Two idiots decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. 

"What's Logic?" the first idiot asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example."

"Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!"

The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, "Amazin!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The idoit is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!"

The idiot, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" he replies.

"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" he asked.

"No," his friend replied.

"Gay."

@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

This has the same energy as a writer desperately trying to make their insanely cool but devastatingly off the wall plot point work with the rest of the story

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time

Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells

Adding a few more I remembered:  28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests  32. A Faerie taking a Name  33. The Dragon on the Farm  34. Synovus & Menace  35. Raising the Anti-Christ  36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)  37. Doctors without Borders…in Space!  38. The Villain-Wrangler  39. The Last Contact  40. The 100 Parent-Point Children  41. And the Heavens Wept  42. The Night Gentleman  43. The Serpent God and their Priestess 

44. No One Showed Up for the Last Storytime

Wow! @writing-prompt-s contributing to like half of these!

I can hardly take any credit for these stories! But I love sharing them. Unfortunately I cannot read all the prompt responses so please tag me if you want me to reblog a story that resonated with you so I can give it a little boost :)

Teamwork..................................................................................

Me, when they made the U-turn:

^ my exact reaction

The Bolshoi has nothing on this choreography.

There is. No. Unskilled. Labor.

god I fucking love strawberries

ooghhh ohgg stummy hurty too many strawberries

With God as my witness, if this gets 10k notes I will add Strawberry to my legal name

Strawberry as a name would suit you, methinks

reminds me of

the shellfish allergy NO NO FUCKING S HRIMP OR HE D IE post

Been kinda obsessed with my own Highschool Meshi Au. Laios would be a total Yugioh crack if he was a 90s kid. And instead of monsters they eat Pokémon collab snacks.

I also have some comic ideas for this. Might draw some later.

marine biology is so scary because it’s such a small field. i was giving a talk on cetaceans and afterward a woman approached me with her husband and she said, “you did very well. [husband’s name] actually pioneered the research and published the first paper on that. We were very impressed by you.”

Which is such a scientific interpretation/public education win I will cherish forever but also for the rest of my life any time I give a talk I will be haunted by the knowledge that the world’s leading expert who literally discovered/invented the topic might be in the room,

which is like, the opposite of what you’re supposed to do for stage fright. In fact I never used to experience stage fright but now I will.

There are limitations to the benefits of being a marine biologist

16th century ring that unfolds into an astronomical sphere

*For the people asking this ring is available HERE with free shipping

This is how I’m proposing to my partner in the future, I’m using this ring

I actually bought this and lemme tell you

It was the best decision of my life

Respectfully, fuck proposing. If I ever get this ring, it’s for me and me alone. It looks sick as fuck and I can fiddle with it and say My Precious just like Gollum.

I’m sorry… I’ve let this go by hundreds of times in the past [x] months and I just can’t do it any more.

…Armillary sphere.

Not astronomical. Armillary.

ARMILLARY SPHERE.

ARMILLARY.

…(sigh)

I feel better now. Thank you all for your attention.

Social media addiction is indeed scary.

hear me out, tgswiiwagaa anime.

I'm absolutely delighted that this is the tweet of mine that's finally made the crossover

Also, fuck every single one of you who has anything to say about my galaxy leggings. My passport photo for the next 10 years was me wearing a necklace made of multi-coloured paperclips, with a sidecut I gave myself with kitchen scissors. I used to wear a mismatched pair of knockoff Doc Martens, one bright yellow and one lime green, with the laces replaced by purple hair ribbons and green gardening twine. I would layer 4 or 5 pairs of different coloured fishnet tights until my legs were like a 3D optical illusion, and wore a coral coloured blazer with shoulder pads that was 4 sizes too large.

You think the galaxy leggings are bad? You have no idea.

You sound like Mabel Pines and I sincerely hope you never stopped

I like how the chartreuse in your galaxies matched your sweater, you had a great eye for visual balance

Lala is now Italian!!!

“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.

whenever i hear about hustle culture i always think about this post on r/antiwork

I think people argue with me less since I got in the habit of starting posts with "I think" despite not really changing anything else about the way I post. I think it helps also to add an "I think" at the start of every new thought or change of topic just in case people get confused about whether or not I'm still discussing my thoughts rather than immutable universal facts about the world.

Gonna start prefacing my opinions with "It is known among the wise that"

abstract and modern art haters are sooo snobby like klein literally Created an entirely new pigment and then painted a canvas in a way where the brush strokes wouldn't be visible. the insinuation that people with no skill could reproduce that is so annoying because unless you are skilled at color mixing and painting you definitely couldn’t lmao

i hope it's okay to add this because i think it hits the nail directly on the head

Honestly, it's like picking up a book and saying "I know all these words, I can type, I could have written this" like there's no middle step between the technical ability and the finished work.

Sound ON

You will never guess what the sound is. but it's perfect.

Both the article and the tweet are disingenuous. Jenna Ortega never praised Hamas, but she also didn't say "Palestinians deserve to live" either.

Her exact tweet was "decolonize Palestine" which holds very different connotations. Implying that Palestine has been colonized in turn suggests that Israel is a colony and not a sovereign nation state.

Are you seriously surprised that some Israelis are not happy with people telling them that their country doesn't deserve to exist?

Their country doesn’t deserve to exist, hope that helps!! ♥️

"implying that Palestine has been colonized" yeah. That's what happened.

“In turn suggests Israel is a colony and not a sovereign nation-state” hey quick question how come the Palestinian population in Palestine went from 1,300,000 to 156,000 in one year?