Incorrect Welcome to Night Vale Quotes

Josh: I accidentally put my car in neutral and revved the engine and then the guy next to me revved his engine and I'm like ‘Fuck, I gotta street race.

Tamika: *rolls car window down* What seems to be the problem, officer?

Sheriff Sam: Get out of my car.

Cecil: Dear Listerners, Station Management has banned me from saying the word twunk

Cecil: This is officially worse than the time they banned me from saying yolo

Cecil: sometimes you just have to read a poem and feel yourself fall in love with the world again

Cecil: other times it's immersing yourself in the dirt and becoming one with the world again

Carlos: You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal?

Carlos: That's my brain when doing multiplication

Kevin: I am so full of love

Kevin: And anger

Kevin: Like a lava lamp

Dana: Morning Cecil here's your water

Cecil: Thank you Dana.... this doesn't smell like water

Dana: It's imported water

Cecil: Uh huh, imported from where?

Dana: Russia

Cecil: Did you just hand me vodka at 9 in the morning

Dana: 9:30 in the morning

Kevin: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos everyday, I think my body will shutdown

Faceless old woman: based on statistical evidence, I think I'm immortal

Erika: Why?

Faceless old woman: I haven't died yet

Erika: That's... not how that works

from Kamen Rider Fourze

Cecil: Goodnight night vale

Cecil: or as the kids say

Cecil: thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Maureen: Hey Cecil how long can a person survive in a washing machine before they drown?

Cecil:

Cecil: Maureen where's Chad

Kidnapper: We have your husband

Carlos: Cecil?

Carlos: Damn, goodluck with that

Cecil: Guys who can pull off facial hair are hot

Carlos: I think.. you're supposed to use a razor

Cecil: Dear listeners I made that whipped coffee that those teens have been raving about

Cecil: It took six pounds of espresso to make

Cecil: Huh, there are phone calls coming in now..

Carlos: if you need anything I'm available 24/6

Dana: don't you mean 24/7?

Carlos: nope! Saturdays are date nights with Cecil

Carlos: Can someone turn on the lights?

Cecil: Don't have to. You're the only light I need in my life

Dana: CECIL! WE CAN'T SEE!