The just tells me that you’re done with this.
I never said we were done just pleaded with you that I can’t be treated like this anymore.
Keep me blocked. No ones going to hear a word from me.
If there’s one thing this relationship taught me is that love isn’t enough. No matter how hard you try, beg and plead... how you fight so desperately for someone to love you after giving your all.. it’s not enough.
Tears have streamed down my face, as if someone opened a fire hydrant. Feeling just so empty.. used..
I feel like a hollow shell.
Empty.. once filled will happiness and joy.. just cold, dark and empty now.. I tried my absolute hardest.. gave so many chances in hopes maybe one day you’d have an epiphany. I still hope maybe you’d realize, but I guess all that was just empty threats. You were the love of my life.
I burned so bright, like a wildfire, burning through everything. Loving in absolute madness. Over time with gaslighting and being minimalized, extinguished. It feels like smoke, I feel defeated.
I have so much internal conflict going on
I’m starting to wind up tighter again and I’m trying to slow it as much as possible.
I’m so lost
‘clair de lune’ by debussy but you’re wandering down the halls of your wealthy reclusive uncle’s grand and empty mansion trying to find who’s playing the piano because you haven’t seen another soul for weeks except your reflection in the mirror
thescentoffreedom
I wasn’t aware of the fact that my soul needed this until I listened.
That conversation ya all I can think about and I’m not sure what to do with that information.
Can a compulsive liar ever change?
Nothing is going to be the same.
I don’t want anything at this point but isolation. I went out and tried to have fun, to get my mind off things and it didn’t work.
I don’t know what else to say what to do. But I won’t ever be the same and neither will we. I wish things didn’t happen the way they did. A lot of things led to this point. On both our parts. But I can’t talk to you.. it hurts and I’m not happy. I’m not happy with what happened.
No ones gunna see or hear from me for a long time.
I gave the ultimatum.
I gave it because I don’t want to continue on wondering why I wasn’t good enough for the truth. Why promises were broken for others.
I’ll respect whatever happens but I won’t gaurentee my safety. Because promises don’t mean anything.
At this point I’m overwhelmed and I’m getting no support. If you can’t think of anything to say besides I’m sorry then I think I’m done here.
Our plans get cancelled and there’s no effort but go hang out with your friends. Do you.
I’m not worrying about it anymore. I’m over this.
There’s onely two things that piss me off more than anything. They are both dealbreakers for me.
I’ve expressed this to you about both of them and you only seem to deal with one. I’m not going to be understanding anymore when you can’t respect me. You’re clearly on social media but you can’t message me back? I’m supposed to be your best friend and the love of your life but I come second fucking best to everyone. I’m not loving, caring and supportive when you keep pressing these buttons with me. There comes a point where someone can only be so understanding to the same fucking excuses over and over again. I’m done for the night. I just don’t care anymore.
If you think there’s always an issue don’t be with me anymore. I ask because I don’t want things getting swept under the rug and not dealt with. If there’s a change or you’re not feeling it, express that to me. Don’t sit there and wait for me to ask because I notice every little change in behavior and tone. I’m not going to sit and try and put in all the work into soemthing I love and care about and get no effort in return when you aparantly feel the same.
I’ll change my behavior and concern to the point where I don’t feel anything. The second you loose my love, adoration and care is a very cold hard feeling.
I need to go away again I think. I need to figure out what’s wrong with me, I’m struggling so hard. I’m loosing my shit again. I this happens cause I start to take on too much and I’m over whelmed. My thinking pattern is stuck in this fight or flight pattern.
There’s a lot of situations that happen that something just doesn’t seem right. Things that just raise a flag that you want to believe with you’re whole heart but something just seems off. You don’t wanna ask over being accused of not having trust but there’s no reassurance on the back end. “Think what you want” if there was no foul play, you wouldn’t hesistate to make sure everything is squared away.
I can feel myself retreating back, and distancing myself so it doesn’t hurt as much, but at the same time trying to keep everything up is exhausting. I’m not sure what to do or what to think.
Okay
I knew something wasn’t right.
If you’re okay with seeing your “soulmate” that’s not your soulmate. I get taking time to just isolate and be alone without having to answer to or worry about, but that’s not you’re soulmate. You should wanna see that person all the time no matter what. You should feel like the little piece of you is missing when they’re away. When you can’t speak to eachother you should be excited to talk to them when you can, hear all about their day with excitement and ask questions and they show the exact enthusiasm to listen to you. Life wears you down but somewhere in you, that person is like the red bull of your life. You should pay attention to everything, learn their patterns and behavior.
What are we doing...?
Venting
I’m finally coming back to a space no one I really know will see so I can vent without anyone coming at me for feeling certain ways. I just need to get these thoughts out.
A part of me feels like I’m getting played. I’m paranoid and just feel like I’m being lied to constantly. Trust isn’t just black and white. There’s not a diffinative, no I don’t trust you.
I want someone to be completely obsessed with me. Overjoyed and proud to be with and love me.
I’m trying so hard not to cry rn lmao
So about Steven’s fusion...
Fusion has always been a physical and emotional representation of the relationship individuals have with each other.
For Garnet, fusion represents romantic love.
For Smoky Quartz, deep platonic love.
I could go on and on listing every fusion we’ve seen, but you get the gist. And from the very beginning of this show, what we’ve discovered and unraveled bit by bit is just how much Steven’s mother has loomed over him his whole life.
I mean, literally. She’s literally been hanging over him for years.
And for the past five seasons we’ve slowly unpacked how deeply this bothers him. At first he just worries about not living up to her legacy. Then, over time, with every misattributed “Rose Quarz” and “Pink” he receives- every empathic memory or nightmare he experiences- this blossoms into a sickening question: what if he was never anyone? Never Steven, never an individual, just… just…
Someone else. Deep, deep down…
All of these fears came to a terrifying crescendo, as White literally pried Steven’s gemstone out of him, demanded that Pink come out. Steven, fully human, fully separate from the gem he’s had his whole life… and seemingly on death’s doorstep without it.
Fully human Steven, who watches someone else begin to reform from his gem, someone else-
Like him.
His gem didn’t reform as Pink Diamond, as he always feared, nor Rose Quartz. It reformed as Steven.
A fully gem Steven.
And then moments later fully human Steven fused with fully gem Steven, two facets reuniting in a spinning, glowing splendor to create… Steven?
Which means that Steven himself is a fusion.
He’s always been a fusion, ever since Rose gave up her form to create him, to literally become half of him.
A fusion… which represents not only Rose’s love for him, but now, his love for himself.
He’s been asking himself a question for so long, a question he was terrified to hear the answer to- but none of that matters anymore, because he’s found the answer.
He is The Answer.
He’s just Steven.
I just want to crawl in a hole and wait for my pathetic life to end. I’m tired of suffering.
A better, more positive Tumblr
Since its founding in 2007, Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture. To borrow from our founder David Karp, we’re proud to have inspired a generation of artists, writers, creators, curators, and crusaders to redefine our culture and to help empower individuality.
Over the past several months, and inspired by our storied past, we’ve given serious thought to who we want to be to our community moving forward and have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better Tumblr. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our promise and place in culture, especially as it evolves, we must change. Some of that change began with fostering more constructive dialogue among our community members. Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions).
Let’s first be unequivocal about something that should not be confused with today’s policy change: posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content. To this end, we continuously invest in the enforcement of this policy, including industry-standard machine monitoring, a growing team of human moderators, and user tools that make it easy to report abuse. We also closely partner with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Internet Watch Foundation, two invaluable organizations at the forefront of protecting our children from abuse, and through these partnerships we report violations of this policy to law enforcement authorities. We can never prevent all bad actors from attempting to abuse our platform, but we make it our highest priority to keep the community as safe as possible.
So what is changing?
Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change. We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.
Why are we doing this?
It is our continued, humble aspiration that Tumblr be a safe place for creative expression, self-discovery, and a deep sense of community. As Tumblr continues to grow and evolve, and our understanding of our impact on our world becomes clearer, we have a responsibility to consider that impact across different age groups, demographics, cultures, and mindsets. We spent considerable time weighing the pros and cons of expression in the community that includes adult content. In doing so, it became clear that without this content we have the opportunity to create a place where more people feel comfortable expressing themselves.
Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community.
So what’s next?
Starting December 17, 2018, we will begin enforcing this new policy. Community members with content that is no longer permitted on Tumblr will get a heads up from us in advance and steps they can take to appeal or preserve their content outside the community if they so choose. All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time.
Another thing, filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.
Most importantly, we’re going to be as transparent as possible with you about the decisions we’re making and resources available to you, including more detailed information, product enhancements, and more content moderators to interface directly with the community and content.
Like you, we love Tumblr and what it’s come to mean for millions of people around the world. Our actions are out of love and hope for our community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.
Jeff D’Onofrio CEO
