want you to, Sir,” Peter said, a pleading look in his eyes, “Because you’re the only one who can save us.”

“But why me?” Tony questioned, “Why must I be the one everything hinges on?” He rolled his eyes as Peter rounded the chair to stand in front of him. The worn, weary Avenger heaved a heavy, defeated sigh, “I’m just… so tired, kid.”

Peter once again offered a sympathetic smile, and laid a hand on Tony’s shoulder. The young superhero felt so solid, so real, that he wished his imagination wasn’t as vivid as it was, so it couldn’t torture him with a presence that wasn’t really there.

“I know,” Peter said in understanding, “But I believe Dr.Strange saved you for a reason. He knew you were the best person to save the world.” He gave Tony’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Just like I know it too.”

At those words, Tony was filled with a new kind of hope. Even beyond the grave, Peter Parker still believed he could do something. It was like oxygen was flowing through his lungs again, and for the first time, Tony took a deep, determined breath. He looked up at Peter, reinvigorated, and smiled wide.

“Alright, Mr.Parker, have it your way,” Tony said, resolute, and Peter mirrored his grin, “I will get you back. I’ll get everyone back.”

“Then I need you to get up,” the Spider-Man said, “Wakey wakey, there’s no time to lose.”

“Can I at least get a hug?” Tony asked, but Peter shook his head.

“You gotta get me back first,” he replied, and he gave Tony’s shoulders a rough shake, “But now you’ve given me something to look forward to. Now wake up, Mr.Stark. You gotta wake up.”

“Don’t you think I’m trying-?” Tony tried to argue, but was interrupted by Peter’s sudden, uncharacteristically-aggressive shout of “Wake up!”

Suddenly, Tony’s eyes flew up, and he jolted awake. He was still in his seat in the ship’s main chamber, but Peter was no longer standing in front of him. Instead, it was a young woman with short, blonde hair, shaking his shoulders the same way Peter had.

“Wake up!” She had shouted one more time before noticing that his eyes were open, and breathed out a sigh of relief, “Thank god, you’re still alive.”

The air wasn’t as thin as before, and he was breathing more easily than he had been the last few hours. He stared at the blonde, seeing the gold star on her suit and the red-and-blue color of it. He didn’t recognize her at all. He gaped at her wordlessly before looking over his shoulder, where Nebula was standing with crossed arms. Did she look… relieved?

“I’ve got a ship with me. You were practically all out of oxygen,” the blonde lady was saying, unbuckling Tony’s seat belt and lifting him to his feet. When he staggered, she gave him support, and he stared at her once more, searching for something in her face to recognize.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” He asked, and she stuck out her hand.

“I’m Carol Danvers,” she introduced herself, “and I’m here to take you home.”

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

THAT'S THAT GOOD SHIT OOF

Update

Welcome to the Underground Ch 49, Sans an Argument

AHHHHHHH ASHFGHHAGHAHGGAAAAAA I LOVE IT!!!! BONE BOI POV CHAPTEEERRRRR

“Made ya look!”

I have never hit ‘reblog’ so fast in my life.

Got me everytime!]

So I got bored and made it transparent

bless u

If you don’t have room for Genie on your blog, I can’t love nor follow you

Russian exorcisms be like

This bitch haunted… YEET

From what i could roughly understand: [no idea sorry] *GASP* *exhale* “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, FUCK OFF, please.”

This is literally one of my favorite videos on the internet

Lies

Paring: Dark!Gabriel x Reader

Warning: Angst

Song: Lies by Marina and the Diamonds

Word Count: 430

Note: This is my first time writing Dark!Gabriel, I hope this is ok

Lies, don’t wanna know, don’t wanna know oh I can’t let you go, can’t let you go oh

Deep down you knew there was something wrong.

           At first, you had passed it off as Gabriel simply recovering from the trauma and torcher he had suffered at Asmodeus’s hand. You couldn’t expect him to be the exact same angel that you had fallen in love with all those years.

Maybe that was the problem though. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed…fine. More than fine. That his laughter and the twinkle in his eyes had returned a little too fast. That his jovial personality had returned almost overnight.

Not that you were complaining.

And the way that he kissed you, whispered sweet nothings in your ear, and held you at night made it so easy to pretend that everything was fine.

And you needed so badly for everything to be fine. Years of morning Gabriel’s death and coming to the painful conclusion that you would never see him again.

You didn’t want to believe that you had lost him all over again.

You didn’t want to believe that your soft-hearted archangel had died long ago in his cage, replaced by a dark twisted creature fueled only by his desire for revenge.

So, you didn’t.

I just want it to be perfect To believe it’s all been worth the fight

           You turned a blind eye toward the brutal slaughtering of Loki and his sons. You pretended not to notice how much Gabriel enjoyed it.

Nobody questioned when Gabriel dragged a beaten and bloody Lucifer and extracted his Grace instead for the portal.

Or when he cast Lucifer at Michael and when the eldest Archangel was distracted, Gabriel slaughtered both his brothers and consumed Michaels Grace.

You tried to forget the grin on his face, a mixture of malice and satisfaction.

You couldn’t.

 It wasn’t until Mary and Jack were home, that the Winchesters and Castiel voiced their concerns.

You brushed them off.

Sam and Dean were not so easily dissuaded and arguments quickly became heated. Your time at the bunker became less and less, as you spent more time hunting until you just stopped going back.

Before he died, Gabriel had never liked the idea of you hunting. Now he relished hunting with you, ripping apart monsters with a ferocity you had never seen in him before.

That was fine. Monsters deserved to die.

He began to start his Trickster activity’s again, his jokes becoming far more twisted and violent, his laughter cruel and merciless.

“Everything all right, sugar?” Gabriel asked, sauntering into your motel room, his clothes still stained red, from his latest victim.

Gabriel was alive. And that’s all that mattered.

“Yeah” You lied, turning, and giving him your brightest smile “Everything’s perfect”

What’s the point in playing a game you’re gonna lose?

Lies, don’t wanna know, don’t wanna know oh I can’t let you go, can’t let you go oh

Gabriel: @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @archangelgabriellives

@crazy-fangirl-10

Everything: @wontlookaway @jeanjeaniethings

I love the way you pertrayed Gabe in this, it's fantastic and I can't wait to read more like this from you

People think you’re crazy when you talk about mythology because you talk as if everything is real. One day, a cyclops attacks your city and everyone turns to you to protect them.

“They call you crazy, you know that, right?”  The man I hated more than life itself lounged on a couch in my living room, eating grapes and grinning to himself. 

I wanted to ignore him, but my temper, as always, got the best of me. “That’s all thanks to you, isn’t it?!” I snapped out loud, regretting the words as soon as they were out. 

Despite my harsh tone, his smile got wider. It was the first time I’d spoken to him in ages. I would have thought he would have gotten bored by now. 

“How is any of this my fault, darling?” He stood up, towering over me as he got closer. “I gave you a gift, proof of my love, and all you had to do was love me back.” His face was only inches away. “But you spat in my face, and now you have to live with the consequences.” 

And that was the real reason he stuck around so much. He wanted to see me suffer, to cry and rage against the unfairness of it all. To turn to him for help, to beg for mercy…

Too bad, I wasn’t the begging type. 

“Not my fault.” I shrugged, grinning at him, “If only you were actually lovable.” I had to laugh as his face darkened. A loud crack sounded out as my whole house shifted slightly on its foundation. It was noon outside, but I couldn’t see the sunlight through the window. 

“I am adored by thousands. You mean nothing.” His words were spat out, his rage so thick it was difficult to breath. 

“If I mean nothing then don’t waste your time here.” I made a shooing motion with one hand while turning away, effectively showing how little I cared about his presence.

There were a few tense moments of silence. I wondered if I had pushed him too far. I couldn’t regret it though. This jerk was the sole cause of all my pain and misery in life. 

Some guys just can’t take no for an answer. 

“Foolish girl, you’ll beg for mercy when I’m done.” His snarl made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, but I didn’t turn around. The room quieted down, and not sensing him behind me anymore, I turned to find an empty room. I let out a sigh, resting my face in trembling hands. 

“That… wasn’t smart.” 

Keep reading

I need this as a novel, I love this so much