reddit removed two of my posts from r/crochet because I was “encouraging illegal activity.”

Which. Fair. I was explaining how easy it is to steal from Hobby Lobby.

They don’t have door sensors or barcodes, and I believe their overall security camera coverage is fake or shit. 

You see, when barcodes were invented, evangelicals were convinced it was the sign of the devil (or government tracking; hard to tell). The point is, Hobby Lobby doesn’t have bar codes to this day because the devil could jump in your belly button.

And if you don’t have barcodes, you CAN’T have door sensors because the devil could jump right up a vagina, and you could get impregnated with the antichrist, and Hobby Lobby would have to make a very difficult choice about their anti-contraception views. 

Oh, and they knowingly stole a fuckton of ancient artifacts, and the money they paid for those (not all stealing is just taking; sometimes money changes hands) funded fucking ISIS. 

So. If you’re intellectually curious. You can steal from Hobby Lobby REALLY EASILY.

completely enamoured with this thread

yeah im sold

I need this perfume I NEED it

At that price I do not need it.

i was gonna post it here anyway but this works too lmfao

Tim: I’m going to sue you

Damn was this more common than I thought?

There is something to be said for a character like the female saints row Boss who is so unrestrained from things like rules of femininity or good behaviour, but is unabashedly female regardless. Just the strong force of personality, it made my teenage self want to be like her, so I get it

there is not one name on this list that isn’t a lifetime achievement of fucking

This guy fucked.

"sexually conflicted" he doesn't seem conflicted about it at all

glorious tag thank you @howdidyouallgetinmyroom​

Between Ryan Gosling Ken and Benoit Blanc I'm starting to think that it's some sort of animal abuse to keep casting big name actors in stoic macho manly man rolls instead of giving them goofy little guys to play. Like look at them their coats are shiny, they seem so much more lively and energetic. We need to make sure all actors have enough goofy little guys to play before peta gets involved.

APAG (all patties are gay)

i think realistically all the doomed vessels in subnautica probably had ship’s cats onboard but i can’t bring myself to set that in writing even in the saddest darkest horror fic

so either that tradition died off in the space future or all the cats coincidentally happened to stay home

the aurora had the “keep calm” kitty poster to make up for the absence of a cat

alternatively,

au where the aurora’s cat just happened to be sleeping in lifepod 5, so ryley has a cat in his base now. he built them a playroom. they’re eating fresh fish everyday and living their best kitty life

excellent addition, thank you

"unfortunately I like men" What do you mean unfortunately?? Have you seen men?! I'm lucky to like men!! I love that I love men!! There's so much fortune to be had in being attracted to men!!

If you honestly think you're hiding anything from the paranormal investigator in your group then you're only lying to yourself.

my friend's baby has been alive for three days and they still haven't named her and it's just so weird

they were waiting to see her to decide on a name but newborns look like weird old people and this one is particularly potato-like (complimentary)

Here's it's very normal not to disclose the name until the naming ceremony, That one often takes place at 2-3 months.

When I was in primary school I had a friend whose younger sibling who was not named until the kid was like nine months old.

@cosmik-homo 😭😭

Shout out to Spanish for having the correct word for kitties. This is literally el gato there's no other word for it

we have multiple actually. you forgot gatito and gatita.

HOW could I forget....

Los gatitos....

I have been informed that in Spanish these are also called MICHIS... the winning streak continues

hey. hey. if you were/are not allowed to express anger in your household. ily

anger is human, anger is part of processing, anger exists on a spectrum from mild frustration/annoyance to full rage and all can be needed as a reaction sometimes, anger is not inherently abusive or harmful, expressing anger (especially if you have anger issues) does not make you shameful or scary, anger does not make your point inherently less valuable, anger is a feeling you should be allowed to express.

anger is okay. and if your anger is hurting you, that's okay too, and you deserve help managing it. this goes double for people who are often stereotyped as angry or scary (black & brown ppl, transfems, ppl with stigmatized disorders, butches and other masc queers, etc). anger is allowed.

Dom & Mor high school portraits 😌

Completely inactionable fetishes are so funny to me. "I wanna be a robot girl and I want you to install a virus on me." Like okay good luck with that.

i really like this nancy strip

Oh this is why every gardening person I know keeps trying to give me the food they grow

That, and we love you. Homegrown produce is a love language.

Unless it's zucchini. Then it's a cry for help.

Tomato (June) - I think highly of you; treasured friend

Tomato (September) - you are a warm body that is nearby

Fresh new asparagus - romantic love

Artichoke - fondness

New rhubarb with leaves removed - flirtatious potential

Rhubarb with leaves left on - the bloom is gone

Swiss chard - I have made mistakes

Perpetual spinach - declaration of animosity between our houses

White-fleshed potato - you are a neighbor

Blue or red fleshed potato - as above, but with overtones of camaraderie/affection

Kale - you are a person who was nearby when I had kale

Raspberries - you are a person I admire

Strawberries - you are a treasure

Onion - I am confused

Young French beans or young peas - I thought of you especially

Runner beans - mild criticism; familial ties; gift from parent to child

Pumpkins - overt romantic, sexual or childhood-bestie interest; highest declaration of loyalty

Prettily coloured popping corn, I.e. glass gem - let this seal the breach between our houses

Zucchini/courgette - cry for help, resignation

Novelty pumpkins - marriage proposal

(chortle)

Oh I feel like I should say - perpetual spinach, aka leaf beet or green chard, isn’t spinach, but a type of chard: the leaves of a beetroot-cousin that has been selected for small roots and more leaves. When some leaves are picked, the plant generates more leaves. They live through mild frost, allowing you to eat fresh vegetables in winter; they start in cold spring, allowing you to eat in the hunger gap; they’re not bothered by heat or drought. In full sun or heavy rain they just make food. they’re more resilient and resistant to problems than tender spinach leaves. You can get away without watering them much; they rarely bolt, as spinach and lettuce do; pests nibble them but aren’t really interested. They are vigorous and continuously produce food. The more you pick, the more you make.

The problem is that they’re not very nice.

I mean, they’re fine. It’s fine. People can eat them as a side dish for about one meal a week before the Depression. You can sauté, steam, stick in a quiche - make eggs Florentine - freeze back, give to neighbors, flick through a stir fry with fresh garlic and chili flakes, prepare raw in a salad with balsamic glaze. But over time, no matter how good of a cook you are: the anomie sets in. It isn’t a skill issue, or a lack of recipes, as well-intentioned people will try to tell you sanctimoniously. It’s just that chard has a fairly low saturation point. Potatoes are the opposite; it’s difficult to get too much potato on a menu, and people will still be interested in their meal if you serve it a lot. But after the excitement of the hunger gap, one dish of chard in a week is all you really want; and a plant will give you that for 52 weeks a year.

So you must have a wide range of innocent neighbors.