Titillation Is The Goal

Hi. So this is massively awkward, but I seem to remember a post saying you were ok with questions about sex and such if our schools weren't covering them properly? (As I live with only my dad I really don't have anyone else to ask.) So. Um. Is sex actually, like, good for girls? And how does masturbation work on the female side of things? And for the love of god, will someone please tell me what you're supposed to do if you get your period in public? Gah, this is awkward. Sorry. Anyway. Thanks.

I’m absolutely okay with it and will do my best to answer!  Let me break down your questions. [caveat: my comments pertain to cis women, because the nonnie has indicated that she is one]

Is sex good for girls?  Oh god, this makes me want to cry for the state of sex ed in this country.  We talk about the mechanics (maybe) and everybody knows that guys want it and have orgasms but nobody talks about FEMALE PLEASURE.  Yes, sex is good for girls.  It SHOULD BE good for girls.  Even the first time, if you engage in enough foreplay and get nice and well lubricated (use lubricants if you like), it shouldn’t hurt.  

But here’s something that may blow your mind:  SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT OF WOMEN CANNOT CLIMAX FROM PENIS-IN-VAGINA INTERCOURSE.  Did you hear me?  Lemme say it again:

THREE-QUARTERS OF WOMEN CAN’T COME JUST FROM BEING FUCKED.

Guys, society in general, and porn want to make you think that you should be able to come just from being fucked.  But here’s the thing - the pleasure center of the female body is the clitoris.  Which IS NOT IN THE VAGINA.  It’s several centimeters away.  Penile thrusting and friction does stimulate the root of the clit (which is way up inside, the bit you see is just the end part, the shaft is internal) but the vast majority of women require some direct clitoral stimulation to come.  THIS IS OKAY AND TOTES NORMAL and any sex partner who makes you feel inadequate or broken because you can’t come from getting fucked is WRONG.  

Finding out what works for YOU is the most important part of sex.  Talking with your partner about what works for both of you and how you can get there together is super important.  A common strategy for het sex (you didn’t say if you were straight, but sort of implied it, so I’m going to go with it) is for the guy to get the girl off first (or help her get herself off) either through oral or manual stimulation, or with toys, or however else she likes it, THEN once she’s gotten off, he can fuck you and get himself off.  This works pretty well.  Also, simultaneous orgasms are bullshit.

As for masturbation, well, it works lots of ways!  Again, it’s about finding out what works for you.  Many women use direct clitoral stimulation with fingers (usually a rubbing or circling motion is effective), or with a vibrating finger or something.  Many women use a dildo or vibrator or other penetrating toy.  But you don’t necessarily need a toy to jerk off.  Some women like to imagine sexy stuff, some like reading erotic stuff while wanking, some like to watch visual erotic material.  What works for me might not work for you - experiment, and find out what your body likes.

And if you get your period in public?  Honey, it’s happened to us all.  I carry an Emergency Pad (tampon, if you prefer) in my purse and I keep one in my desk at work.  Be sure you’re tracking your periods (use a paper journal, or there are lots of apps for that) so you will have an idea of when it’s coming (if you’re regular) and you can be better prepared.

But there isn’t a one of us period-having types who hasn’t walked around with a jacket tied around her waist.