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Oh sweet irony

@ironicvixen

I will probably post images and memes of my favorite stories, because i have nothing better to do

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!

He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!

Alfred: Oh my you’re right

There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well

(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING

Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!

Alfred:

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Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”

@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this

Bruce: I have a code.

Alfred: And I have a gun.

Bruce: time to remove the guns.

Alfred: good fucking luck.

I’ve peer reviewed @ebonyheartnet’s addition and found that it deserves a reblog.

My dad: watch that the cat doesn't eat my lunch.

Me with a mouth full of food that I stole from him: ok

We are arguing with the teacher and a girl comparing our class to another said literally, the other class is flowers and spring, this is hell, it took everyone a minute to analyze it and as soon as they realized it they started laughing.

Anonymous asked:

hi gentry 👉👈 if its okay to ask (if not, then nevermind then) for a spoiler of sorts: from 0 to 100, how feral is izuku in the next chapter of anyone?

...Having read said next chapter of Anyone. WTF Gentry.

That is 65!?!?! HE OUTRIGHT TRIED TO KILL AFO! No plan, no tricks, just 100% pure rage filled murder attempt. If that isn't 100% feral, what the hell is?

You will see.

Oh no, oh crap, do I have to worry about that? I feel like I have to worry immensely about it.

Good news, my lunch looks very tasty. Bad news, I have my period so I won't be able to eat it. 😔

I am tired of urban fantasy books telling me that wolfsbane is dangerous for werewolves. Wolfsbane is dangerous for everyone. Werewolves aren’t special.

Instead, I want werewolves to be explicitly allergic to chocolate.

NOOOOoooo, how dare you do that to Remus Lupin!!!!????

Me: buying an Aloe vera face cream to improve my skin care.

Me too: only using the cream on the burns that I inevitably get for being an idiot.

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Soul Brother

Danny hates it here. This universe… was just freaky. Different rules apply to his power set and he's susceptible to it.

Above his head, a second Danny hovers in the form of Phantom, echoing his agreement to the pervasive thought that was shared between them. Their minds were still linked, souls intertwined by an invisible thread.

Feeling eyes on them, Phantom attempts to possess him again and Danny shivers, meeting the fluorescent eyes of their stalker before Phantom starts flying them out of the area.

It's like confronting Skulker all over again.

They are being hunted.

So is this a black kryptonite type situation? If so, will Danny be mistaken as a Kryptonian because of it? 🤔

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Considering that you can choose how Danny responds to kryptonite in general (because I didn't establish how different his power set is) it's certainly possible. Imagine if the whole Phantom/Danny split is because of a strange reaction with one of those rocks.

Ever since he got stranded into this dimension he couldn’t keep his form stable. As soon as he stumbled in his ghost half was promptly ejected from his human half.

It started out okay, he could feel his other half when they shared thoughts or experienced pain, but after awhile of being separated it started to get uncomfortable. He wanted to be whole again but couldn’t figure out how. The most he could do was have his ghost half overshadow his human half for a while, and even that couldn’t last forever.

It was just his luck that some guy in bright blue and red happened to see phantom overshadow Danny on a rooftop.Now he was hiding from this nosy guy who kept yelling about possession or whatever. Honestly Danny was too tired trying to keep both forms healthy to explain to the guy so he promptly turned invisible and left whatever city he was in.

He soon figured out the guy in blue was supposedly a hero in this world, and Danny was exasperated when he learned that big blue had probably told all the other heroes about him.

Which was why he was running from some dude dressed as a bat. Danny’s human half was running on his own while Phantom flew beside him, having long since passed the threshold for overshadowing time. But oh, both his bodies felt a hole, a seeping pain that only got worse the further they were apart from the other. He just wanted it to stop.

The bat dropped down in front of Danny, only for Phantom to grab Danny’s arm and pull him through the wall into a building. They both let out a sigh of relief before making their way through an abandoned firehouse to the roof.

It was just his luck that Danny was grabbed the moment he stepped out onto the rooftop. Phantom stayed back, unsure if the guy in black and blue was going to hurt Danny or not, but wasn’t going to risk it.

“Let go!!” Danny yelled, biting the guys arm, but the dude didn’t flinch. He locked eyes with Phantom, both looking to the other to figure out what to do. And what could they do? They were tired, dirty, malnourished, semi-dead, the list went on.

“Woah, calm down, we’re here to help,”The guy with the blue stripe said, still holding a struggling Danny. Behind them, the Bat appeared, landing on the roof near silently.

“We’re just trying to keep you safe from that,”Batman grumbled, and Phantom pulled a face that screamed offended.

“He’s safer with me than he is with you,”Phantom retorted. “Now let him go,”he said, eyes glowing green.

“Listen, just let me go, we’re not doing anything wrong-“Danny yelped, trying to drag his feet or stomp on blue guys toes as the man tries to take a few steps away from Phantom.

“Did he tell you that? You know we can’t let you keep possessing him, it’s not right,”The blue guy continued, and both Danny and Phantom scoffed.

“It’s overshadowing,”Phantom corrected.

“And we aren’t meant to be apart,”Danny said, renewing his struggles.

“Kid, you don’t need him,”Batman tried to reason, and Danny let out a hysterical noise bordering a sob and a laugh.

“I do! He’s my other half and we’re not- we’re not meant to be two people and it- it hurts and I don’t know why this is happening to us-“Danny exclaimed, the pit inside him growing. The feeling of emptiness numbing his chest hurt more than words.

“That’s just what it wants you to think,”The blue one snarked, and Phantom frowned, taking in Danny’s face with tears forming in his eyes. He couldn’t let this go on any more.

“I won’t ask again, let him go,”Phantom commanded, floating closer to Danny, uncaring about how the two supposed heroes tended up. He wasn’t going to stand for this anymore. If they weren’t going to listen to him- either of him, then he wasn’t going to play nice anymore.

“B-“The blue one warned, trying to get Danny to safety when Phantom phased through all of their attempts to protect the boy. Batman was surprised when the artifact Constantine lent him didn’t repel the ghost, neither did the magic salt he threw at the last second.

Nightwings heart dropped when he saw the ghostly creature sink into the boys body, letting out a sigh of relief that made Dicks stomach twist. The kid phases out of Dick’s hold, facing the heroes with glowing green eyes. “Just leave me alone. I’m just- We’re just trying to get back home.”

And then the kid disappeared, leaving the two vigilantes wallowing in guilt on the rooftop for failing to save a boy from being kidnapped by a ghost.

The heroes, for lack of a better word, start haunting Danny.

He's given Batman and family the impression that not only is this Black haired kid the victim of a ghost and being regularly posessed, but that he seems to have some form of Stockholm Syndrom.

Seeing as ghosts, especially powerfull ones like the white haired menace, are usually old, ancient even, this isn't just a creepy abduction, but an adult creeping on a child.

There is very little that Batman hates more.

Explaining this situation before Bruce manages to get something built to contain Phantom is gonna be difficult

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Batman insists on interrogating both Danny and Phantom, knowing there was some kind of dependency between the two but never knowing the root of the problem.

When it becomes clear that he cant rely only on the word of a possibly brainwashed teen and a creature of questionable morality, he's also forced to call upon Constantine’s expertise on the supernatural, which is when the true source of Danny/Phantom comes to light.

Constantine hooks one of his fingers around the string connecting both Danny and Phantom together and pulls.

And suddenly, he's forced back by an angry Bat, as both boy and wraith shriek together in a burst of pure agony.

"Constantine," Batman growls threateningly, "what have you done?"

"Those two" - John points at the two panting subjects - "are melding. Attempting to, at the very least. I was just testing their connection."

"I saw you grab something out of thin air. Is that it?"

"A string," John corrects. "A bloody soul string is the source of all of this shite."

"Don't experiment needlessly," Batman commands. "That was an aggressive reaction."

"But if I don't, we're never going to go anywhere."

Batman hummed passively.

The boy, Danny sobs.

"Please, please don't."

I need Phantom to get away from them and his trust in adults lower to -1000 after this.

Imagine if its one of the villians that help him in the end? If its one of the worst of some heros rogues gallery that saves him. I'm not talking about Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy. I'm not talking about Captain Cold. I'm talking like Ras Al Ghul or Reverse Flash or Klarion or whoever. Like, putting together a evil science experiment tanks and stuff/magic circle dohickie and fixing Danny and now Danny is saved but also owes a major baddie a massive favor.

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Girl scout cookie season has to be fucking hell in Gotham

Like, okay so I don't actually know anything about girl scouts, but it has to be intense right? Every girl scout in the city has to know that Bruce Wayne is a soft touch and will buy out your entire stock if you just look at him with even a hint of a sad frown. Which means outside of Wayne Enterprises and Wayne Manor is prime real estate, the kind of hot spots that scouts and their parents are willing to go to war for. Like, full on street brawls breaking out between these little girls and their rival troops over common Bruce Wayne locations.

And it's *Gotham* so you know there are like, Gotham Specific badges for things like "Improvised Weaponry" and "Urban War Tactics" I bet there are badges for helping people during Rogue attacks, with like a badge for each specific Rogue and a badge you get if you've earned all the others.

Just. Gotham Girl Scouts have to be scarier than any Marine, and are probably on so many watch lists, both ad potential heroes and villains.

When I was a Girl Scout, one of the first things we were taught about was the Texas Castle law, which is essentially that homeowners have the right to defend their property to prevent someone from attempting to commit a crime on their property, HOWEVER some take it too far, and will pull a gun on anyone who tries to solicit on their property…even the Girl Scouts.

We all kinda were like “we’re not going to be selling door to door, so this doesn’t matter”, but one time a girl in my troop district was selling cookies outside a drive through, and she was approaching cars, and one guy pulled out a handgun to rest on the window when she knocked on the car. Apparently the car is property. The best part is that it didn’t even phase her, she still asked him if he wanted to buy some cookies!!!!

Anyways…this is how I imagine Girl Scouts try to compete over who’s the most extreme person they can sell to. Like the troop leader’s daughter would be all “I sold to the Batman!” and the troop black sheep just smirks and says “I got the Joker!”

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For some reason when I read this it made me think that the little black sheep of the troop wasn't even talking about selling the Joker cookies, she just fully has him tied up in the trunk of her mom's car and while selling her cookies to his goons 😂

Like she's gonna sell all her cookies and get a badge for "Rogue Apprehension" all at the same time (It’s called the Batgirl Badge and one of the Birds of Prey personally gives it to you. Spoiler said it as a joke but they get no less than ten requests to present the badge within a week of her saying it 😂)

Gotham's girl scouts would be totally like in "The Pacifer" but wilder

All women deserve to be respected, no matter if they are "Woman" by Kesha or "Woman" by Doja Cat

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there’s just some fics... they never leave u bro. i’ll be sitting on the toilet four years later thinking about the 94k enemies to lovers fic that captured my soul

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reblog and put in the tags the fics that captured ur soul

Oops, I Did It Again by @poorasdirt​

Every time I want to read a story about an empowered woman, that actually makes sense and isn't just a Mary Sue I read this, I think I've read it like 7 times now.

The compulsion to do whatever people are expecting of you so you wouldn’t have to deal with them being disappointed and upset and angry at you  vs  the raw need to scream at everyone having expectations of you to leave you the hell alone because you have your own damn life you want to live and you’re not a support character for theirs

You can always choose the option of looking at them indifferently and that what they ask for can't be worth less shit

It's 2 am and my caffeine brain is starting to catch up on me. So here's my induced thoughts.

Do y'all think that Gothamites think Tim Drake is Brucie Wayne's murderer? And initiated a takeover of Wayne enterprises at one point? It must be one of the conspiracy theories spread on the Gotham media. Tim Drake came from an elite background and after his family businesses failed and father dead. He was made to be Bruce Wayne's ward then shortly adopted. Brucie Wayne is known to take on orphans after all. But then Brucie Wayne disappeared, Lucius Fox was shot then this upstart, High school drop out, was made CEO over Bruce's eldest Dick Grayson and no mention of his blood son (Damian) whatsoever. I think Gothamites view it as a takeover. He's now the majority shareholder, oh and he's legally emancipated. This gotta be a power move. But that's just my caffeine induced series of Conspiracy Theories of Gotham.

I can really see this happening, but imagine, after all that is over and Bruce returns the Gothamites realize they were wrong, so they casually walk up to Tim on the street and apologize for thinking he had his father murdered to stay with his company and Tim all ?????

Anonymous asked:

gentry. i am here to beg for spoilers. (disclaimer - i am saying everything in this ask in a joking voice im not actually like demanding answers or that u do certain plot points or anything)

after you last post about hawks i am now just. PLEASE SAY HE'LL FIND OUT THE TRUTH EVENTUALLY lmao it's just so funny that he thinks anyone has this inner circle of like executives all working for a mysterious shadow leader. and its actually just one teenager and a bunch of glorified babysitters. i just cant help but wish to see his reaction to all of this lmao.

Oh, absolutely. There are three reveals that will upset the status quo and leads to a storm of pure chaos:

  • Izuku discovering that All for One is Midoriya Hisashi.
  • Hawks discovering that Yami is Anyone.
  • Endeavor finding out about Dabi.
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Is "Kurugiri being Oboro" not ones of the things that will upset the status quo?

No one in the Anyone inner circle cares about who was Kurogiri or knows Oboro. Yes, it would be a shock for Aizawa and co, they are side characters, almost extra in this story. Izuku doesn’t go to UA. So no, it wouldn’t upset the status quo.

Hawks realizing that the really chaotic smart guy and his really chaotic smart boss are the same person.

One of the things I like most about fantasy worlds is that something can be one thing or it can be something completely different. He could be an eccentric billionaire or a very bad vampire blending in with humans, he could be a delusional drifter or a demon prince banished from hell. There are so many possibilities and great potential for weird misunderstandings.

The Fine Print (a dpxdc universe travel fic)

Danny was bored. There wasn't much to do as Ghost King of the Infinite Realms. Every Realm of the Infinite in existence were fairly self sufficient. All Danny had to do whatever he wanted, and some official things every few thousand years.

He could see why Dark went mad, boredom does a number on you.

It was boredom that sent Danny digging through old rituals and ancient magic. It was boredom that made it seem like a good idea.

And so, the Ghost King reincarnated himself into a randomly chosen Realm, to live another human-adjacent life.

-

Danny rolled a lollipop between his teeth as he read over the contact. The demon, a minor one who would be lucky if they made any noticeable impact in their own Realm, never mind being noticed in the Infinite Realm, was kneeling on the ground.

"So, my father...John Constantine...sold me to you?" Danny asked. "This whole firstborn son thing,"

"Yes you little whelp-" Danny pulled out the lollipop, stabing the glowing green hard candy against the Demon's neck. they screamed, falling forward onto their hands. Danny shook off his candy, then climbed onto the Demon's back to sit.

"Manners," the six year old said.

The contract was simple. The demon would never impregnate an unwilling body, and in exchange Constantine would abandon his own firstborn son.

"It doesn't stipulate I've been abandoned to you," Danny said. "Just that oh father dearest has abandoned me, which he has fulfilled quite throughly."

Danny was amused, honestly. What a way to find out who his new father is!

"You have no power here," Danny said. "Leave."

And the demon did.

Part 2

John Constantine was a Hero, at least legally. It was all in the details, Danny found, when it came to Constantine.

Constantine was a magic adjacent detective. He knew enough about magic, about the various different realms and beings of authority or power and he found ways to make it all work in his favor during cases he was involved in.

Danny followed his father's trail of magical ruin across Europe, to the States of America, to Mexico then all the way up to Canada. Along the way, he fought Demons, witches, and other magical beings that owned a fraction of Constantine's soul.

Danny was twelve when one such being came to him instead.

"So you're Constantine's brat," the foul smelling being said.

Danny wracked his brain for what kind of being this was. He'd learnt a lot in the past six years. Angels, Demons, ghosts, and zombies, honestly this world was so exciting to live in.

"What's it to you?" Dannyy asked, twirling his spoon in his hot chocolate.

"Your father sold you to me,"

"Hmm, Contract or it didn't happen,"

The being, Danny was guessing angel but the smell was throwing him off. Maybe a hybrid? Which angel would fuck a demon though? The being pulled out the contract, which Danny took his time to read.

If he learned one thing from his father, it was that wording met everything in these contracts.

"Ah, see here," Danny said, tapping the contract. "Father sold you the innocent soul of his first born child, and wouldn't you fucking guess, I am his first born child all right, butt I ain't some shitty innocent, you should check your fucking assumptions asshole-"

Danny watched the contract dissolve before his eyes, invalid. The first born isn't innocent after all.

The being was seething. Danny scooped up some marshmallows and fudge, giving the poor being a sympathetic face. "Oh dear, isn't that too bad,"

"You will pay for this, Constantine junior,"

"That's what they all say," Danny rolled his eyes.

Danny watched them leave, noting the dark black feathers of his uninvited guest. A disgraced angel? Fallen angel? What was the correct term anyway? He supposed he'd be raiding his father's house of mystery again.

Danny left a ten dollar bill on the counter before he left the restaurant. He'd save research for later, what Danny really wanted to know was what Constantine was doing in Gotham. It sounded fun!

[People to be tagged will go here]

I just had the image of Danny, sitting in a chair, pointing his lollipop at the new supernatural creature that has come for his soul, looking incredibly superior and condescending, laughing at these poor assholes who think they have some power over him.

Before Bruce revealed his identity

He stated in a game of truth or dare that he has slept with a least one person in the Justice League before finally extracting himself from the stupid game.

The League promptly lost their collective shit.

“Was it you?!?”

“Why in earth’s name would it be me Hal? I have a wife.”

“That don’t mean nothing-“

Arthur’s twitches,

“Are you trying to imply-“

“I’m saying threesomes are a thing!”

Hal whirled around as Barry snickered,

“You’re really laying it on pretty thick Hal.”

“What?”

“I’m just saying that there’s nothing to be ashamed about it, he’s probably really handsome!”

Hal cringed as if he was poked with a hot skillet,

“No way in hell. No, Barry. I swear if you got your dick wet with spooky-“

“No! I said probably! There’s -“

~~~~~~

It was complete war.

Friendships meant nothing, everyone had a several different ideas on who it was.

Then Barry happened to point out the fact that Bats had stated “at least one”.

All bets were off.

Batman said at least one, but Batman is also Bruce "playboy" Wayne and how funny it would be if he slept with all of them.

Anonymous asked:

double penetration?

Anon I have 0 idea what post in particular this was sent for but I can PROMISE you that on this blog every DP post means Danny Phantom and nothing else

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When you are using the translator this is how the letters DP are translated, the first time I saw it I almost died