me looking at the person i like: i am enamored even with the way your fingers move, with the way the light plays on your skin, with your freckles and your smile and your laughter, with your voice, with how you get around the things you love, with your humor,  me aloud: what’s up asshole

This is like a shot of a woman running where the camera focuses on her cleavage. Except it’s a man, not a woman. And a pug, not boobs.

Derrick Brown, “Love Language (via amortizing)

my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard

I kind of needed this today. Thank you.

why are breakfast dates not  a more popular thing? like forget your 9pm fancy dinner reservation, lets go eat pancakes at 9am in our pjs

how lucky do two people have to be in order to fall for each other at exactly the right time in exactly the right way

*uses lol and lmfao to make embarrassing and sad truths about myself seem like a joke*

(via jellybaby007)

too picky to be a ho

2015 is the year im gonna get cute

2016 is the year im gonna get cute

2017 is the year im gonna get cute

me: cant believe im about to mcfreakin lose my virginity boy: *already putting pants back on*

Melly (Ambiguities)

@ the bad eyebrow : I feed u I bathe u I groom u and yet … U forsake me like this

do older generations not get fatalistic humor?? like the other day my friend’s parents were hanging around and we were joking and i was like “well no matter what i can always fling myself off the nearest cliff” and they didn’t laugh then later the mom pulled me aside and was like “maybe you should get some help, sweetie” like stfu?? help? in this economy? i don’t think so, debra

I honestly don’t think they get it as a coping mechanism, they think it’s a cry for help rather than actually helping.

i’d even say it’s past just coping and is also now a category of Stuff Kids Got Used To When No One Was Looking; not everyone using that humor is even covering up something bigger, we just stopped thinking fatalistic = taboo/unspeakable somewhere along the line, and most parents don’t seem to know why or how ~

My boss opened a door and missed me by inches, he said “whoops, almost killed you there!” My result of “Oh, if only.” Led to an awkward end of shift debrief.

This generation shares the same humor as the goddamn Addams Family and the previous generation is the White Sixties Family™ that lives next door and runs away screaming at the end of the episode

My kink? Knowing all the information

Hit me with your best

car

please dont be a bitch to me

bcs then I’ll have to be a bitch back, and I can do it better than u

I don’t need a significant other just a significant income