My coworker Mike just started cracking up. Informed us someone was trying to make a test Outlook group at work and seems to have accidentally made it a real Outlook group.

Everyone added to the group is named Mike.

Creator of the group isn’t online yet but the Mikes are coming online in droves.

“Why was I added to this group? What do I have in common with all these other Mikes?” -one of the Mikes

“Ah, so this is Mikerosoft” (<- you’re never gonna guess what company I work for)

A different take on the Prophesied Ghost King post I saw.

The Justice League Dark knows of a prophecy which says the Ghost King will come into being a certain time, at a certain place. After doing the math, the JLD finds the time & place (give or take a few weeks/kilometers). They find Amity Park and go look for this future Ghost King, hoping to guide him/her into being a benevolent God.

The issue? They think "the Ghost King coming into being" means being born, so they're looking for a baby!

Meanwhile Phantom, after having defeated Pariah Dark a few weeks ago, is quite miffed that it took an interdimensional invasion for the Justice League to finally check up on Amity Park. Even took their sweet time!

A few weeks ago I tried explaining to my non tumblr friends what blorbo/eeby deeby/glup shitto/scrunglo/plinko was and it almost gave all of us an aneurysm

This was the post I was trying to explain. This was how I looked

Yeah I can see how this would feel like having a stroke to an outsider

Okay, I understand like 2 terms there, if someone explains it to me, I'd appreciate it.

Humans are weird

Have yall noticed how we somehow have strange aversions towards lights?? Like maybe not all of us, but we kind of know that if someone is sitting in the dark, you either leave them or join them. Like last night, I walked into class and there was just one guy there and the lights were off so i just sat down, 30 minutes later everyone else was in and the lights were still off. Only turned it on when the professor came in...

So like imagine aliens finding us huddled in a dark room, with our phones and what-nots, silently laughing at something we read, maybe there are other aliens with us who doesn’t really like light but we don't know that cus it's dark and also we didn't bother to check. Then one crewmate just turns on the lights and we all collectively hiss like a vampire or hide like bugs, so they just turn it back off and stumble blindly into the room until they find—feel through whatever they came for and leaves. No one ever mentions it.

Gotham city memes once again

Happy pride month everyone!!!❤️🌈❤️🌈❤️🐈‍⬛

Humans aren’t poisonous

It was another canteen argument at the spaceport. This time it was about the new species, the humans.

“I hear they are poisonous. That is why they do not come near and why they cover their skin, so they do not harm others.”

“I heard the clothes are about clan allegiances and you know who they follow from their colours.”

“I thought it was which Gods they follow.”

“No, it is poison.”

The argument had various creatures involved, they were from a crew whose Captain prided themselves on picking as many species as possible to work for them, and who was already attempting to entice a human onboard.

There were so many conflicting stories about the humans. They looked harmless, unarmoured, no claws to speak of, they were not even especially big although further rumour was that they were incredibly strong for their size. But, when the Dran attacked them no one could have predicted how easily the humans sent the dangerous imperialists fleeing back to their home world. How did they do it? No one quite knew.

“They are poisonous. How else did they kill everyone on the Helin outpost without any weapons? With only on scout ship.”

There was a snort from the hooded figure at the bar. “Humans aren’t poisonous, trust me, I should know.”

“I learned that from the team who investigated the outpost. I know.”

The hood was lowered to reveal a human with short brown hair and a frighteningly toothy smile. “My knowledge is a little more first hand than yours. We aren’t poisonous.” He reached in and patted the speaker’s lower mandible, laughing as it recoiled from his touch. “You’ll be fine.”

“If you are not poisonous, how did you do it? They were clearly poisoned by something horrific, a biological agent that the investigators swore was somehow alive.”

The human licked his lips. “I said we aren’t poisonous, I wasn’t lying.”

“So you’re defenceless.” The insectoid being stood. It was angry at being touched by a soft fleshy creature, it felt dirty.

“Nope. I’m human, I’m never defenceless.”

“It would be so easy to defeat you in combat.” It loomed over the human. “Why is it you do not cower? How do you kill your enemies?”

“You wanna become my enemy and find out?”

“Johnson!” The sharp snap from the across the room made everyone freeze.

The human sighed, his eyes dropping. “Sir.”

“Back off, right now.” This barked order came from a Subeco warrior in the uniform of a merchant vessel.

Johnson grumbled. “Seriously?”

“I don’t want another incident, stop baiting people.”

“He called me defenceless.”

“And that is not a capital offence. I have found a trader who has a pallet of what he claims is a human drink called Rum, I need you to help me check it.”

“Rum? It better be dark rum, I don’t want any of that Bacardi shit.” Johnson forgot the insectoid to the lure of alcohol, striding to the door.

“Subeco.” the insectoid was not so quickly put off. It respected the Subeco, they were fine warriors, proven in eons of battle across the galaxy. “What do you know of humans? How are they so dangerous?”

The Subeco’s head wobbled from side to side as they considered their answer. “They are extremely vindictive with tools and masters of improvised weapons, but mostly they kill their enemies slowly.”

“So they are poisonous.”

“No not poisonous, but they are venomous.”

The entire room’s attention was fixed on the Subeco in a moment.

There was a sneer from the warrior who knew one of their best guards was a human with a short temper. It was useful to make sure people were scared of him. “Their fluids are all toxic to some extent, but their saliva is laced with micro-organisms, viruses and bacteria. Death by human is slow and excruciating.”

“I’ll be sure to never let one bite me.” the insectoid was not impressed.

“Bite?” the Sebeco laughed, copying the noise used by humans that was so off putting. “If Johnson wanted you dead he would have stayed at the bar and spat into one of your eyes. My survival tip for dealing with humans is be more useful alive than dead or stay out of range.”

“What is their range?”

The Subeco looked at Johnson before turning back to the insectoid. “If you have to ask that question, you’re too close. Enjoy your drinks, gentle-beings.”

Now I want an enemies to lovers between the insectoid and Johnson

Another AO3 thing I’m curious about, how do yall decide if something is good enough to read? Usually I follow a rule of 1 kudos for every 10 hits. One because it’s easy math and two it’s yet to fail me. Thoughts? Do you just go for it and pray it’s good?

folks, don't do this one. do not look at kudos count. do not look at comment count. do not look at hits. you read the summary and see if it sounds like your cuppa. multi-chapter fics in particular suffer a lot from inflated hit counts because loyal fans will show up for every chapter, but only get one kudos apiece. literally just read the write-up and if it's bad, you'll know within a minute of clicking on it. give new works and chaptered works a shot

I literally only look at the main couple and the summary, I don't even look at the tags, let it be a surprise

the difference in tone between (a)sync and mutagenicity like

minato: she's NOT a gremlin woman, she's clever and funny and brave and strong, and YES maybe she did some wrong things, but who among us hasn't--

itachi: she's the worst woman i know and she repels others. that's why we're dating

time loop fans when the loop slightly changes

time loop fans when the loop changes slightly

time loop fans when the loop is slightly changed

time loop fans when the loop is changed slightly

timeloop fans when a slight change is made to the loop

@official-time-loop-posts

Humans are Space Orcs “Facial Expressions”

https://www.patreon.com/empyreaniris?fan_landing=true

https://starr-fall-knight-rise.tumblr.com/post/182501791735/master-post

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jzEIdDAB4omdO2JcQVMObfrhLJ5kX4ONmSsLypM1ks0/edit?usp=sharing.\

“Why are we even here?”

At the front of the room, The Grizzled Tesraki Bridge officer took his seat. One of his ears was partially mangled, and his dark Ochre fur stuck up in strange places only adding to his grizzled appearance.

In the front row, the young Tesraki that had spoken tapped a foot impatiently against the floor.

Seguir leyendo

You talked about The Fake Smile, but you didn't talk about the evil smile, so to speak. People may be smiling, they may be crinkling their eyes, but there is something about the way they look at you, the way they tilt their head, that while it may not seem strange simply says I am going to destroy you in an incredibly painful and painful way. I'm going to enjoy it immensely.

“Is it true that your kind can see things the hard sciences have trouble grasping in mathematical form?”

“Yes”, the alien said, curiously picking at parts of a long metallic device he was holding. The thing connected to the ground, firmly and gently holding its owner with a bright pink cord. “Although, I wouldn’t describe the spiritual world as ‘a thing the hard sciences have trouble with’. We have quite the theorems for that”.

“It makes sense”, the other alien answered, before not so politely pointing at the human. “And what does our prisoner have over there?”

The human lifted his head up, determined eyes staring back. He Who Could See The Kind shook his head, not looking into their prisoner.

“A perfectly normal, if not weirdly discreet, soul. Nothing extraordinary”.

The captain was not satisfied. She grumbled, her soul signaling sharp redish ends with anger. The Seer dared to take another glance at the human, before once again cowering his own vision.

“Describe me what ‘perfectly normal’ means for a human”, she challenged him to continue.

“You see”, he continued, nervously looking at an empty spot besides the prisoner. “You all have some colours around you, that change with your minds. Humans do have it, but it’s smaller. Just some faint lines - if the room had more lights, I would have trouble seeing it. There’s, uhm, some shades of violet and blue - pretty colors, normal for humans -, and sometimes a spark here and there, because it wants to escape the vessel, obviously…”

“Escape?”

“Yes, ma’am. All human souls desire to leave their vessels”.

“Bodies, is the word you’re looking for”.

“Vessel is the better term for humans”, the Seer corrected. “It’s, uhm, quite improper for my kind to use ‘body’ as a replacement for ‘vessel’, ma’am. And…”

Another look. The human kept staring, even with such fragile vessel.

“I, uh, have to apologise. It’s hard to stare at the eyes - predator eyes, you see, and the sparks from the soul come in full force out of there. Doesn’t bring good memories to us. But, uhm…”

The Seer firmly grabbed his mobility device, more anxious than ever.

“May the Lights protect me, and here let it be noticed that I shall not invite evil into this ship, but… U-uhm… T…”

“Oh, please, speak for once!”

The Captain slammed the table; the Seer trembled, more horrified than ever before.

“T-there’s something else alongside the human! Something that shall never have a vessel, hopefully! It’s - I don’t want to look at it! It’s crude, a dark shade, a pure being of shadow! All it wants is to receive an invite to be free to torment this ship and its inhabitants, especially that human! If any of you welcome it in here, I’m out!”

Silence from the Seer; the Captain crooked a sound from her mouth, satisfied with the amount of information she could gather. With eyes flaming with fury, she looked back at the prisoner.

“I thought you said no one was here with you, earthling”.

“I don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about”, the humans responded with a snarl. “I don’t see anyone in here. And if there is anyone in here, then fuck off, you too!”

“Don’t talk with it!”, the Seer responded, horrified. “It might perceive it as an invite!”

“Invite to what, possess me? Since when did ‘fuck off you too’ is perceived as an invite?!”

The Seer covered his face by that point, feeling as the entity swirled with satisfaction at the conflict. The human, however, only grew with distaste.

“If you two think that a ‘demon’ or whatever is following me, good fucking luck talking with it withou the ouija board! Me and Kyle broke it days before you arrived!”

No sounds came from the crew of pirates.

The human blinked at the Captain, making an angry expression, maybe getting ready to spit on her face.

The Seer crudely grabbed the handles of his mobility device, before gathering courage to talk with the horrified Captain:

“T-that’s what I was going to tell you, Captain. Humans play with the Other Side all the time for the fun of it”.

“You… You did not tell me they could see those things, Seer”.

“They can’t!”

“And they play with it?!”

The Captain got up from her chair, covered in the darkest of the purples of horror. The Seer could say the same for himself, millions of years of survival instincts immediately kicking in, one at a time and right after the other.

The creature - whatever it was - that wanted desperately to torment the human seemed to chuckle. The prisoner, however, was unfazed, disconnected from those horrors. The Seer could tell his lack of belief was what was protecting him from any attempts at communication.

With a sigh, he figure he could not do much. Not when he was another prisoner to the Captain’s ship. He could, however, make her regret the greed. Uncaringly, the said the reason all humans would later be kicked out of the ship:

“All the time, Captain”.

Alien: I don't understand how you are still alive with this terrifying being stalking you Human: what being are you talking about? Extraterrestrial: that spirit that follows you everywhere and torments your dreams, that wakes you up in the middle of the night and delights in your terror Human: you mean the demon of sleep paralysis? Alien: is that what they call him? Is that very normal for you? Human: not exactly strange Alien: And how long has this one been with you? Human: years Alien: years? impossible!!! How could you have survived for years? Human: woke up terrified in the middle of the morning, I see this creature, I go back to sleep, I wake up again, I had a cup of coffee and that's it Alien: *noises of existential horror*

Humans are space orcs/Earth is a deathworld concept I haven’t seen brought up yet:

On earth, there is no such thing as a true herbivore. As far as I know, every animal will eat meat if given the chance. Hares have been known to scavenge dead animal carcasses in the winter, when food is scarce. Wild sheep and deer will eat grouse and seabird chicks to supplement their diet. A couple years ago there were videos going around of horses eating live birds. I won’t link it, but you can look it up on youtube if you want.

The point is, every animal on earth is an omnivore if they’re hungry enough or lacking certain minerals in their diet. Even if they aren’t built for it, herbivores will eat meat to survive.

I wonder if that makes us unique. Imagine an alien race invading earth, only to be horrified by what they find. Mice killing and eating their own young. Domesticated cows eating carrion. Seemingly docile species becoming engulfed in bloodlust. I wonder if this is the reason earth was written off as a deathworld, because everything on it is able and willing to eat other animals alive.

So I just saw a post by a random personal blog that said “don’t follow me if we never even had a conversation before” and?????? Not to be rude but literally what the fuck??????????

I’ve had people (non-pornbots) try to strike conversation out of nowhere in my DMs recently, and now I’m wondering if they were doing that because they wanted to follow me and thought they needed to interact first. I feel compelled to say, just in case, that it’s totally okay to follow this blog (or my side blog, for that matter) even if we’ve never talked before.

Also, I’m legit confused. Is this how follow culture works right now? It was worded like it’s common sense but is that really a thing?

Saw a sharp increase in my follower count after posting this. The legitimacy of it is driving me nuts so I also feel the need to say that you can follow anyone on here regardless of whether you’ve interacted with them or not. People like the above mentioned blog are exceptions. Perhaps they themselves think they aren’t and therefore will act like they aren’t, but they are, trust me.

Just follow anyone you wanna follow. The worst thing that can happen is maybe getting soft-blocked by the other person, but if they do soft-block you, then they were never that worth following in the first place.

people with siblings: how do you feel about them?

Have you ever seen a movie where a woman's husband dies "mysteriously in an accident" and she just shows up and opens up to the police in one of those gauzy, diva-like robes and laments what she's going to do now with all the wealth and also the life insurance of her beloved dead husband.

Yes, in this case I am the widow devastated by the tragic death of my brother while I am left with all his things.

The reactions

There's something quite charming about relatively small objects that are way heavier than they look. ooohh you're one dense little freak aren't you