My Personal Camelot

For the first time in my life I finally got to have a therapy session and it actually felt so nice to be able to have the one on one talk about my feelings and explain my depression and anxiety episodes with a specialist and I finally felt not completely alone with managing it and it’s very nice! She recommended I consider Lexapro but I’ve never tried medication so I’m scared but also curious to see if it can genuinely help me feel less scared to go out and and feel less like I have to expend so much energy to do so. I’m honestly just happy I took my first brave step to helping myself.

Even if I am mostly alone, I can still feel, witness, and enjoy love. Whether through personal observation from consuming various medias such as anime or video game plots, or just thinking about and understanding the observable world around me; I know it’s there. The slight envy is undeniable but still, I do feel warmth in my heart to see other’s hearts be warm and their spirits glow with happiness and energy. It is okay if I am not meant to have my own genuine love. To at least someday accept myself fully and become a selfless person would be an honor in itself enough to make me happy. I’ve been so selfish constantly leaning on others for things such as validation or emotional support that I should understand my spoils and take this lonely position I’ve entered in my life and use it to grow into a much finer man. If I could be allowed one more selfish desire in this world, it would be to be remembered by someone as the one that made their life better and their reason to smile. Yes I’m writing this because I watched the Re:Zero second season finale and was inspired by the complete wholesomeness of it. I still mean what I’m saying. I just happen to take advantage of the warmth I felt and wanted to express it while it still lingered this simple evening.

PS: Phoenix Wright endings are also very wholesome and I’m always a sucker for happy endings