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Abby roads

@indiewitchintuition

life outside the paradigm 🪐

So that’s what being alone is

I discovered.

It’s scrolling through a list of names,

Not one of them the right person to turn to.

It’s running through phrases to filter your thoughts through,

Because no one you know would really understand what’s going through your mind.

Being alone doesn’t mean being on your own.

It’s having no one to turn to

It’s having no one to talk to

It’s shutting your mouth and putting down your phone and pretending you’re not shaking,

Because if no one else cares, you’ll pretend you don’t either.

I know you think I’m selfish because I ended up leaving and wrecking what you thought was perfect. And I know you think that just because I left it means that none of it was ever real. But whatever you think is fine, because I know deep down, I used to care about hurting you so much I would let myself suffer to prevent it. And that wasn’t healthy and that wasn’t fair and that’s not something I’ll ever do again.
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you know that feeling when you’re out in nature at 5 or 6am and everything’s still quiet and the air still smells like night time and it’s fresh so you shiver a bit but then slowly the first rays of sun peak over the edge of the earth and everything is bathed in foggy, golden light and you just stand there watching the earth awaken.. if that’s not soothing idk what is

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Oh honey, that’s just how old houses are. They settle. They sometimes creak or groan, or quietly weep, or demand blood sacrifice in voices that sounds like the fluttering wings of a thousand moths. It’s just the house settling. For whatever it can get. Go back to sleep.