If I had been born a boy would you guys love me more? Would you have dotted on me? Could I have been your favorite? Would you guys treat me better?
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i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.
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Honestly, I thought I would be dead by now.
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timbllr
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The empty feeling is back
but then I wonder
did it really ever left?
Why does this dark hole in my heart reside? Will this emptiness I feel ever subside? Will this body ever know home? Or will I always be alone?
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When my therapist opened my eyes to this happening to me and my siblings for our ENTIRE lives, my world fractured.
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I hate feeling stuck...hated one minute, and being petted and "loved" the next. I'm so confused.
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I am so tired. So goddamn tired. I cannot wait for the day I move out. I shall feel no guilt for leaving this “family” behind. And I will not ever listen to anyones bullshit about how they love me deep down and I must love them deep down. Or how they are not bad people. I do not care anymore. They are toxic for me. That is it. I have bothered about them my whole life and because of it I have not really lived a single day. I will never waste the freedom I finally get by looking back. When I go away to university I will be free. Finally. And I will be damned if I waste that as well because of them.
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You’ll never care about what you’ve done to us.
It’s all fake, all of it.
Why do I still call you?
Why?!
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Just because someone says "I love you" or "we're family" doesn't give them the right to treat me like trash. Nor does it erase the damage done.
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So, apparently creating fake scenarios in my head where I am kicked out and taken in by another family, a friend or a teacher I admire to get away from my mother is in fact, not healthy.
Who'd have thought, huh.
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i love children, i love being there for them & fulfilling their everyday needs to help them develop the healthiest way possible but it’s unfortunate that i’m too scared to have my own bc i don’t want to mirror what my mom & dad did to me.
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From the poem to the one who hurt me: by Shelby Leigh.
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Shitty parents say shit like “grow up”, “act your age”, “stop acting like a kid” and then treat you and control you the exact same way they did when you were 11.
You can’t seriously expect me to act like an adult when you control every aspect of my life in the same way you always have. Start off by treating me like an adult, then maybe I’ll learn to act like one.
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Team mother with anger issues and father that bottles up emotion until he explodes where you at? 😀🤚
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Me: *looks at my family*
Me: Wow, what a therapist's dream
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You didn’t just put me down
you made me put myself down