captainsnoop-deactivated2020041
Instructions on Food: Cook 20-24 minutes.
Me: Using my Superior Intellect, I have deduced that the Optimal Cooking Time is precisely… 22 minutes.
why do some companies send whole emails just to say someone opened your resume. what use is this information to me. i opened a jug of orange juice this morning and i didnt feel the need to alert tropicana
sorry for accidentally phrasing this exactly like a seinfeld bit
Can't believe tomorrow is wednesday. What's next, tuesday?
- I am very tired
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An overgrown hedge partially blocks a sign so only the word “NO” is visible.
acidflapjacks
[image description: a sign on a gatepost has faded in the sun so that all it appears to say is ‘PLEASE. thank you’]
Doctors just did a test on me and said I don’t have any cells they don’t know what I’m made of but it’s not the same as you. They said I’m cooler too and more special
nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week
Happy 30-50 feral hogs day
classic scifi novels by men r always like. page 1 here’s a cool scifi idea i had. page 2 i hate women so much it’s unreal
cooking site, 10th paragraph of page titled “rustic pulled pork recipe”: my grandfather’s childhood was tough. every day he had to work the mines. he was only 6 months old when he held is first pickaxe. As he crawled into the mine elevator, just a little baby boy of one, he-
me, growing frantic: resippy
the immune system is such bs tbh. you are diseased so now we have to fill your lungs with gunk. oh no! oh no! oh no! theres gunk in your lungs! cough it up right now! still filling them up with more gunk btw
throwback to the time we had an ant problem but we couldn't find the source so every evening I would go in the kitchen and search for ants and smush them to death one by one until I started seeing them in my dreams at night
...anyway the guilt of the murder of 300ish ants still weighs heavily on my mind
viva la vida defined 2008 I don’t remember anything else and I refuse to
theinternetcitizen
There was a financial crisis
sorry bro can’t hear you i think st peter is calling my name