Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
Guys. Guys. Calculating tips. Just. Look at your bill. And move the decimal point one step left. That’s ten percent. Double that number. Now it’s twenty percent.
$100.00 bill? $10.000. Ten dollars. Double it. Twenty dollars. That’s a 20% tip.
$67.50? Now it’s $6.750. $6.75? Might as well be $7. Double it. Roughly $14. You’re not going to miss the change.
Please. I failed math three times
tom-marvolo-dildo
FLAWLESS
the-procrastinatingfangirl
FUCKING THANK YOU this is literally the ONLY math lesson my dad taught me and it wasn’t even for tipping but it’s so EASY
#Yup#this is what I do every time#literally takes no time even if you're a little out of it#and if you're at a salon or somewhere that the base tip should be 30?#same thing#move the decimal point to the left but now round and triple instead of double#$78 service becomes $7.80 which becomes $8 x 3 = $24
not to sound like your dad but if your not having a great time rn you might legitimately be playing too many video games or being on that damn phone too often, or at least without any necessary activity buffers
may i suggest coloring with physical materials? or some chores you’ve been putting off? hell go outside with a bucket and make mud soup like you’re five again. take a break. you can bring your whatever for music and stuff but like don’t play with it
lots of huffy teenagers in the notes
i mean this, after spending so long getting my entertainment online, theres something incredibly tranquil about shutting it all out for a while to do something in meatspace for myself
—Superman, Superman and Lois, “Last Sons of Krypton”
#Season one of this show wasn't perfect#but it had such a nice little arc to it#and a couple nice thesis statements to ground it#and it pulled itself together in the end to make this point#it was lovely#and season 3... did not#also season 3 felt like a lot of first draft dialogue that should've been worked on#and also the plotting was a disaster#season 2 and 3 have the worst plot and lack timeline control#so much telling instead of showing#and giving Lois cancer so EVERY EPISODE had such a somber mood to it#and almost every episode STARTED with 'well this is how shitty Lois is feeling this week'#and then they brought in a really dark and hyper violent Lex Luthor at the end#it's so unbalanced and I fear the season 4 retooling will make it feel way too Synderverse dark#god I hated that finale so much#when I'm not even enjoying Clark and Lois something is wrong
seeing everyone just mindlessly sign up for threads despite all the clear warning signs feels like I’m living in Sailor Moon or a magical girl anime episode where the Monster of the Day just set up shop over night and their product is literally draining your lifeforce for the Dark Kingdom but people keep going there
Anonymous asked:
The problem with working in a morgue, funeral home etc is that if you die you still have to go to work
this shouldn't be as funny as it is but something about the combination of dad jokes and morbid humor hit me like a sack of bricks
Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan Encino Man (1992) dir. Les Mayfield
butchexboyfriend-deactivated202
a lesbian can call themself a boy or even a man or a boyfriend without actually being a man. That's just how funky our genders are. Cope
#and I'll insist that cis male lesbians are a thing as well#I'm talking like Chris Pine and Pedro Pascal#Pedro Pascal is so culturally a lesbian you can't fight me on this#Sarah Paulson has influenced his personality too much#look at him on Graham Norton with Helen Mirren#and tell me that's not learned behavior from Sarah Paulson
they should invent a mother who is normal and says normal things and has normal interactions with her child
Paz: “Look this shiny guy is a piece of shit. And his kid is weird. And don’t even get me started on this princess bitch. But this guy.. he’s MY piece of shit. And this kid is one of us even tho idk how his weird ass ears are gonna go in a helmet. And this princess.. man i just gave up on my kid and she was like nah bruh let’s climb this mountain.. So let’s fucking go kill some pirates. This is the way.”
THE X-FILES (1993-2018) - 7.16 • “Chimera”
#'we just work together#I depend on her for everything#and we're actively trying to conceive a child together at the moment#but it's not like we LIVE together or anything#not currently at least#I mean I'm going to go on the run after the baby's born#but eventually we will be living together for a bit#like one weird theatrical release film will have us living together#but then our reboot series will probably have us living separately again#she needs her space sometimes it's fair'
din djarin: if droids have a million haters, then i am one of them. if droids have ten haters, then i am one of them. if droids have only one hater, then that is me. if droids have no haters, then that means i am no longer alive. if the galaxy is against droids, then i am the galaxy.
tumblr added another secret feature. if you make a post and just type "gullible", it turns it into a different message. tell me which one you got!
gullible!!
this is so fucked up how could you do this to me op
no no you just have to do the word by itself without any punctuation!
gullible
NOT ONCE BUT TWICE I AM BETRAYED IM LIKE IF CEASER WAS A LESBIAN
Photos of David Tennant at the Olivier awards in London last night
i think a lot of the magic of this shithole website actually comes from the fact that the search feature is completely useless… like the fact that you quite literally cannot search for a post even if you type it in word for word means that all the classic, beloved, and infamous posts are these ephemeral things that only come around every so often and can only be found organically when they happen to make it to your dash like a flock of rare migratory birds
*types exact wording of a post*
search function:
buckley-robin
First look at Xolo Maridueña as Jaime Reyes / Blue Beetle in BLUE BEETLE (2023) dir. Angel Manuel Soto
#I'm still salty about the uber driver last summer#that made it so I was still in line for TSA when boarding started for my flight#she was 20 minutes late picking me up#missed the interstate TWICE#got on the tollway GOING THE WRONG WAY#and drove 45 mph despite there being no traffic#I think I gave her only a 10% tip and I felt horrible about it#but I legit had an asthma attack#trying to run to my gate in a mask with a 40 lb backpack on
had this vision of Batman full-naming his kids, but he has to preserve the secret identities
this is how you get bat-approval btw
by popular demand, here's the others
i started drawing this right after posting, but people in the notes have been brainstorming some amazing name ideas too lmao
now let me see if i can find some of the people who asked
<3