i am tired

Audio On

laughing during sex is really cute

Crabs probably think that fish can fly

lol it seems like everyone hates me extra today

Honestly, the Android vs. iPhone debate is so stupid like so what, let people have their phones. It’s so pointless and dumb like yeah one has emojis and one looks like a Fisher Price My First Smartphone for Kids but like, can’t we all just get along and take a selfie together with the iPhone’s superior camera? 

enjoy getting bricked by a mandatory software update in a year

throwback to that time in 2013 when i made a text post that said “i would die without weed” and someone reported it to my college as a suicide threat and they pulled me out of class and made me see a counselor who had the text post printed out and highlighted on a piece of paper

I just want a fire starter that stays on four legs

—

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

No laughing, please—itches aren’t so easy when you’ve got tiny ‘gator limbs. 

aww what a beautiful boy

Saw a tapir riding the CTA today

oh no

This is real bad

This is an absolute nightmare. CPD weren’t prepared for this at all.

History classes are just gonna get harder and longer as times goes on