Forgive me.

only if you forgive me

His world now

HEY YOU

YOURE FINALLY AWAKE

Oh sweet Jesus.

i am so sorry for this

Where the FUCK is he?

i opened my phone to a notification that said "You have a new memory!" and the video was just this

public should absolutely be free

all public transport should absolutely be free

someone do this to my brain

I feel like maybe we’ve been underestimating Italy’s sense of humor. 

until I unlocked the ability to eat with full health I just ran around letting people beat me up a bit so I could eat more noodles and hamburgers

Oh in Yakuza I just figured you were out there living your worst life.

domestic sweetness!!!! getting groceries together, buying home decor together??? making traditions??? cooking dinner while badly singing along to the radio??? making each other breakfast in bed??? leaving notes around the house for each other??? i’m so soft,,,,

I will reblog this until the stars burn out……

white people are very brave when it comes to terrorizing black children who do not have the power to fight back. and are very surprise when someone comes to their defense.

I will reblog until I die.

Please can someone post the story to this.

@boyomeetsworld

oh? my god

look at tony holding his little Cuck Goblet while thor’s entire pussy pops loud enough to break the sound barrier next to him. we do stan. 

This is the only marvel post I will ever reblog it’s making me go insane

you absolutely love to see it*

*Christopher Columbus's decapitated head lying on the ground

I genuinely thought this was another weird tumblr add

how dull for you to live your life without any hills to die on, you, on your vast flat barren plains of compromise, acceptance, and accommodation, while I reign supreme over the lush, rolling highlands of stupid shit I have irrationally chosen to stake my entire identity on

….as someone who was terrified of having their own opinion, this is truly inspiring

the hills are alive with all the fucks i give on select topics

one of my favorite (read: least favorite) things about how people treat cleopatra is she’s so often called a slut or is only ever portrayed as being this incredibly sexy, often scantily-clad seductress, when in actuality 1. while some ancient sources describe her as somewhat pretty, it generally seems that what was attractive about her was her intellect, charm, and voice, and the sources that refer to her as extremely sexy/slutty are specifically out to condem her, 2. she was a brilliant politician who chose her affairs as a way of securing power for her country and not just so she could have a bunch of sex (which shouldn’t be an issue anyway), and 3. one of the men she had an affair with was mark antony, ancient roman super slut supreme, a man known for his love of sex and tendency to wear extremely short tunics for the sake of showing off his sexy legs/probably also his dick

i’m not saying there’s anything wrong with portraying cleopatra as beautiful or even sexy, because she clearly had allure. all i’m saying is that, if your cleopatra is wearing less clothing than your mark antony, there’s probably a problem in your depiction of them

i’ve cracked the code,

(source)

sorry the what? the what moray

scientist: let’s call you the… goldentail

banana eel: [bites scientist]

scientist: Okay motherfucker, new idea:

Every time this post comes around I’m too busy to tell this story so I’m gonna do it now: when I learned to scuba dive, there was a dude in my dive group named Dumbass Dave who was always being relentlessly roasted by his buddies because when they went to the Great Barrier Reef he brought a baggie of hard boiled egg down with him because he wanted to find a moray eel and feed it and pet it

Well he found a moray and attempted to hand feed it, and it snapped up the egg and bit the shit out of his right hand in the process and the dive had to be halted so the blood wouldn’t attract sharks. But was this enough punishment for Dumbass Dave? No it was not, because he had a Plan

Dumbass Dave’s plan turned out to be a chainmail glove. Where he obtained it has been lost to time, but he put it on his right, injured hand and down they went, whereupon Dave found himself another moray and tried to feed it some hardboiled egg

With his left hand

And yes it did bite the shit out of him and they did have to cancel the dive, again

So I guess the moral of that story is maybe eels aren’t bastards, maybe they just meet a lot of people like Dave

I reminded my scuba instructor of this story and he wanted me to amend the post to let everyone know that it was the same eel who bit Dumbass Dave both times

Help, my girlfriend calls Red Dead Redemption “Redededemption” and also insists that that’s the name of the main character

her mind is far more advanced than yours will ever be