You didn’t do anything to deserve your trauma. Even if you ignored red flags or anything like that. You didn’t deserve your trauma.

Knowing your alters and knowing who you are is important, but it shouldn't be treated like this ultimately important thing to a point that it consumes you. Knowing who you are knowing your alters are is a process that can take a long time, and you learn more and more about yourselves - just like singlets do - as your life goes on. But knowing who you are and knowing your alters should not consume you/your life. Yes, knowing your alters is important and helpful - of course people with DID NEED to know who their alters are as a part of recovery, but I'm saying that it shouldn't be all-consuming. It is impossible and unrealistic to expect to know who you are at all times.

Literally all I do is go "yeah, when I said that/felt that way/etc., that was a different alter, because I don't feel that way anymore/etc.", stuff like that. I cannot figure us out/we can't figure ourselves out and we can't even put labels as acknowledgement because we are completely unable to determine which behaviors, feelings, etc. belong to which alters. All I can do is acknowledge "that is a different alter than whoever I am now" and acknowledge that those feelings and such are real and are held by different parts.

actually people do not have a moral obligation to 'recover'. they have a moral obligation to do their best not to inflict harm on others. these are two distinct but sometimes overlapping concepts.

When you're tired, stressed, burned out, depressed, or just busy, figuring out how to feed yourself multiple times a day can take more energy than you have to give. Here's a resource I've been leaning on lately so that feeding myself is easier. I've never been a meal prepper because I don't like eating leftovers over and over, and taping a written list of snack ideas to the pantry hasn't worked for me in the past. When I tried a visual method by saving a folder of photos on my phone, something clicked. I'm a visual person---of course I would benefit from seeing a personal menu of food in my own kitchen! (I haven't tried it, but I imagine a visual menu would work for kids too.) Right now, my menu has a lot of appetizer-type finger foods on it because that's what sounds good and doesn't take long to make or reheat. Maybe I'll change my menu out seasonally like a restaurant... Anyway, I hope this sparks an idea for you if deciding what food to make is a struggle. If not this method exactly, experiment and see what makes the task easier for you! I'm all for saving energy on daily, routine tasks so that I can spend it where it's really important.

It doesn’t need to be conventional to be helpful.

You have options. I promise you, you have options. Even if you blow up your whole life, change your name and train hop half way across the country- you still have options. So long as you are alive you have choices and chances. If you can’t see them, ask someone else. Ask a stranger or someone who loves you. Anyone not in your situation will have different a perspective. Stay safe and stay alive.

the right person gonna show you that you wasn’t even asking for too much

A lot of people get hung up on whether their reactions to trauma are good or bad. It is valid to want to know, but morality is not objective. It may be more helpful to instead think about whether your reaction is helpful or unhelpful and whether it will help you meet your long and short term needs.

y'know what? fuck it! shout out to all my fellow "stereotypes!"

shoutout to my fellow autists who do feel like a kid in an adult’s body because their mind works differently. shoutout to my fellow systems who have alters that lash out, and/or alters of fictives from popular media. shoutout to my fellow bpd folks who get clingy and have abandonment issues. shoutout to the autists who act "robotic" and love trains or dinosaurs. shoutout to the people with OCD/OCPD who do get obsessions with cleanliness and orderliness, who do wash their hands over and over, who do lock and unlock the doors a specific number of times. shoutout to the people struggling with intrusive thoughts that do get the violent ones and the sexual ones, not just the self-injurious ones.

shoutout to my fellow flamboyant gays. shoutout to the lesbians who wear flannel and have buzzcuts. shoutout to the aces who like space and cake and dragons. shoutout to the aces who are stoic and don't have an interest in bonding with people even non-romantically. shoutout to the nbs with neopronouns and names like "star." shoutout to the queers(or otherwise lgbt+ folk if you don't use that term for yourself) who have dyed and cut hair, wear a shitload of pronoun pins, wear a rainbow binder that can be seen, and love talking about how much they love being part of the community.

shoutout to my fellow activists who yell and get mad. shoutout to my fellow activists who bring up the problems in things, even if it means "always making it political." shoutout to the feminists who don't wear bras or shave, and don't get along with men.

shoutout to the men who struggle with emotions. shoutout to the men who love blue and camo and trucks and fixing things and sports and hunting. shoutout to the women who cry easily. shoutout to the women who take hours getting ready. shoutout to the women who love pink and shopping and shoes and cooking and taking care of kids and cleaning.

i'm very white so i'll summarize the next one: shoutout to all the BIPOC fitting into "stereotypes" as well. if anyone who is BIPOC wants to give specific shout outs, go for it!

to anyone who fits these or any other "stereotypes":

You are not a stereotype. You are a person with traits and qualities. You are not doing anything wrong by being true to yourself, whether that means fitting expectations or not.

Anyone who hates whatever group you are in for these "stereotypes" would hate your group regardless; anyone who accuses you of "giving your group a bad name" is deflecting the hate onto you because it's easier to pretend that it's nothing they are doing that gets that hatred; the truth is, bigots are bigots and they will always find a "reason" to be hateful. You trying to avoid "stereotypes" will never change that.

(do not fucking clown on this post. you will not get a debate from me, you will get blocked.)

“You are not a stereotype. You are a person with traits and qualities. You are not doing anything wrong by being true to yourself, whether that means fitting expectations or not.“

The Conversation about mental health posts goes in waves - from "it's ok to just do nothing for a while" and "self care is lying in bed with a cup of tea" to a hard backlash against that ("those posts were so damaging to me") and posts like "acually self care is cleaning your apartment," and there's lots of reasons for that --

i don't have a good conclusion here - just "nothing in excess," I suppose.

this is good

I’d just like to add, see how they behave when they’re angry/frustrated/exhausted, and if you see something that concerns you, wait until they’re calm, and then talk to them about it.

My husband used to yell when he got frustrated, but after I explained to him that I found it upsetting, he stopped yelling and started consciously working on asking for help before he got to that level of frustration.

When I’m upset over something, or just in a bad mood, I tend to withdraw. My husband explained to me that it makes him feel like I’m mad at him, so now when I need some space, I’ll tell him what I’m upset about, or that I’m in a bad mood for no particular reason, and I need to be alone for a little while.

See your friends and partners at their worst, but don’t assume that their worst is immutable. If someone loves and cares about you, they’ll try to accommodate you to the best of their ability.

^^^^ This is the best advice I’ve ever seen on this site, and it is so important. Communication is everything, and is 80% of the reason my husband and I have such a healthy, strong, and supportive relationship.

“ See your friends and partners at their worst, but don’t assume that their worst is immutable. If someone loves and cares about you, they’ll try to accommodate you to the best of their ability. “ When my parents were expecting their first child, they began building a very large model ship out of matchsticks. They did this as an exercise to strengthen their ability to be patient and deal with frustrations. A few years back my dad asked me why we use “intersex” now instead of “slur”. This year my mum asked me for tips on relating to someone who has BPD. People who are committed to self improvement will put the effort in, over and over again, for their entire lives. And that is a wonderful thing.

Rejection-sensitive or not, you have to accept when people say “no” and realize that people’s “no” is not about you. A boundary is never about you, it’s about that person’s sense of security. Do not make people’s personal limits a matter of targeted offence.

Not tryna to hijack the post as I 10000% agree

I just wanted to add some resources cuz I have ADHD and struggled (still struggle) with rejection-sensitive dysphoria and no one taught me how to deal with it, I had to learn on my own.

Here are some resources for those who struggle with it and want to get better about it.

For understanding RSD

ADDitude’s How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitivity

ADHD Jesse’s What Is RSD?

For coping with RSD

ADDitude Magazine’s How to Deal with Rejection: Coping with RSD and ADHD

How to ADHD’s How to Deal with Rejection Sensitivity

ADD.org’s Rejection Sensitivity: Managing Feelings of Overwhelm and Rejection as an Adult with ADHD

The Mighty’s 5 Practical Tips for Dealing with RSD

My personal tip: Tell yourself it’s not personal. Tell yourself it’s not an attack, that setting a boundary is not a slight directed at you. Say it out loud or write it down.

Thank you! I’m glad both the initial point and the addition helped some people, based on the tags I saw. Thank you for the addition ☀️