by far the funniest thing you can say immediately after winning the NBA finals

for those of you who don't follow basketball, this guy is the best player in the world right now

#you don't understand how completely devoted jokic is to racing horses#he's tried to quit basketball several times to commit full time to his horses#he doesn't even like playing basketball i don't think, he's just stupid good at it#he's counting down the days until he can retire to move back to serbia and work with his horses#his post retirement plans are becoming a 'trotting coach' his words @sayheykid​

#HOW TO DODGE NBA DRAFT

Top 10 anime betrayals of all time.

me: *covered in scratch marks* i am still a powerful and respectable wizard, you know

my imp krongus: *doubtfully* yes, my lord

me: i did eventually kill the mouse with a needle for a sword

krongus: it’s just that it was so close, my lord

Krongus believes that perhaps transforming into your beast form was not the best course of action against this very small mouse

it was a tactical wobble, i’ll admit it

the tags are KILLING me

Check out my ongoing comic Crow Time. It has crows, and also neat pantheons of epic beasties.

Concept: Magical Girl transformations but they work the same way as werewolf transformations—transmissible via biting.

I thought it was gonna be “Incredibly strenuous and painful”

Cómo picar a un italiano 🤌🏻

RATING: NOT CUTE!

that italian man is showing clear signs of distress. you can see his e-

EVERY fucking stupid liberals university in the star trek future their fucking student sketch comedy group OF COURSE has at least one Vulcan and it's like their thing where they're like "haha I bet you wouldn't expect a VULCAN in an IMPROV group!!!!!" as if this hasn't become such a fucking tired cliche like literally since 2063 every fucking comedy show has the token Vulcan to be the straight man. you're doing nothing. call me when you guys make an effort to actually include tellarites in the writing room instead of confining them to punch lines. and to be honest with you guys your Vulcan isn't even that good. his performance was highly derivative of T'min's work in the big bang theory 3 (the third big bang yheory. they make a lot of sitcom sequels in the future)

The last thing you said cannot be true because star trek is supposed to be a utopian future.

star trek is very demonstrably not a utopian future it's a broken society playing at paradise. we see hints of this earlier in the post when I mention university improv comedy groups

I'd like to formally thank the people of the UK and Ireland today for their rhyming prowess and forcing the Royal Mint to turn off replies to this tweet in RECORD time lmfao

And last but not least, the pièce de resistance that inspired about 90% of the hidden replies:

For anyone wondering, it was in fact meant to be "sovereign on a sovereign" 🤦

Ach no, give it to the Irish, they win

some kind of a moodboard

my dad always says "it's not trespassing if you're not planning to do anything bad" which as a legal argument wouldn't get far but as a moral prerogative is completely sound

officer i am literally just in a location

Good turt

Ohh dear God, the cute is hurting me

Family member for a generation or two

I love the look of young tortoises. They're a round that is so round it's beyond round

Tony Hawk’s Twitter is a gold mine honestly

We Stan this San Diego Man

this

C o m e d yy

Some recent gems:

And of course there’s

#where is race war tony hawk tweet thats my fav (via @laughingfish​)

I gotchu, bro:

i’m wheezgJmf stoP

Honestly every time this thread just makes me laugh. And new additions…excellent.

This Twitter account is funny.

trying to explain english to an italian

for anyone that’s having a bad day, here are pictures of animals sniffing flowers